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 May 2018 Elizabethanne
Smudge
They say "you'll find a better love"
They say "you'll find someone who is better suited - more like you"
They say "he doesn't deserve you"
They say "this agony will pass"

But

I never thought there was a "better" love out there, in my eyes I had the best there could be?
I never thought about fitting together with anyone else, we were like chalk and cheese but happy chalk and cheese - he was my home, in my eyes no-one else could ever be more fitting?
I never looked at it as deserving me, in my eyes we were just meant to be, he was always meant to be mine and I, his?
I never ever thought he would put me in so much agony that I would ever have to wonder if it will pass, in my eyes he loved me?

I now realise, he stole my eyes,
But
Part of me wants to give them back,
so that I can feel sure again as to what I want.......but I can't want him?
You can't work with who you can't trust to show you the full picture.
The only
Time I learned
Of your sadness
I read it like
Braille
On your body
It was
Knitted in
Your muscles
Carved into
Your face
Woven into
Your hands
And it made me
Sad to think
That our
Unseen horrors
Like
Silence
And loss
Are such palpable
Afflictions
Our bodies
Bear

–learning how to heal myself, Sarah Gray Isenberg

July 2016
A secret escape to paradise.
No more fighting,
No more pain.
No more empty words.
Alone with my thoughts and voice.

Holding my heart in my hands,
Stitching together rips,
Gluing cracks together.
Maybe this time I won’t fall apart so easily.

My little paradise,
Where nobody can fill it with negativity.
Where nobody can hurt me…
I am happy here.
In the dark,
Alone with my thoughts and voice.
Sorry if it's edgy as hell, I just have a lot of emotions :)
Save your breath,
It’ll all end soon.
Don’t make it any worse than it already is.
Don’t fight back,
They’ll leave you alone, I promise…
I know it hurts,
But it’ll pass.
I promise…

Please,
Don’t cry.
Dearest,
Don’t cry.
Get up off the floor.
Brush the dirt off your knees,
Wipe the tears from your eyes,
Clean the blood off your wounds.
I’ll all be okay…
I promise…

Dearest,
I know it hurts now…
But it’ll be okay…
I promise.

I’m sorry my dearest.
I love you,
I promise…
Swooping into mind,
Like crows,
Swarming the skies.
Blocking out all evidence or sunlight.
Their flat, cold eyes,
Making sure you know they’re there.

Close your eyes,
Forget it.
Concentrate on something else.
But you feel the eyes staring into you.
Burning into your skin,
Forever branding you.
You can’t shake the sinking feeling of it all,
You can’t ever escape the feeling.

You walk throughout the day,
Sinking slower and slower,
Until you reach the bottom.
You fall under it all.
Looking up,
Seeing all the people above you.
“Why can’t I be like them…?”
You lay down,
Letting the tears fall.
Caring not what anyone else thinks,
Letting it all unfurl.
All your feelings…
Out in the open.

This is what it’s like,
Living with depression...
Do you ever feel like your drowning

In the rain

do you feel useless, as you try to out run the rain

Because you have no umbrella to block it

That no one understands how it feels

To be soaking wet

In the rain

That the rain is horrible to be in

It makes you sick

people will either help you dry off

Or leave you alone to clean up yourself

i love the rain

So why is it so close to tears

And sadness
follow and like, i want to get my work out there!
 May 2018 Elizabethanne
Jermon
Open your eyes, little one, I tell her,
To the sunshine dancing through the leaves,
To the coral waves breaking grey shores,
To the crystal drops of rain

Open your eyes, little one, I beg her,
To the velvet red singing crystal tunes,
To the ivory threads spun by pure mist,
To the orange-hay sand dunes

Open your eyes, little one, I cry to her,
To the violet shades of misty haze,
To the burgundy flow of silky hues,
To the horizon of vermillion glow

Open your eyes, little one, I whisper,
My hopes lost to the dark,
He, the tyrant, who crushed her soul,
Before my little one embarked.

A silver tear, I let fall,
Crushed before she could open her eyes,

Yet, yet, I try, I try,
Open your eyes, little one, I cry
12.08.2017
Of every Syrian (or war affected) mother with a dead new born child
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