You're a murderer
That's what you are
Took what little life I had
And squeezed it out
Cut my heart out with broken glass
I hate you, I hate you.

I hope that you fall down the stairs
and don't die!
That way you can feel the pain
of what you did to me.

I loved you more than life
I needed you more than air
You just wanted a crutch
To help you walk easy.
You didn't care for me
That I lived to please you
Guess it wasn't enough.

You killed me in cold blood
Watched my life source go out
Made no move to help
Just walked away
I hope I haunt you
Every single day you live
The girl you killed
oh I hate you.

Am afraid that you
Will take my pulsing heart
And tear it to pieces.
Ruthlessly
painfully
Completely dessicate it.
Cause the truth is
You dont care
What I feel.
You don't  love
Me.
I keep lying to myself
And you lead me on
Maybe you like seeing me
Lose control of my inhibitions
Follow you like a bird
Really, you're heartless.

I miss him.
He seemed to complete my days
And give me a reason.
I miss him.
With every part of me.
My soul aches for him.
I miss him.
Who could make me smile
Even when i was trying so hard to be mad.
I miss him
Who my heart belongs to
Nothing can sever the bond.
I miss him.
That makes my heart sing
And my thoughts float on a cloud.
I miss him.
Who i want to spend my days with
And whom i ache to kiss.
I miss him
That puts order to my chaos
And a lid on my pain.
I would give anything to get back
Everything we had.
Oh how i miss him.

I can't explain why
in your arms i come alive.
my senses tingle
my nerve endings buzzing
desire threading its way
through my boiling blood.

you say you love me
but sometimes I question that
when you aren't all over me
yet all I think about is you.
it is in your arms that i feel
everything there is of life.

you would hate it if you knew
my lips have touched others
my heart beat hastened for another
my spirit bonded with another
yet it is only with you
that am at peace and happy
that I love with all I have.
It is you i desire

I was born on November 30th , I hear that makes me a Saggitarius.
I dunno what that means.
I  know how to swim, and I'm a sucker for a guy with a nice smile
And nice words.

I'm still learning how to whisper sweet nothings
I'm often loud at times when I should be quiet
I'm often quiet at times when I should be loud
I keep holding back or letting it all out at the wrong time.

I like sweet drinks... a lot.
I've been told that I give pretty bad hugs
People say that it feels like I'm trying to escape
Well I don't like letting people close.
Especially close enough to hear me breathe.

I have this odd fascination with things like time machines and technology,
I assume it's because I like to figure out how things work and fix them.
Am the same way with people, like to know what's coming before it does.
Love usually lasts a few moments,
That's also why I tend to fall in love with men
Who would never love me back
I know it sounds crazy, but it's actually much saner than it seems
And to be honest, I think it's safer that way
See relationships, they often remind me that I'm not afraid of letting go.
But I'm scared of what's gonna happen
The moment that my body hits the ground
I'm clumsy. I usually trip when am following my feelings.
I landed on my pride and it shattered like a mirror i check daily.
Now I can't even tell who's trying to give me a compliment
or just trying to get into my pants.

I've never been into martial arts but I have all these bruises,
I got from beating myself up over things I can't fix
I know it sounds weird but sometimes,
I wonder what the voices in my head say when am asleep.
I wonder what the doors would do if they found out
About all the things that I've done when they are closed.
I've got a trash can that's overflowing with really, really obnoxious mistakes
And a dump site in my closet with all the skeletons.
You'll trap me in a corner and insist I get help.

Hi, my name is Em,
I enjoy ice cream and yoghurt, people watching
And figuring out how to make them work.
I allow myself to cry more than I need to,
from letting all the wrong people in.
I have solar-powered energy, I have a battery-operated heart,
It flickers and dies from overuse.
My hobbies include rewriting my life story, hiding behind poems,
And trying to convince myself that I do matter to someone.
I don't know much, but I do know this
I know that if you don't have standards,
you won't be treated right and be happy.
I know God is still reworking my faults and flaws,
I'm a unique work in progress.

I like to kiss your lips
As I eat my icecream
Feel it melting in your mouth
As you bring me closer for more
I could lie next to you forever
as I taste you and you taste me
I know It's going to be okay
As long as we love icecream.

You weren't ready to love me.
Lord knows I tried.
To make you feel,
To blow your mind,
To show you the moves to make.
You can't teach love with faltering steps,
Your wavering gaze moved me to tears.
You cut out my heart, piece by piece
and fed it to the wolves running wild.
You can't love before you feel,
You were too scared to let me hold you.
You didn't want my kind of love.

You are the need that echoes back to me.

Kiss me
When you see me looking forlorn
Cause I miss you so much.
Write me
Long old-fashioned letters
Full of sweet nothing's
All I want in the end
Is you here with me.

I tried to love you
With every bit of my soul.
But it wasn't enough, i wasn't.
I gave you glimpses of me
The me i kept locked away from everyone else
Vulnerable, broken, needy.
You simply turned and walked away
And like a broken clock am stuck on you.
Your face and smile
Your warm embrace.
You cut me to pieces with your indifference
And still i yearn for you.

He loved you once.
You thought it was forever.
You needed to know you were whole.
Maybe it wasnt the love you needed.
He said 'we were meant to be'.
You strung that up with the stars,
Made it your world.

And now you watch him love another.
Give her the same words he did you.
Make her his orbit.
Dance around her like a moth to a flame.
You tried didnt you? To hold on.
To make him love you again.
You thought if you changed he would stay.
You thought you needed to be what he needed.

No one loves you like you need.
So you make up these stories in your head.
Of how deserving you are.
You needed to feel something.
Besides the pain.
So you let him weave a lie.
Atleast the idea of love didnt hurt.

You're reeling. Crumbling. Crying.
All you see is him happy without you.
You werent enough.
No one can love you.
You're a mess.
But you wont let the story end.
You're not the heroine of a tragedy.

And so you make a pact.
Never to love.
Never to give someone power over you again.
You will make it on your own.

Right now when its dark and quiet,
I stay up and think of you.
Not cause I want to.
It is what I was meant to do.
By fate or whatever deemed it fit that I be yours.
I have no will to leave.
Can't even think of a life without you.
Nights like this i watch movies hopping to be lulled to sleep.
But instead they bring tears to my eyes.
Sad sweet stories that make me wish you spoilt me.
Things planted into my subconscious that I want.
I want you to love me,
Need you to hold me every night.
I miss your smile.
Think of you looking at me like am the center of your world.
I hate nights when you aren't here.
I can't sleep.

Nobody warns you about the first boy that will break your heart.
But even if they did, what words would make it okay for him not to love you anymore?
Would it prepare you to let go when you realise love just isn't enough?

Nobody warns you of the cold nights when you can't stop thinking about him.
And the hollow pit in your chest when he doesn't pick up your calls.
Did he get someone else so soon after you?
Will today be the day when his bed smells like someone else?

Nobody warns you that it will hurt till you can't breathe.
That you will feel your world crashing around you and not be able to stop it.
Nobody warns you that you lose a part of you forever when he walks out on you.

I watch you jump
Take a swan dive into the ocean
And know it's over.
You have conquered fear
gravity and life.
What more can't you face?
I am mere mortal
Not an immortal goddess
When you have lived among
The gods.
You can not feel content
With the normal.

What is that anyway?
Someone that laughs at jokes
Or one that has walked through the fire
And come out scarred
but whole.
With experience and spirit.

Good things come to an end
Not to those who wait.
You can't freeze moments
However much you treasure them
The best you can do is savor
Everything while it lasts.
I had you and loved you
Did everything to make you smile
wasn't enough and you left
Grew weary of my company
I guess I was stupid
I expected forever from this.

Traveling back and forth
to see each other smile
Through time already charted
Listening to each other breathe
in and out with fingers entwined.
Hearts pulsing together
To the beat of love.
You take me in your arms
Kiss me
Tongue darting in and out
Of my soft moist mouth.
You draw me closer
Hand on the arch of my back.
I wrap my leg around you
Pressing closer for more.
I would gladly travel through time
to be with you.
Love how you love me.

It has been a while
since I first saw your face
and since I saw you last
you had me dancing to
the tune of your charm
walking on featherlight feet
barely touching the ground.

I still feel the emptyness
left by your essence
you filled the space around
and now am alone.
hard to face the truth
that you are forever gone.

I buy your favorite flowers
lay them by your grave
walk your favoured route
and feel you by my side
then am not so alone
your touch on my shoulder in the sun
your kiss on my lips in the wind
your desire in the storm
though you are gone you are here.

I know am broken
A little bit
A heck of a lot.
I know i am
I feel the pain
Building into a crescendo.
Needles drawing out threads
As i unfurl into folds
Trying to breathe
Pushing back the tears.
Why must i hurt this way?
Aching to my very soul.
I can't sleep as i think of what i don't have
I can't feel from trying to block out the pain
I am alone and empty.
Dying everytime i breathe
As waves of pain engulf me
Numbing me to the core.

And even though things have changed between us,
The love we once felt doesn't fade.
that love, that knowledge... that doesn't go away.
I wish I could unknow every curve of your face,
and every word you half speak then change your mind.
It would be easier if it did go away,
if I could hate you.
Maybe if we had fought more,
if there were hateful words you had said that I could recall in perfect clarity --
ugly words that I could throw at my reflection when I stood in front of the mirror.
See, it's probably my fault you didn't love me enough.
whenever I look at my reflection I wonder what was so wrong with me,
that our relationship fell apart.
That doesn't make it easier to forgive myself.
It might be easier if my heart didn't skip a beat every time I hear your name.

BUT, how many of us can say we did something ******* up for a love that didn't work out?
That we uprooted ourselves and turned into someone else.
I jumped and fell freely and ended up at rock bottom.
But I'm digging my way out one sad movie at a time.
Digging while my eyes sting with tears,
as my hands bleed,
as my clothes tear away.
And I'm trying really hard to not be embarrassed about failing.
It doesn't always work out, I knew that.
That didn't stop my heart from beating to the thuds of hope.
If only you were the one.
If only I could have been what you wanted and compromised some more.

Each time we break up I want to crawl into bed and never get out.
I analyze each part of me,
wondering what didn't fit into a part of you, why it couldn't fit.
I know it couldn't fit into a part of anyone else.
I think about my life,
berating myself at the bad choices.
I wonder if I was wrong -- maybe we weren't so bad?
Maybe that was as good as it gets?
Maybe I asked for too much?
Maybe I'm too idealistic and too crazy and I need to be more realistic and grab a hold of a man that will do.

But no,
I want a man that wants to make me happy.
A man that knows am everything he needs and isn't afraid.
I want you to be ready for me.
Don't run cause we always end up right here.
I want you.
Just you.
It's always only been you.

It has been 6 years,
since I left.
6 years since i shut off the voices.
I thought silence would drown them,
that solitude would fix me,
that love would prevail.

Today, i gave in.
Returned to the darkness,
and the pain which is an old friend.
Today I am me,
goddess of war and pain.
and lovingly in my demons embrace.

I was but a wisp of a child
When the fairies played
Tag at my bedside.
Even then they glowed
like fireflies in the night.
soon they took me out
On adventures as the house slept
To see princesses and knights
enchantments and spells.
They told me not to open
the book of fairy tales
For the stories therein
would ruin my imagination.
One rainy night I was bored
my mother came to sit by me
She read me a story
once upon a time.
The fairies hated the rain you know
but I never saw them again.

I have tried for you
To wear a smile, to shine a light.
It's not so hard when you're here
To hold my hand.
I have cried for you
A thousand tears as the sun sets
Bitter painful tears.
I have pried myself away
Hoping to stop the pain.
But its you i want to hold me.
You i want to wipe my tears.
Only you.
Who draws me out.
Who i could watch for hours.
Whom i love.

I sit here
Listening to the haunting melody
As she sings our song.
I imagine you here
By my side singing along.
It feels wrong to listen to the music
We used to love
And listen to together.
I miss you so much.

Tell me your secrets
Deep ***** streams of truth
Flowing down the same way.
Let me in
Look into your eyes
Hoping to see my vision
Cause I need to matter
More than your own  space.

Forever for us
Started one normal day
I sent you a text and you replied
didn't know a simple fascination
would grow into a deep love.
We talked and texted everyday
flirting a little more
Testing the waters.
We got to the deep end
You wouldn't admit you wanted more.

I tried to leave with my heart
You reached out and held my hand
You couldn't bare to see me hurt
Told me you loved me too
Wanted to jump off a cliff after
were scared you couldn't love
But here we are growing in love
We fight and sulk
Kiss and make up
You say am cute when angry
I smile a little.

Maybe deep down I needed this
Someone to make me laugh at myself when am serious
I can never stay mad at you
you're a bundle of silliness
But only you makes me melt
Drives me to that point
where every nerve wants you
And am screaming your name.
we are bound in more ways than one, soulmate.

I want to believe this badly
That you are meant for me
But each time I see you
You seem more out of my league
A charming prince in a castle
To my isolated tower
Am a little girl in deep waters
Waiting for you to help me out
One day I might get you
And then it will be alright.

I don't want to feel alone
In this big wide world
Where everyone walks
Their own paths
And no one has Time to wait
For someone that is lost
And trying to find the way home.
I don't want another day
Trying to find who I am
and what I want.
If only it could be clear
What I should have
then I wouldn't see empty space
in the rooms you fill.
Aching for something more
hungering for a purpose
A reason why am here.
Am I the fixer? The listener?
The one that does great things?
If only the pain could stop
Of being so alone.

I know am supposed to wake up
Go out and do something.
But i can't bring myself to leave bed
and face the pain over again.
The emptiness inside filling out
The hole you used to occupy.
It aches and incapacitates me
With numbing sharp blows
I can barely walk.
Doubled over awaiting relief.

I tried to get to know you
Met resistance at every turn
And now am faced with loving
A stranger i can't predict.
Do you love me or want me back?
I can't see past you anymore
You have broken my heart
In a million different ways.
I just want to smile again
But in this dark lonely tunnel
I can't even see a light.

I turn my back,
A little slower than I should.
My head tells me to leave,
My brain lectures me,
My conscience taunts me.
But somehow my heart still stutters,
You see, you became a part of me,
And It's hard to lose a part of myself.

He made me his Muse
Scared the hell out of me.
How would I live up to it?
The expectations he has
Some unreal and huge.
Am only human
Not the angel you see
You painted my portrait
I looked like a perfect girl
all goddess and flawless
You have to look beneath
What you want to see
And embrace the mortal me.

Slow down little one,
The world is still your playground.
A place where you can frolic.
It's not a jail for your happiness.
It's not yet time to worry,
the adults can do that for you.
Remain in your bubble,
It will keep you safe.

What is it about the unattainable that makes us want it so much more?

On that rainy day in January,
I saw you standing in line,
Waiting to pay
For the book.
You know the one.
It's been whispering sweet promises
In my ear.
How it will be the best I ever have
It will imprint on me.

I tried to resist the allure
But it's elusiveness pulled me in
Like coiling tendrils
Of immeasurable strength.

I dreamt about that book
Waited for it to come to that store
And there you were
Buying the only available copy.
I knew then
That I wanted you both.
I followed you out
Having a witty dialogue in my head
You would be snared by my charisma
I would get my book.
You stopped at a black car
The passenger door opened.
Out stepped Delilah
the woman that kills dreams.

Not a good night for insomnia
The voices, they shout!
Disgraceful things.
I knew I should have locked
The door to their cage.
But they seem to know
How to pick the lock.
They cause mischief
Those mad little monsters.
You see, they dunno they aren't real
All they do is haunt the people
that stifle them
They need to feel heard
So they rattle the doors
Of their prisons
Drag the chains on floors
those loony voices that never shut up.

I hate that you make me
Turn off my humanity.
how can I be with you
And not be all over you.
Love you and not show
that you're my everything.
You never let it slip
How much you care
Wearing your mask as a crown
for all to see
Hurting me by indifference
I have to while away the hours
So I don't miss you so.
I hate what you're doing
This poker face game.

In his arms I am fire.
Pure fire burning away the loneliness.
A flame that ignites and soars.
Higher and higher and with each touch.
A warmth that quivers against him.
For he is my match.
The strike that lights my heart.
The voice that wakes my every nerve ending.
The soul that so delights mine.
Together, a connection so deep carried over the channel.
Never to be severed for to have one is the other.
A team meant to keep the darkness at a bay.
A love that cant be denied.

Your voice is what I need.
I long to hear you whisper
good morning in my ear.
I long to hear your moans when we touch.
To hear you beg for more when we make love.
Its your touch I need at night.
Your arms around me.
Your body pressed against mine.
The fire that burns when you and I touch.
Our need inflamed with each kiss.
Our certainty that we are loved and desired in turn.
I want all your tomorrows.
Every kiss under the night sky.
Every dance that needs to a night of insatiable passion.
I want every memory.
I want you.

Somehow I find myself here again,
At your mercy.
Will you embrace me or shun me?
Draw me close like a wrap you wear.
You and I fit like pieces meant to be,
The dot to my words,
The need in my soul.
I call to you,
You echo back my cries.
And it all makes sense,
We fit like a picture puzzle.

I ask a question

The answer I wanna hear

More than anything,hopelessly

Instead, you say something noncommittal.

Am tempted to ask why?
why bad things happen.
Sometimes more than
We could ever imagine.
How to cope with loss?
What to do when you can't go on
Curse?  Rave?  Rant?
Blame fate or God?
Breakup with God?
truth is I don't have answers.

I wonder who these bosses think they are, bossying me around like some kind of slave. Tea
at 8,tea at 10,tea in between every break. Do they
know the fatigue from the stairs? I sincerely doubt, not with their password controlled elevators.
The other day one of those big men amused me. Mbu tell me Celia, why do u charge the same price even for people who take no sugar. I barely held bac insults and instead said, now if I were to charge according to how much sugar you take, I would charge those that take the price of quarter a kilo since I neither buy in spoons nor cups. And then for you that don't take sugar I would charge for the fuel used to boil the water.
hmph, men!!

There is a little place that I go
When I want to be alone
Pretty, open and cozy
But only I can get in
Cause it's in my head.
Blissful silence like a breeze
No pressure or expectations
All I have to do is close my eyes
And just keep breathing.