ever since I grew a consciousness
I was good at everything
I had straight A’s
Perfect attendance
had a high level reading level almost every grade I was in
I was one of the best archers in my freshman year
my reputation was very well known
but it’s not like I was popular or known by every at school
I was just considered on of the “smart kids”
and I held that title to my heart  
now you may know that their is a thing called “sophomore slumps”
when I first heard of it
I didn’t think of it as much
falling into delusion that I still will be in the top as usual
but now my crown has been snatched from my head and then crushed onto the floor
my grades were now…. average
to the point I’m more focus on trying to pass a class rather getting an A+ as usual
my amazing perfect attendance has been
ruined
since my therapist and psychiatrist has taken my sweet time away from school hours
plus I don’t even do sports anymore
and my love for archery has been diminished from my mind
my reputation was on a tightrope every day
aside from that
my high reading level stayed the same
but at this point who even cares about that

Now the only thing I’m perfect at doing is
waking up and finding a reason to not go back to sleep

I wonder what Icarus felt like
when he tried to touch the face of the sun
and rub his hands on the sun’s cheek bones
only for the sun to reject him from trying to reach its throne
I sympathize with Daedalus grief
when he tried to warn his son from the dangers of confronting the giver of light
then watching his sons' wings fail him
When they both flapped their waxy wings
they both had visions
of where they want to go
Daedalus wanted to seek a place where their freedom would not be taken away
while Icarus wanted to fly
he wanted to soar with the clouds
and migrate with the birds
he wanted to reach where the golden gates were placed
and hold the embrace of God between his fingers
but the sun refused this
the sun took Icarus wings and clipped them
removing every feather that was sewn onto the wings Daedalus made for him
the hot wax pulling Icarus down to the depths of the earth

I imagine what Icarus had to conclude
when during the fall he then realizes
how this was going to be the last thing he will experience
before his body hits the sea
drowning from the great ocean currents
which took his last breath
I can picture what Daedalus must have saw
when he saw his son falling into the arms of death carrying him down below
knowing that even though Icarus was able to fly in that moment
that cause led to his demise

“Why am I here?”
I asked myself that over and over again
as my body floats in space
the outer layer of the atmosphere is so dense I can feel the surface rub against my helmet
my body is light as a feather
I can hear my bones rattling with one another within my body
when I was standing on the earth’s crust
I can see the stars at the night sky
if I where to look hard enough I can see constellations dancing and embracing themselves with glee
now I’m up above with them
but the constellations do not applaud for my arrival
they just shimmer until they turn dull
so I dance with the void instead

for a while my brain feels quiet
a constant low ringing in my ear
I couldn’t tell if I was just imagining it
or my ears were in shock from realizing how quiet the universe is when you only known sound from I’m from
I snap my brain back into reality
remembering what I must do
I look at my surroundings
at first all I saw was nothing
but then I see a gray sphere a distance away
it was the moon
spinning in rotation
impersonating a ballerina in a huge ballroom filled with mirrors
I paddle my feet to its location
setting my feet in its dry surface
“mission complete” I told myself

I sit down with my legs crossed
observing what’s around me for the final time
I can sense the earth mourning my name
begging me to come home
I put my hand out in a cup-like position
where I can see the earth within my fingertips
then I finally realized
the earth can give you so many questions
but the stars give you theories

there was a scrawny man on the side of the street
he was holding a cardboard sign
and his words were not filled with glee.
The cardboard sign said "the end is near"
and he kept on shouting it till his voice croaked
and the people that passed him were not in fear
they all thought he was a ****** who wanted to act like a pope
he chanted those words' day and night
children hearing him from their windows
and the night rodents observe him with delight.
One day that all changed
the sky turning cherry red with stratus clouds
and smoke began to appear from the cracks on street lanes
creatures crawling from the underground
screeching their arrival to the humans
telling them that this is their new domain now.
As the sun turns pitch black
and the moon becomes crimson red
the land was now populated with giant maggots
while the sea was soaked up and now looked dead.
The people who despised the scrawny man with the cardboard sign
go to him looking for wisdom that will dismiss their fear
for they do not know what will become of them next
but all he could say is "can't you see our future is clear, our freedom was never here".

I fear to be seen as the person next to me
to act and present myself how society wants me to be seen
never being different in my own way
but I also fear to be the odd one out
to be treated for the way I express myself
becoming singled out from the population as a whole
it's quite interesting when you think about it
wanting to be different
but to also want to blend in with the crowd
so, every day I change myself
switching my persona in a quick flash
just so I can't let this odd fear of mine
to swallow me alive just so I can spit it out
leaving an uncanny taste sizzling in my mouth

I was working all night
my body wanted to go on sleep mode
but I had to resist
soon later I get a call
I answer it and say the same thing I say every single day
“911 what’s your emergency?”
for a couple of minutes, I heard nothing
just static noise coming from the phone
I asked again hoping I get an answer
then I hear small snuffles
as if someone was crying
it was the sound of a woman on the call
“Ma’am is everything okay?” I asked
silence is all I received back
soon later I heard mumbling
“I’m tired….” she mumbles
I can still hear her snuffing
I continue to do what I am informed to do
“Is something wrong?” I asked
she stopped her snuffing and mumbling
“I don’t know anymore…. I think there is something wrong with me...” she said
I started to type on my keyboard
“do you need an ambulance or the police to come to your aid” I replied typing away in my keyboard
“I don't know... but I think I know what I need to do...” she said
I started to hear the sound of footsteps from the call
then the sound of the water was echoing through the phone line
“Ma’am where are you right now” I asked in a serious tone
“I’m at my favorite bridge... but don’t worry I’ll be in another place far better than this bridge” she said in a drained tone
I start putting the pieces together quickly
I send a ambulance and police officers on the way to her location
“ma’am whatever you're doing please resist, help is on the way” I replied with an anxious tone
sweat was running down my face
my heart was pumping in milliseconds
but all I heard was static on the other line
she then replied
“I don’t know if I need help at this point, I’m in a nightmare and I can’t wake up”
I look around the office I was in
no one was on the same shift as me
I was alone
time was ticking for me
but she thinks her time is up
with a heavy heart I said
“Is it okay if you can stay on the line with me”
she said “sure I guess…”
we stayed on the line for a while
for that time period I decided to stop acting like my profession
I start acting like her guide in beginning
then became her friend in the end
throughout our talk she told me everything
about her life, struggles, and her deep thoughts that dwell within
some of them I can relate too
we talk about our opinions about the meaning of life and death
until later I heard the sound of police sirens coming from the call
“well, I guess it’s no use to jump huh, you know I liked our talk, it’s nice to know someone out there who cares” she said softly
I got informed that they removed her out of the bridge safety and took her somewhere safe
the phone line went off after that
I look at the time
its midnight still
before I could even take a sigh of relief
I get another call
I answer and say the same thing I say every single day
“911 what’s your emergency?”

my mom makes me leave my door open
she doesn’t like it when I lock my it shut
if I do that she knocks gently
telling me to open the door with a very worried tone in her voice
unlike my dad who bangs on my door
as if he is a robber trying to steal a car
I’m now counting down the days till I see a big dent on my door because of him
he slams my door without an alibi
telling me to open the door so he can send me off to do an errand for him
while my mom does have an alibi
when I leave my room door open
my mom will poke her head out
time after time again to check on me
making sure that I haven’t turned myself into a funeral photo that she’ll soak her tears into
crying for answers that she’ll never receive
wondering what she’s has done wrong to make me remove myself from our family legacy for eternity
but that’s not the case
because she didn’t did anything wrong
so I’m ok with having my door left open
because I want her to know that
even if I want to erase my existence at times
I’m still here