Lying in my bed late at night,
And my thoughts feel strange,
Knocking against each other in a scramble to get away.

6 months ago, I lost my way.
I fell for you and it's never been the same.
I lie to myself that it was 6 months,
But really it's been longer.

100,000 miles away from everything,we met.
At a friend's place when you came by.
I remember forgetting to think when I saw you.
I blocked you out cause I couldn't have you.

I fell when I saw you first.
Keep wondering when I will see you last.
You're too good to be true,
I can't seem to stop loving you.
Believe me I have tried.
Cause you scare me.
With how I lose myself when you hold me,
And how I can't stay mad at you.
You tease me into smiling at you.
And never let me go.

100,000 miles away from you tonight,
I hear the raindrops on the rooftop.
It sounds like you too far away,
Faint and insistent.
I want you here in my bed.
Your bed reminds me of the last thing we were good at.
My bed feels too big without you.

You're so far away.
When all I want is to hold you.
Whisper in your ear how much I love you.
We have been through milestones together.
100,000 ways we could have broken up.
But you say you want to stay.
I know I couldn't go on without you.
We could walk 100,000 miles to make this work.
Just don't ever walk away, I love you.

Its been a hundred days,
I cant say I have kept count.
Its a little hard to hold on to reality when what feels feel falls apart.

Its been 100 or so hours. Honestly the days and hours seem a little too familiar.
they are on first name basis already.
I can't say what bothers me more.
That I can't remember, or don't mind not remembering.

When did this become an easy to forget thing.
A thing where I don't care whether you are here or not.
It took forever to get you out of my head,
I didn't even realise I was doing it till I realised I didnt care.
Here. There. Together. Apart.
It all felt the same.

Its been a minute. 100 minutes.
Not that am counting, I don't see the point.
It was just clear I couldnt wait to start my new life,
those plans didnt involve you.

I hope you dont take it the wrong way but for me its over.
If i did this it would be because I don't want to be alone.
I was alone with you anyway.
Just so we are clear it is your fault.
You did this to us. Now I am past your crazy and aint no turning back.

As the minutes pass,
my skin tenses.
Missing the one who rouses it.
And my soul reaches,
across the distance.
Hoping that it will reach you.
That you will feel my fingers across the distance.
Hear my voice whisper in your ear. My love, come to me.
I long for you.
More and more every minute

I find myself addicted,
Hooked.
Drawn in.
To your words and presence,
I can't bring myself to leave,
You have me bound to you.
Might be the promise of days to come,
Or how time loses its edge.
It is minutes or days when we talk,
I lose count of the moments we share together.
There is nowhere that I yearn to be,
except here.
I am lost and yet feel like I belong.
I am halfway to euphoria,
Held back by the allure of you.

You are the violin & I am your bow.
You are the mountains & I am your snow.
I am the song sheet & you are my tune.
I am the night sky & you are my moon
I hold you in my heart, I have you on my mind.

You were the elusive dream, I tried to ensnare.
I was the light you couldn't bear.
You were the moth to my flame.
we both got burned.
As our story fades into a memory.
Adieu my heart.
Until the next life.

If only you could see what I saw when my eyes beheld you. Imperfect yet loyal, brave and wild.

Don't tell me to let go
Cause you don't understand
The sacrifices I have made
To be here with you.
Stop for just one second
Did you love me at all?
Or were you just a spoiled child
going after what you couldn't have?
Don't try to spite me
Let's not pretend you care
If I go off the rails
And overboard with this rage.
You did this to me
Broke me in small pieces
Gave away all I cared about.
I hate you even more than before
Drowning in the pain
The water rising above my head
Can anyone hear me?
Am losing myself
You're killing me inside.
So am dead to the goodness
You did this
And now your dancing on my grave.
Am but a ghost of who I was
You ****** out my life
And left this shadow that's not real.

could it be that we were fated
for nothing less than a heroes death?
a fight to the death
with only the best?
no mercy or games
winner keeps their life.

or maybe like romeo n julie
die for a cause;love
but would you really ****
to save a life
or be the man on a ledge
demanding a fair trial
where you arent condemned.

bonnie and clyde had it great
life on the fast lane in banks
but running aint that easy
you cant keep a home and kids
they too couldnt live forever

some people only live to die
pointless painful ends
like watching a rope burn
or walking on fire
could it be that life is empty
but a shell we inhabit for a while
and watch as it is crushed.

When you said you loved me,
I didn't think you meant it.
But now I see the little things you do for me.
I know you think am heartless,
Leaving you out in the cold.
I just don't know how to love you,
It's been a painful many years.
Am trying not to push you away,
I can't let you close.
Don't you see am broken?
I need some time and space.
I'm trying not to love you.
I can't trust my own heart.
I need you to hold my hand,
Am doing my best here.

I need to feel alive
Senses tingling all over.
With everything fitting in place
like a jigsaw puzzle.
No more loud silence
all encompassing pain
Life that falls short of what it should be.

I packed a box in my head,
With my pain and tears.
I shut it and sealed it,
With strength and resolve.
I left it to gather dust,
From neglect and abandonment.
If I didn't think about it maybe it wouldn't feel real.
Instead the pain burst out through the seams,
The box lay in tatters with the edges of my mind.
You can't feel happiness without pain,
The two are what make you feel alive.

This Valentine's
All I have are my hopes
Of what could have been a great day.
Waking up in your arms
Listening to music with you
Singing along together off key
As you smile at me.
I want roses and chocolates
A romantic date under the stars
Champagne as we talk
Listen to the birds chirping.
Walking barefoot in the grass
Being cheesy as we want
For that would be love, right?

Instead I get to be alone
Watch movies by myself.
Think of you not here
and cry because am so sad.
All I really want is a proper Valentine's.
With you and me and love
Cherishing each other
because that's love.

You say am complicated
why can't you see the real me?
the girl that's easy to please
All I really need is your love;
A hug for when am down
A kiss for when I feel alone
Passion for the cold nights
when I come all the way there
A cuddle to get in my head.
Baby the world stops for a bit
When am in your arms
And time slows down.
Won't you please tell me
All the sweet nothing's I need
To hear you whisper
in the stillness as you hold me.
And I will be yours.

he woke up to find
himself in a box
a foursided wooden box
six feet underground
he couldn't breathe
could barely see
had no one to talk to
no one noticed him go
he felt alone
***** and all alone
in a cold box
all by himself.

It was the way he said my name that broke my layers of resolve not to cry.
I was weak, just like always.
Why did i expect this time to be different?
To hurt less simply cause I didn't want to cry?
It was the seriousness in his voice, I think, which tripped me up.
He really wanted out.
I was desperate, homicidal even.
I didn't want to be alone.
The shadows scared me.
Following me around like a tracker,
I couldn't help a shudder everytime I caught sight of one.
They grew and shrank in seeming unison.
I clutched his robes and begged.
I will do anything, just don't leave me alone.
They might hurt me.
I have lost everything.
Please oh please I don't want to be alone.
My cries fell on deaf ears.
He had turned away, his face like stone.
This was time to pay.

You carried me away on wings
Your long was strong enough
to keep us both afloat.
Now am sinking under the weight
of loneliness I never expected
my solitude works against
My hopes, wishes and dreams
and all that remains is nothing
no remnants of years gone by.

You gave me your hand
Reached out with your fingers
And led me on.
All the way and beyond
through friendship and more
Then abandoned ship
left me to set the sails
I thought you were below deck
But you had dived overboard
Into the turbulent sea waters
rather than sail with me.

You broke my heart
cut my chest open
Grabbed my heart and squeezed
the love and life out.
And now it can't beat
enough to keep me warm.
I shiver from the memories
Of the destruction you wrought
but mostly am alone.

How I feel for you
Keeps changing each time.
When you hurt me,
I like you a little less.
Then you surprise me
And I want forever again.
it's a cycle from oblivion to craving.
you're what I need,
get me a fix.
And yet I want more, more.
Everytime you hold me
I ask for more.
when you touch me
You drive me to moan.
I ache for more of you.
we fit perfectly like pieces
That once were together.
Maybe we are meant for this
Filling each other's lives.

Do not look for me in our old haunts
I am not there.
I walked out the door
And never looked back.
Do not call me up at 3 in the morning
I wont pick up.
I found so many things to fill my life
The space you left isn't there.
Do not say you will always love me
I don't want a captive
What I needed was a partner and friend and you didn't care.
Do not wait up for me
Am not coming home.
You threw away what we had
Couldn't even make up an excuse
it's okay to let go you know,
I already have.

You know I want you
It's useless to play hard to get
Cause you can see right through me
The coy indirect answers
Seem not to deter you
You hear what my heart says
And sweep me off my feet
Enchanting me beyond belief
Occupying my every thought
Possessing me beyond comprehension
Everything revolves around you
You amaze me constantly
am so into you.

I watched you laugh
and realised you were happy
in your new role with another script
you didn't need me there
to peer over your shoulder
Keep you safe
guide your steps.

You are someone else's pair
joined at the hip
Creating a life together
one I can't share.
Doesn't matter that
I had you first
All that's left is memories.

You were my inspiration
my only reason
Still trying to forget you
Haunting my waking moments
I need to find who I was
Find a life of my own.
You're not here,
You're already gone.

She always wanted to know
Someone loved her the way she was
Whether slim or overweight
That he would be her mirror
only see what she wanted
And needed to see.

She found him one day
He seemed too good to be true
He knew the right things to say
and exactly what to do.

She lost sight of reality
he built an alternate universe
She only lived in her head
Where he made it safe
She didn't have to venture out
Where anyone would criticize.

It's not healthy to stay too long
In your head where you can do no wrong
her angel was an angel of doom
he led her to her final end
By giving all she asked for.

I watch you fade away
Like a wish on a shining star.
Everything I hope for
Nothing within my means.

If I could just hold you
Everything would be alright.
But you keep fading
Faster than a setting sun.

This Time around show me
That it can be more than tonight
Cause all we have are moments
all wrapped in a dream.

If only I could close my eyes
Wish this all away
I would close my eyes
And just start over
have a new life
With a little less stress
Love what I do
And live life different
please only myself
It's too short to come last
Too hard to not take it easy
Too wrong to not be right.

Today your smile was a little stronger,
A little less brittle than before.
Your hug a little tighter,
Arms encircling my heart.
Your pulse steadier,
Beating to no worries at the time.
I lean in to hear your voice,
Unwavering as you ask me to stay.
I can feel the resolve in your words,
You are firmer in your request.
I long to sink in your embrace,
Bury my face in your neck and let go.
But instead I cling to the past,
The smoky tendrils of doubts I had about your love.
I hold your hand tighter,
Can you feel this thing we have between us?
My body trembles as you take your hand,
I need you so much.
Ask me again, my dear.
I will do anything for you.

This is what I think I want;
A heart that's mine,
Longing to love me and hold me.
I want to watch your eyes light up,
when you see me passing by.
I need you to chase after me,
because you forgot to hug me goodbye.
To tell me this is real,
and you don't want to lose me.
Tell me its okay to cry,
I don't have to do it alone.
Cause you will hold my hand,
and listen to my sorrows.
I want to lie next to you,
and hear you catch your breath;
when I run my fingers through your hair.
I want to catch the shift from sated to desperate.
Take me as you want, I am yours.
Love me recklessly, I beg.
I want someone to call in the night,
Just so I don't feel alone.
Someone to whisper that they miss my smile,
Even as I smile over the phone.
I want to belong to you,
Like you belong to me.
I need you to need me.

What if i told you, life was better as a bee?
A world of colors at the flap of wings.
Working every hour
To an assigned end.
To have a purpose, among these colors.

Your eyes hold the intensity of a thousand suns,
and when you look at me that way,
like you can't believe am all yours,
it gives me butterflies.
I look into your eyes and am blinded by what I see,
the depth of what you feel for me.
It takes all my effort not to bolt cause I know there is no turning back.
What I feel for you, there is no undoing it.
Its more like something that grew on me and is now part of me.
You cant unravel things like that.
I pray that what I feel won't lead me down the road to hurt and pain.

When you hold me so tenderly and kiss me,
feels like I am going to burn up.
The feelings burn their way down my body,
lighting me up like a flame for you.
You trail your hands gently down my cheek and i get shivers,
Can't you see am burning for you?
you are my sun all molded to fit me like a shadow.

last night i sat at the counter
of the bar you used to like
took one shot too many
watched the door hoping
that you would walk in
tall limber form,piercing gaze
waiting to meet your eyes
beg you to hear me out.

my head began to droop
my friends said not to swoon
someone was watching
if only i could care.
he sent me a glass hoping for a dance
i said no thanks i had a date.

then in you walked
a head taller than all the lads
your gaze caught mine,lingered
and passed to some other girl
I died a little inside and swore
to make you want me back.

danced with a stranger
watched you all the while
saw your eyes flutter and look away
i waltzed closer
spun and put my arms round you
danced your cares away
enchanted you once more

Is it worth it to love someone that doesn't love you,
to let someone in that is only going to wreck u,
do u blame urself or just let go?
Should u let go if you love?
Love is complicated and hurts
makes you want to cry
Is the person that hurts you
Supposed to hold you?
Or just watch you break?
It's an enigma, a myth
Because how could fate be cruel
Send Cupid to play matchmaker
For beauty and the ogre.
Are we just destined to love
The people that won't love us back?
or is that a sick twist
The joker has in mind.
Trying to walk away
And ending up back at your door
Do I sink into the abyss
that is calling out my name
or do I fly away on broken wings, broken spirit that somehow you make whole.
Let me go if you can't love me
Don't let me go if you want to hurt me
You are my Achilles heel
And will be the death of me.

Lay me down to rest
Between velvet sheets
shut my eyes with rose petals.
Adorn my neck with jewels
Lay my hands together
One on top of the other.
In my favorite dress
Absolute still silence
make it cosy and warm.
Spray my favorite scent
Like paradise upon my skin
And watch me sleep.

You promised to love me
Forever and for always
But you didn't, couldn't?
was I so hard to love?

Said you would be there
I never had to be alone
why am I spending nights alone
in our bed all alone!

I see you here but you're not
Atleast not completely
Get the feeling you would rather
Be somewhere else doing something else.

What happened to forever?
the dreams we shared
And promises made in our talks
Long phone conversations late at night
And cuddles where we held on
And wouldn't let go.

Could it be that we have changed
And don't want the same things anymore
or have you found her
The one you were looking for.

No one said it would hurt this much,
the living and letting go of things you love.
See nothing lasts forever, that's just a dream.
Misty colored rainbow fading to pale gray.


They never taught me to shut out the whispers,
from bitter voices in my head that had had enough.
All i knew was reality was a sham,
covering up the peeling paint with patchwork.

I wrote the lessons in between the pieces,
but the words faded like star dust.
I made the same mistakes over and over,
and got myself broken like a worn out string.


So now am here tattered and frayed,
Piecing life together a day at a time.
I need to build a person that is whole,
so am starting to collect my emotions,
bind them with honesty and truth.
Am learning to accept imperfections,
and coat them with effort and good faith.
Am learning how to be human again.

All this time I have been here
Right next to you.
Lying by your side
Watching you sleep.
you seem to be happy
in the land of no troubles.
If only you could be
This happy when awake.
In the place where you choose
To make your dreams come true.
you watched me cry
Held my hand
Told me you would be here.
Sometimes am with you
But your heart isn't in it
We are miles apart.
And yet am with you.

There is a place I go to sometimes,
it's a little hole that opens up when you need it.
It can be whatever you need it to be.
The balm for that pressing pain that squeezes your sobs out,
it is an in between place when you're falling apart.
See, time stops in that hole.
It lets you breathe.
And lets you live.
Somehow life isn't so sombre when you stop hurting.

It takes away the parts of you that are broken and gives you temps.
Isn't that what you needed?
To be fixed?
But see scotch tape and glue don't take away the scars.
The knowledge of things that can't be burn marks into you.
You grow into someone else that walks a little slower,
from knowing.
Once you discover something covering it up won't help.
So you're a little colder and a little more forlorn.
Innocence doesn't bind you anymore.

It's a whisper of hope when you feel lost,
a comforting hand when you feel alone.
It's a halfway place,
we all need one of those when our hearts fall in,
and the burden of feeling causes us to collapse in on ourselves.

Loved you once
Liked you twice
turned your back
Three four times
watched you laugh
Walk out on this
News flash love am over that.

I miss you
And how it used to be.
Long night walks
Tender brief  shy embraces
On the porch in the moonlight
calls that go on and on
Where we say nothing
and yet it means everything.
holding hands as we talk
sharing sweet kisses
Intoxicating in their feel.
we were so happy
It was surreal.
Those were the days I believed in love.

You love how I dress up for you
All skin and heels.
Making a pirouette
Striking a pose.
You call me your Muse
Because I inspire naughty thoughts
From the depth of your soul
I drive you crazy with desire
All you want is to hold me tight
and have your way with me
Sometimes I tease you first
Drive you to the edge
I like playing with you
Cause I see how much more
you're dying to have me.

I know am supposed to be over you
But i can't help it
That my subconscious longs for you
Even though you hurt me
With each word you say.
Why can't you let me be me?
The girl you knew once
The one you fell in love with.
Quit trying to control me
Am unpredictable at best
You wouldn't get me either way.
I thought you had accepted me
Human and flawed,
Making mistakes at every turn.
But no
You get mad when i don't do as you say.
So am done trying for this
It never will be ok.
Just go now,
When am still strong enough
To let you go.

Am not sorry for the times I stood up for myself.
That was your job and yet you left me all alone.
Waiting,
Always waiting.
For you.
For me.
Somehow we never met halfway,
All the tears I shed hoping you would change your mind.
That you would have my back just once.
Instead I had to hold myself together so I wouldn't break.
I learnt to breathe on my own.

I come alive,
When i wake in your arms,
And find you watching me.
I get tingles,
From where you're holding me.
I hope for some more time,
Before you have to leave.
Nothing makes sense without you
Even if you don't make sense yourself.
i find myself drawn to you,
In ways that i can't fight
You pull me in and i lose myself.
You will always be a part of me,
I need you more.

I knew I was lost the first time you kissed me.
You held me so close and I knew you were my last.
My heart stopped a bit, then fluttered to catch up with yours.
I wanted more but wasnt ready to let go of my inhibitions.
Something so pure turned bitter pretty soon.
Your insecurities and mine too drove us apart.
Seeing your name gives me pain,
Cause you were my all and I want that to end.
You broke me into pieces that can't be fixed.
And I need you yet I dont want to;
I want you yet I shouldnt.
I can't stop loving you.
Why wont you leave my heart?

I wonder how you do it, the callousness and flippancy.
Breaking my heart in one fluid move and crossing over to someone else.
Do you love her? Is she a toy like I was?
A passing fancy for a day, a discarded rag the next.
I wracked my mind in search of a clue, that you loved me a little.
It's hard to watch her cry the same over you.
To roll herself in a ball of agony am comfortable enough to call home.
Beating up herself with thoughts that she wasn't enough,
That somehow she is flawed.
I know you're the broken one,
You try to *** your cracks with broken pieces of us.
It's not enough, it never is.
I shudder to think that others will know this pain.
And yet if you came by and asked me to come back,
I would leap like the flick of a guilty pleasure into your arms.

Broken promises
hung upon dreams
Of you and me.
Things you said you would do
Memories we were to share
Terminating in regrets,
Sorrowful goodbyes
Where we can't reconcile
Our differences and pain.
Sometimes love isn't enough
when you walk alone
On separate sides of a road
And all forms of bridges
Collapse in defeat.

You were this close to breaking,
And I helped add the last crack.
After that everything else crumbled.
The smile you saved for good days,
The love you shared even if it hurt you.
The promise to hold on.
You couldn't take much more,
especially when you felt alone.

I should not have let go of your hand.
I knew you needed the strength.
In putting myself first you felt alone.
All those times I walked away,
The pain of nails keeping you away intensified.
You were mine to protect and I left you alone.
And now you're broken,
Your spirit scattered as shards.