And yes, you're alone
You don't miss me
I know.

Eleven eighteen
The day that I'm freed
From the chains that bind
Me to that cloudy state of mind
The day I'll never forget
That started out so wet
It ended so perfectly though
A flawless boat to row
I hope it never ends
As it so often tends
Nothing I'd rather see
And with no one I'd rather be

Reminders, reminders
Constant
About me
My imperfections
Imagine
Love is a blade
It cuts through
With ease

My body
Into pieces
Eleven right now
But more
Soon
There will be
More
Always more

Cursed
I was
With too much
Love to give
You all see it
As hearts
I see it
As a blade

Even though, i appear fine
It cuts through me every time

This hurts a lot
A clot
In the life of one
It's brought
Not caught
And seen
Not
In the expression of face
But gives a loss
For words

And we all have meaning
At least we assume it to
But what would happen
If that were proven untrue?

And now i know
My ABCs
*******, C.

And then I reset...

As I rise from rest
I know a few things
One of which is simple:
Watermelon is the perfect fruit
The others are more complex
I can't really explain:
Love is elusive
It can be my best friend
Or it can be my worst enemy
However, I've had it best before
And...
Abelias.
Like the flower?
Not sure what this means
Maybe it's an anagram for something
Something largely important
Or someone
Who it seems as though
My whole life depends on
This one, I can't seem to let go of
Abelias...

I won't forget, I know
I'll never escape these woes
No matter how hard I try
I can never match that high

My world is falling apart
No matter how many times
I try
I fail
Find a brick
Find one hundred
Never matters
It gets blown over
By the wind
My sadness
Is a drop of blood
In a pool of sharks
It's ******* ridiculous.

A feeling of anxiousness
Overwhelms me
Intensely
But not really anxiousness
Or nervousness
Can't describe it
Except,
Agida

It’s airplane mode for me
When you’re not near
I plan to weep
But you’ll never appear

Wind and worry
Never clouded
The true light

When gravel and dirt
Pave the way
To our desires

We know
It's nature
For us now

To wait it out
Until next time
Through the sting

Hugs and flirts
A touch in the morning
And a kiss of evening

Anticipation grows
For tomorrow knows
No more woes

Please,
Take me by storm
**** me by hand,
Just not over the phone
The silence is much too much

Please,
Take me by surprise
Respond to me once,
And I’ll be so happy
It’s all I really want

Please,
Take me by the hand
Show me what you want,
The things you love
And what you adore

Please,
Take me by storm,
Take me by the hand,
Take me by surprise
Just please, take me if you can

Take me far away with you
Because I am done with this land

This is the window where
I watched the future start
My pupils dilated
The shock sped up my arms
I shut my ambushed eyes
And turned my face towards the heat

I felt the city choke
I heard the world at war
I prayed for providence
God said, don't pray no more
You went and made your mess
Now keep your blame off my feet

So I got off my knees
I faced the devil's day
The sky was ****** red
The streets were headstone gray
A flaming ferris wheel
Spun where the sun used to be

I watched it's buckets dip and dance
I saw a couple making love lock hands
They were pushing for abandon and the answers it could bring
90 million miles from the graveyard growing over everything

I saw my lover chased
Through fields of sugarcane
She clutched her belly close
And whispered, "keep us safe"
They ground her down to dust
No more miracles today

I dreamt myself awake
In a resort hotel
Above a golden coast
Beside my Southern belle
We heard the sea reborn
In each singing shell

And every coughing car
And every coiled snake
And every shrieking star
And every burning stake
Dissolved to atmosphere
All of everything, erased

I spread into a distant hum
I droned along with everyone
And the earth grew green and nursed herself to what she used to be
All our senseless shouting calmed to quiet in her ancient memory

And oh, what a joy
To be free

I showed i care
And i'm all alone
I killed my desires
And i'm all alone
I did what you said
And i'm all alone
I spent so much money...
...none of which you wanted
And i'm all alone
I made myself the bad guy
And i'm all alone
I cried in my car
And i'm all alone
I did everything i could...
...to make you happy
And i'm all alone
I halted communication
And i'm all alone
I committed to you
And i'm all alone
I'm sitting here in love...
...wishing you were here
And i'm all alone
All. Alone.

No food to eat
And no shoes on my feet
I can't feel my toes
Because there is no heat
A death stare
Into the frozen air
My mind is beat
From all the wear and tear
Dreams of old
Silver and gold
Wither away from it
In the dusky cold
Fake or real
Wounds won't heal
Strip away the scars
To see what they reveal
Tracks of sand
A broken hand
Tickets sealed it
In a solid red brand
***** and ill
Hold hope still
As long as i can
To dodge the ****
Weathered and wilted
Neck is tilted
All the worries
None the guilted
Alone and poor
Dead at the core
Giving up looking
For something worth living for

I walk and I walk
And I talk to myself
And I tell myself
It won't be okay
Everything won't be fine
It never has been
So it never will be
That's the way it works
So I walk and I walk
And I talk to myself
And I tell myself
I don't want to give up
Giving up is weak
I am strong, mentally
The strongest I know
But how can I do it?
How can I keep going
When it will never be fine?
But I walk and I walk
And I talk to myself
And I tell myself
It will be okay
Everything will be fine
Because I will make it that way
Whatever I have to do
I'll make this happen
I stop walking
I stop talking
And I begin
Making everything okay

Yeah soon you may find
Me with a married man
So take to the sky
With all you can
You can go
Or you can be my friend
On your way here
I read your fears
I understand
Why you're here
You won't go
Because you know the end
Sometimes you say
The silliest things
And no one brings
The happiness you bring
Please don't go
We're on the mend

Please don't go...
I'll need you again...

I've felt the Earth crumble in my arms
Words slip from my mind
The life of a paradigm
There's such an infinite array 
It's meaningless to choose one
And those choices on their own
Are as meaningless as numbers
But if we put them together
They start to form something real
We have to take life one day at a time
If we don't, it starts to cluster
We get weeks in a day
Months in a week
Years in a season
The life we had once, slowly
Withers and becomes a lesson learned
Rather than an experience
It's a bad dream
Rather than a memory
We gasp for our final breath
Wishing we could have a little more time
Rather than tell the world it's time to go
Knowing we did everything
We were supposed to do
The way we knew
We were supposed to do it
But it's something 
We've got to deal with
Something we have to see
It feels like the only point
Of life is the means to an end
When that end nears
You want no complaints
Death has no ears to hear them
Nor a mouth to respond
A universe is created, or born
Every time a love dies
And one is destroyed
When a love lasts to face death
With none before or after
Thus, you have too many universes 
As humans, we have a need
A desire, a hunger, a craving
For this powerful love
Too many let it pass away
Too many suffer because of that
Cuts and bruises don't measure
To loss and sadness
Nerve and negligence
Serve a king of dangling bodies

And what substance is there?
What reason do you have
To be truly grateful?
Nothing at all, except,
That the situation is not equal
You don't always get a bad roll of the dice
Even when it turns up snake eyes. 
And whatever happens, happens,
Truly,
And i know it to be true

As i've experienced death
Life is, itself, 
The never-ending cycle of hatred
And it's up to us to end it
The path to this execution
Has always been somewhat
Generally specific
Love one another
Differences, cast them aside
We are different, inherently

So let that go, and let that be
Love one another
And let our souls be free
Leave the grass green
And the oceans blue
It's ok, i know someday
I'm going to be with you
All of you, my fellow beings
We'll come through
We'll make it to our own

Eden

She spoke at once
From inside her car
Looked at me slyly
Proceeded normally
She spoke once more
Talked of old times
Talked of future endeavors
Proceeded normally
She spoke at last

And then never again...

Dare to swear
To me
That angels are not angels
Unless we want them to be.

And if it's not real
Then so be it.
If you're not real
I don't mind.
Whatever lies
I'm blind to the story.
I see your life
For the truth you hide.
If anything at all
Can motivate me now
It's finding out,
Truly,
Who you really are.
And if it is the truth,
If the lie has been the lie,
Then you can't say i never believed you.
But it's hard to sit here and stay
When everything is seemingly
Pitting me against you.

I've always been a mistake
It seems you planned it
Now it does anyway
We've been rivals so long
At each other's throats
Like dogs, ever read the book
Call of the Wild?
I imagine that
You made me do all of this
You lead me into this
Only to make me drown
In my own coffin that you built
And they say
"Its ok, God will save you
He can make everything better"
Is that true?
That's what they're supposed
To think huh?
But they don't know
What you hide from them
They don't know you
Like I do
You planned all of this
Didn't you, God?
It's been you the whole time
Well I'm ready, ******
Let's do battle, let's fight
And when I win
When I kick your ***
You don't get to **** with me
Not anymore
I get to be happy permanently
Got it?
Bring it on, *******.

It feels as if
I'm saying goodbye
To the life that I knew
Because a new one is here

It's safe to say
There's nothing left there
To have been weighed down by
But I miss it all the same

If the birds knew
Oh if they only knew
How much worry can ****
And how much it hurts to die

But if it's done
If its not the same
If that is in the past
God help me, i'll die alone

Another day, another dollar
Going to school to be a scholar
Sitting here in physics class
I could really use a homework pass
Mrs. Harvey is teaching and being loud
Everyone's so calm, but i don't know how
Learning Thermodynamics and specific heat
As i sit unaware while my mind retreats
Thinking about a single person's lies
Which caused my constantly twitching eye
Only thinking one thing, asking myself why
I keep telling myself that the end is nigh
Giving the tax payers a tight, stiff collar
Just so i can write this poem...
Another day, another dollar

Anymore, again
Seldom do I scare
For, the moment, then
I just don't care
Like roadkill, still
Wariness is absent
Taunting will
Having rent spent
Look toward the Robin
For life living advice
My head throbbin'
But his voice, reminds me my vice

Death is too kind
For a person like me

Nothing more pure
But disgust clouds me
Makes me a terrible person
Each time she looks at me
The second road would end
The first is right
But we can't find our way
Back home
We will
We will
But I forget to see that.

My wife ran off with the butcher again
So now i'm sleeping on a train
And i'm wearing blue
Because i'm feeling blue

I'm dreaming of a place
I cannot explain
So let me sleep on my train
So the world...
So the world goes by

If it all were to go
I would not complain
But let me sleep on my train
So the world...
So the world goes by

Yeah soon I will wake
To another pain
So let me sleep on my train
So the world...
So the world goes by

So the world...
So the world goes by

Unsung don't say it,
Touch it or replay it
It only happens once
So long to last lines
Every time's the first time
I'm off to have some fun
A cauldron of potions,
Drops of the oceans,
Couldn't solve this one
As luck would have it
I'm on the planet,
So it seems are you

Every night
I cry myself to sleep
Over a thousand dreams

She told me once
And a thousand times
No
Not gonna happen
Never again
And every time
I thought differently
I never listened
Because I'm a man
And men get their way
She'll tell me again
A thousand more times
No
Not gonna happen
Never again
And every time
I'll think differently
I'll never listen
Because I'm a man
And men get their way

And after you’ve painted
A thousand trees,
A hundred birds or more
And a city street,
A single grain of sand
Painted within a mile long beach
Means as much as the sum
Of all the other brush strokes each.

A thousand years
I've got time
I've come a long way

A thousand years
I've lost time
I've come a long way

A thousand years
I am life
I've come a long way

No matter how much
I wish for my death
I always feel weirdly
Attached to this life

Service of a cut
Looking at your ****
Service of a burn
New songs learned
Torn and frayed
Memories made
All of a loss
Paths are crossed
Progress slowed
Checkers on the road

Unique we start
But I have no heart

Killing a dead man
Holding your hand
Constantly now nervous
Doing you a disservice
Throwing a fit
Still looking at it
Draw the line
Now you look at mine
Praying you're fine
Drinking the wine

Holding a knife
And I have no life

Making you remember
Good September
Continuously pivoting
Conversations riveting
Boundaries set
How we met
Want to run
Your fear of a gun
What I couldn't see
Your love for me

My heart thunders for you still
Though I have no will

Stabbed in the gut
Stuffed in an urn
Service of a cut
Service of a burn

I woke up one morning
All my fingers rotting
I woke up a dying man
Without a chance

I came to your window
Threw a stone and waited
At the door a stranger stood
The stranger's voice said nothing good
I turned to walk the frozen ground
Alone
All the way home

Wide-eyed walker
Do not wander
Do not wander
Through the dawn

Both my eyes are fading
No light in the evening
Planted like a seed in sand
And drowned in rain

Watch you for an hour
He kept you beneath him
He kept you on lock and key
He paid the wage you sent to me
And waste the day so idly
Alone
All the way home

Wide-eyed walker
Do not wander
Do not wander
Through the dawn

Scarcely,
I see what I hope to see

Loudly,
I want to yell your name

Yieldingly,
I elect not to do so

Instantly,
I sink into the depths

Regrettably,
I take the foolish risks

Incessantly,
I continue to hang onto this

Slowly,
I will wither and blow away

Like the pedals of the flower
Yes, I wither and blow away
Like the beauty of nature itself
My sadness is here to stay

I'm bitter now
Bitter and torn
Because I can't
Protect you anymore

At once, the world was
Filled with happiness
And light, luminating
Then slowly
But quickly, the world was
Drowned in sorrow
And darkness, sickening

And then I looked up
And saw myself at 71
After 50 years of it
And looked down
And saw myself at 21
After a few months of it
And I don't know
And I may never
Which one did it
But I looked at myself
And just said the words
"Beckon Me"

Don't let your mind get weary and confuse
Your will, be still, don't try
Don't let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there's a strength that lies
Don't let your soul get lonely child
It's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness
Be here now
Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall
Be here now

I found just now
The personality
I am the most in love with
A great relief for me
But the bad part is
It doesn't actually exist
It's only in fiction
Condescending yet
Fully understanding
Comically light, yet
No seriousness
No fear in speaking the mind
Dark past, bad visions
Terrible desires
But a good heart
Makes me want to die
And be reborn anew
In her presence
The next great novel
I'd **** for that,
She'll **** anyway

Another cigarette
Another case of beer
Another bad decision
Another child of fear

One more time
One more day
One more fault
One more fray

Keep on smoking
Keep on drinking
Keep on ruining
Keep on sinking

Continue your mess
Continue your ways
Continue ******* us up
Continue to pray

You think God
is going to fix
what you've done?

One more far fetched game
Keep on wishing
Continue your dream

I’ll dissolve in the end
I’ll turn to dust and
Blow away in the wind
My emotions like sand
I’ve never had a real friend.

Landing the flip
It doesn't matter
The music plays
In the background
I spend my life
The same every day
New person
Different day
Same me
I'm always just
Breaking broken

For the second time
It's almost better this time
Two hundred
Twenty eight thousand
Nine hundred
Ninety six pieces
I will
Two hundred
Twenty eight thousand
Nine hundred
Ninety five pieces
Finally,
No more running
No more chasing
The pieces are cooperating
You were so broken
And you still are
When i finish
And i will
I can tell the final image
Will have breaks and tears
But i can feel myself being
Part of it
I am
Two hundred
Twenty eight thousand
Nine hundred
Ninety four pieces
I am, and i will
Two hundred
Twenty eight thousand
Nine hundred
Ninety three pieces
We are,
And we will

You're so broken
Shattered
A million pieces
I'm picking up
Let's see
This one goes here
And that one-
Ouch, sharp
I can see it
What this is meant to be
What you're meant to be
The pieces aren't 
Together yet
But i'll put them
Where they belong
I will
The way you belong
Happy
You're so broken
A million pieces
But i will
Nine hundred 
Ninety nine thousand
Nine hundred
Ninety nine pieces
I will
Nine hundred 
Ninety nine thousand
Nine hundred
Ninety eight pieces
I will 
This is going to be
Beautiful
When it's done
When i finish
And i will
Nine hundred 
Ninety nine thousand
Nine hundred
Ninety seven pieces
I will

Five hundred
Fifty three thousand
Five hundred 
Nineteen
I will
Five hundred
Fifty three thousand
Five hundred
Eighteen
I wi-
What is that?
Earthquake? 
How? Everything
Was so perfect
And now the pieces are
Scattered, broken
Again
Wait, the pieces!
No!
No....
Ok well...
Putting the first few
Hundred thousand 
Together was actually
Kind of fun
But now they run
But now they...run?

the pieces spontaneously grow legs and run away

No! I can help you
Don't go
This was my life now
And i was happy
Happier than i've ever been
Fine. 
I guess i'll have to
Find, catch, and 
Put you back together
And i will
I promise
I will
I see trails and clues
Follow them to
The scattered pieces
One running away
Gotcha
Nine hundred 
Ninety nine thousand
Nine hundred 
Ninety nine
I will

Broken spears lie in the roads;
We have torn our hair in grief.
The houses are roofless now, and their walls
Are red with blood...

I know not at all
What it's called
But I think i've felt it before
The feel of it
This feeling
It crushes you down
And builds you up
Blows you away
And stands you up
It makes you feel pointless
Yet with a reason to live
And she walks with you
And she talks with you
And she laughs with you
And she looks at you
And you look back
Into her life, her being
Her decisions, her thoughts
Her past, her future
When you look in her eyes
And you see the present
And you can't quite tell
If the heartbeat you hear
Is hers, because of you
Or you grew another heart
Because one might not be enough

But the moment the two part ways
The man and the woman
They have separate points of view
He hates how time passes so slowly
And she just loves the butterflies
When they meet again, music will play
And everyone will know
What they're too embarrassed to admit

I just can't stand it
It's ever irritating
I want to go home