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 Jan 2017 Deanna
Jenni
shoulders
 Jan 2017 Deanna
Jenni
I miss having shoulders
a right angle of skin and bone
nothing more
nothing less
I miss having shoulders
because it seems at some point I outgrew them
at some point my shoulders became an invitation
a ***** secret
a temptation
they teach us this in school
you can't show too much shoulder
lest some boy become too tempted
and I always scoffed at this
what is so ****** about a shoulder?
but then why is it that I feel so violated
when a man twice my size decides
this right angle of skin and bone
is his
to ******
roughly
as he whispers in my ear
why is it that I feel so defeated
when I yet again feel a man's hands on my body
uninvited
probing
trying to find something ******
about a right angle of skin and bone
why is it that even when I am fully clothed
men still feel entitled to touch me

I thought if I followed the two inch strap rule I was safe
 Sep 2015 Deanna
Jenni
Untitled
 Sep 2015 Deanna
Jenni
Pressure
On all sides
Pushing in on me
Smothering me
Choking me
And then it's inside me
Pushing out
And maybe I'm just caught
In the crossfire of something bigger
Getting smashed
Between two opposing forces
It doesn't even matter that much
I just need to breathe
And I can't get the air
 Sep 2015 Deanna
Jenni
I self medicate by listening to old punk music
Maybe a little too loud
And throwing myself into my schoolwork
To feel some sense of accomplishment
By buying too many lipsticks
In the approximate same dark purple shade
And living inside of fantasy novels
And sometimes I self medicate
By hiding the empty bottles behind my bed
So I don't have to look at them
Because I know they didn't make anything better
 Sep 2015 Deanna
kaitlyn-marie
love is carrot launching off the third floor balcony
replacing underwear with oranges
sitting in a circle ten wide playing Mafia
dancing to Steely Dan in the kitchen
pool rafts and cousins and DCOMs
father’s day watching golf on TV with oldies music dance parties
everything but the kitchen sink trail mixes
popsicle parties and two different colors of eye shadow
photoshoots with best friends and “Elephant” on vinyl
secret sharing with sisters on bunk beds
your best friend writing you a poem called “Sail On Silver Girl”
dancing to “Round Here” in the living room when dad came home
matching t shirts and coming home
barefoot drinking black coffee with the windows open
October air and the smell of apples with a hint of cinnamon
singing “rivers and roads” by the fire on the beach with the fireworks
your dad’s friends handing you beers because their own daughters wont drink them
holding hands with somebody you’ve never met before at church
tri-state Netflix movie nights
your grandpa noticing that your eye makeup is different
hearing “poor man’s son” live and acapella
the movie Fired Up and how it never gets old
love is the sound of laughter and never saying uncle .
 Jul 2015 Deanna
Jenni
White Lies
 Jul 2015 Deanna
Jenni
I lied when I said
That I didn't understand smoking
And when I told my dad
That I probably wouldn't drink much
After I turned 21

I keep a book of matches
Under my pillow
And a bottle of *** behind my bed
There's nothing wrong
With a couple of
White Lies
 Jul 2015 Deanna
Jenni
Marble Eyes
 Jul 2015 Deanna
Jenni
I wish to be a statue
Frozen for a moment
For an eternity
Beautiful
And lifeless
And hard
Enduring
Strong in all the ways I'm not
And unfeeling
Untouched by tedious things
As emotions
Love, pain
It's all the same
Bouncing off my shell
Like beads of rain
I feel nothing
The weather may move me
The weather may change me
The weather may destroy me
But the weather is kind
Maybe this time when I fall apart
I won't feel anything

*Marble Eyes Will Never Cry
 Jun 2015 Deanna
Gigi Tiji
missing
 Jun 2015 Deanna
Gigi Tiji
there's a howl in the darkness
and my muscles are twisting like trees

I'm barking mad, lemme tell ya

they took me for a ride
and I had no idea where I was

there's a coyote on my porch
sniffing around for scraps

it seems the fool is knocking on my door

explode into raven and
I am flying backwards
in a plume of feathers

smoke billows from charred fields
sunflowers grew here once

they were thick enough to hide inside

God, I miss them.
 Jun 2015 Deanna
Jenni
Don't hold my hand
I'm sinking
I'll only
Make you drown

You meet my eyes
But I'm blinking
I can't help but
Let you down

This isn't going to work
I've been thinking
You shouldn't
Keep me around

I need to pick my pieces
Off the ground
 May 2015 Deanna
moss
Nothing but your words
Float in my head

Nothing but your words
Heavy as lead

Nothing but your words
Hang by a thread

Nothing but your words
Fill me with dread
A poem about overthinking and social anxiety.
 May 2015 Deanna
Jenni
I'm sad about what could have been
But not about what was

Maybe I did feel something
But I don't think it was love

I miss the times you felt like home
Though they were few and far

Perhaps there is a difference
Between what was there
And what I saw

I stay up late writing ****** poems
You wake up with the dawn

We're night and day
We're sun and rain

It's just the way we are

And maybe to think
We'd work together
Was taking things too far
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