I wont back down the next time you spit in my face
or stab me in the back, next time i am going to teach you your place
next time i am going to teach what its like to suffer
and there will not be pads to act as a buffer
you think your hot stuff
well kid your not tuff
you want to start a fight
well i don't bark i just bite
so come get some, get what you got coming

ill tell you this much, when you do i wont be limping away,
because my stupidity and macho ego lead me astray,
ill be the only one left standing, only one still proud
but still i am sure you will be be so stupid and so loud

you want a fight
good ill bath in your blood later that night
you want to run your mouth well have no doubt
i'll be the one to knock you out.
Bring your friends, let them join the fun
I'll be the only one left when all is said and done

Parents, you must understand
That I do no wish I be alive,
But will not die by my hand
For acceptance and happiness I strive

I desire to be accepted for myself
And strive to be happy so others
Are not depressed by my wasted self
To be happy is a challenge, why bother

For my sisters I still draw breathe
For they woul not understand my death
But you should know my life
Is not lived for myself

this year ***** everyone else
***** there happiness
because this year i am on worrying bout my self
doing what makes me happy and not dumb chicks

i know this does not rhyme but i am expressing myself
so you do what makes you happy and shut the hell up
let me do me and you do you
and later when you are sitting back and wondering why the hell i am acting this way
remeber its your fault and when i was down and hurt you walked over
and just kicked me in the ribs and punch me in the gut
if only i knew before you were just a ***** **ut

so i will be me and you stay clear
cause me is not who you should be near

death came to me in a dream
and unlike him it did seem
he wasn't a skeleton, rotted to bone
he was just a young man who was all alone

hated by everyone, except for me
he had came not to set my soul free
but to tell me that i must live and suffer
to take the life i was given, with no buffer

to dull the pain, to dull the hell
and that soon the smell
of corpses would fill the air
and then he gave me a odd dare

to live, and then he vanished into the mist
the fog curling around my skin in such a bliss
then i tripped and i fell and fell,
till i ended up in hell

death was there and so was Lucifer
he said that life was over, and time to suffer

when you realize,
she loves to hate you,
and you hate to love her

i am suppose to be writing a paper
for my English class, but i can't focus
and i blame you, you occupy my thoughts
you are in every poem i write,

i can't think of anyone else
just you, and your pretty self
you so beautiful,
so radiant

you are perfect

i am sitting here
lacking fear,
being alone
writing poems,
wanting someone that feels like home

well a girl caught my eye
one that i hate to say bye
to, i hate leaving
but i love teasing

she is cool and down to earth,
being with her, feels like having a hearth
or a home, whatever you call it
i hope she is the one who teaches me what it

is like to be wanted, and needed
cared about, but my words and thoughts retreated
and i just look stupid around her
so i leave and don do a thing sides think of her

i am sitting here
full of  fear,
of rejection
wishing for her affections
will she be someone that feels like home?

ironic isn't it,
that my parents said no theatre
but they get mad unless i act
like the perfect son that i am not

She is amazing so beautiful and smart
And hopefully we are of to a good start
She is cute and adorable, she made
Today great just by being with me and sipping lemonade.

She made the day I hate
All this and more, she is great
How better to describe the superb
I am so thankful we are together,
So thank you for today.

you lead me on
use me like a pawn
then wonder whats wrong
why i just move along

and refuse to say hi
and always try to say bye
i am a ***, i am a fool
you think you make a rule

and i will listen, and bend
backwards to do it, end
this must,
you lost my trust

and i keep wanting you back
your like a drug, and it got's me off track
you put me through hell
i run if you ring a bell

to give you some help
but i need help
i need to stop
you, i need to drop

every time i see your photo, i get sad
and think and wish for what we had
but then remember i did it for you
so you could be happy, but i still envy you two

Emotions drained to the point
That they are almost nonexistent
I  fail everyone, do nothing but disappoint
My heart beated, cracked, and has a dent

Then you came along and built me a ego
Then you came and made me feel
You came and had a soft touch,
You held me and it seems you love me

And I love you.

I can no longer be alone with you
The mix of love and the feelings of anger
are in conflict.
I still feel the same as before
Us ended and it become you and I
I still miss you, still read your letter
Still look at pictures of you for longer
then I should.

You have replaced me no problem
You are making personal descions
that affect my future.
A future that you are no longer apart of.
It's over remember?
You are with him, and I am alone.
So get out of my future.
It's you and I not US.

the poems are here
they are filled with doubts
curiosity, and a little fear
the things i think about

the hatred gets funneled into
these poems, the rage as well
my emotions that cause me to brew
the things that cause my chest to swell

and my fists to get balled up
but how come this does not
alleviate my depression
it doesn't absorb the sad thoughts

or the urges to die
the urges to cut my wrists
and the rest of me, the urges to jump,
off the roof, and not fly

I know dear, that I've upset you
And I know the reason is valid
But I'm sorry baby, and I love you.
Please don't leave me alone with myself
I would not be able to make it,
Help me, from myself
Like you have been.

friends, till the end
to watch each others back
you were my closest friend
i would protect from any attack

and after you switched moods so fast
i was left with a bad case of whiplash
you get mad and say you were just using me
it wasn't a secret, i knew you were, and be

cause i cared, i tried to make you happy over me
but still you couldn't let your heart go free
remeber being all over me? and then yelling at me
saying i am a sin and wrong for you, and to leave you be

but i was the only person on your side really
so good luck have fun, cause now i am done

i love you

love is not something i know, so how do i tell you?
over thinking is what i am doing instead of explaining myself and i do this
very well, but it does not help my problem
every day i want to tell you

you are so sweet kind and true,
only my love is towards you
u are my heart, and soul

it doesn't matter what i do
the reasons, or if i am true
it all amounts to you
hating me, and everyone else too

so ***** it,
you left out a tidbit
i didn't care about her
or any other

girl, i just wanted you
i liked you, that was true
but then you ran of with my friend
and that should have been the end

but you still give me hell
and its all my fault
how you went for him
and crushed me,

so thank you for the pain
cause thats all i feel now
so please do it again

Over a year ago and I still miss you
I can't get you out of my head,
every beauty of nature
Of your beautiful smile
Every time I dance
The memory of dancing with you creeps back in
And I miss your lips when
I taste something sweet
Most of all I miss your voice
That sweet melody better then
Any orchestra, and musician.
Just you alone could get me through
Any day or night or hell.
Your loss hurts the most.
And it's cut deeper then any knife

slice here
cut there
and watch my blood spill everywhere
but i sit here instead, pulling out my hair

i promise to you i made
before my scars had a chance to fade
so i sit here, cause the promise i will not break
even if your intentions are fake

a few more years
and ill full-fill her fears
and gain a uniform
some country i  will storm

the only reason to stay
has now gone away
i used to want to be
her's, now i want free

not me to be free no
but for her to be so
i want to protect her freedom
so where ever i may roam

i hope she finds a home
to be herself, a home
for her to be free
and so she will forget me

since i am not her taste...

"Guys I think I beat being depres..."
The words refuse to come out
Somethig inside me stops me.
Maybe the darkness inside?
Is it the sadistic nature that reveals In
My own depressed states? I do not
Think I suffer depression... But
These states come and go...
"Should I stay or should I go?"
It stays and goes as it please,
Nightmares here and nightmares there
Unforgiving discontent stares.
This little pressure is making me crack
I can get this darkness off my back.
Should I embrace the darkness or hate?
Is this truly what is to be my fate?
This constant struggle? This endless rebirth of my inner struggle that devours and wrecks my psyche.
This that destroys my very mind?
This ? This should one be content with?

I will look like a fool,
and you will look beautiful
I will be nervous,
and you will be calming
This formal the one
dance i want, is one with you

i am starting to notice
that a lust for dissecting
things is over taking
a desire for human interaction

Talking to her I forget all the pain
It doesn't feel like I am stuck in a fiery rain
I feel normal and human
I barely know her an

She makes me forget how broken
I am she makes me want to try a relationship again
She has a boyfriend though
So what do I do

I know I need to e by her side
In case she wants to cry or hide
From the crappyness of it all
I wanna be there when invade she is to fall

So I can pick her up
But instead I just come up
With these ****** poems
And complaint bout how I don't know what a home

Is like, I just want to hold her
I can't focus near her
Being on the bus ***** cause I just wanna kiss her
What do I do when all I want is her?

If that special someone,
says those words you have been
dying for someone to say to you,
the phrase "I love you"
They are lying, they do not care
and are just blindfolding you before they
shoot you done

i finally got her, and no i am working and she is at school
im sore tired and thinking of her and she is busy following rules
i am loading wood and cutting trees and she is learning about tree types
i am thinking about her and she is thinking about god knows what

My mind is racing, and palms sweating
Your eyes are gorgeous, and your hair is equally so

He still lingers in your thoughts
Every doubt possible is in my mind
All this in hopes that you will be mine
****, you are so divine

"What's your guilty pleasure",
Really are all pleasures not guilty?
They certainly feel that way
I have definitely paid for mine
Not with money but with pain
And blood

6 months later and I still
Have the feel of your kiss
On my lips, the feel
Of your embrace I miss
The way you bite,
The way we kissed goodnight
Just a few more moments
And I'll be with you in my arms.
Just a few more months.

You left me alone, possibly when most needed
The next day I'm in te hospital and who
Is it that I want? Who do i need holding my hand?
Funning that I still wanted and needed you
Even though you left me when things got hard.

But still I miss you and still I want you.

Writing is the one thing I can submerge my emotions in.
I can drown them out and the voices
In my skull, it clears my mind
And if only for a brief moment
It even silences the pain

Is love really worth it?
For you it seems not.
You seem to think that leaving
Is easy when that is not the case dear
So ask yourself is it worth it?
Because for me it is.
But then again I do not matter,
So I guess it is not.

get mad because i dont believe what you do?
your religion teaches acceptance and to not judge
but every time i want to stay home,
you get mad and you do not even care about my reasons

you just do not ask, do not try to understand
you just get mad at me, so whatever have fun
in heaven, cause i will enjoy suffering in hell

i want to scream, till my throat is raw
till my chest explodes, till my lungs implode
and i still will feel no better then i do now

"we are made of broken parts"
i love this quote cause it is true
someone broke me to make me you
i realized what happened and tried to stop it

but it was to late and i was broken
my heart cracked spirit shattered
looking at the pieces wondering where to begin
put me back together, but i'm still torn and battered

battered and torn
full of scorn
pieces missing and feeling blue,
the emptiness can only be filled by you

what do i need to do,
what will it take
to get a girl that's true
and me not have to be fake

I need you my readers to explain
what it is to get a girl and keep her
i want a good relationship for once, even if its just plain
it may be odd coming from me, but it is what it is
every girl just seems to have a purpose or motive
why is there not a girl who just wants a simple relationship
and if there is a girl like that i want to meet her

i am tired of the games
i am tired of the motives
i am tired of girls like her

what do i need to do,
what will it take
to get a girl that's true
and me not have to be fake

I miss your kiss,
I miss kissing your neck
I miss your head on my chest
I miss how you feel in my arms
I miss your smile and your charms
I miss you
I miss us

When that blade breaks the skin
and blood spills on that high carbon steel
The chemical release, forces a grin
and then the guilt becomes again real

so another cut must be made
till the guilt starts to fade
and all i feel is the brief and fading release

Its not the major things
but the little things
that mean so much to me
and make you beautiful

"fruit dude"
who is rude
yea that is me
but what else could i be

i do not know what to say
when she walks by and goes "hey"
when i don't expect
she deserves to get respect

so i need to work on how i treat
her, we really should meet
up and hang, its a shame
but she will just find me lame

this as got to stop, it needs to end
i can't stand just being you friend
i just can't take it
when you come to me to vent

about these other guys
who feed you lies
i want it to be me and you,
i want to hold you to

i want to be yours and you be mine
maybe not forever, that is fine
but to have once would sate me,
but all you do is hate me

so this is a goodbye
i am not gonna say hi
not till maybe your single
and then we may mingle

but until then, never mind this is not goodbye
because what if you need me, i will not ask why
i will be right there by your side,
and be a shield to protect and hide

you

Trying to write a paper and my mind goes blank
she is all that comes to mind, the only thing i can think
is about her and how she will never be mine,
if we were even just friends that'd be fine

We never talk anymore
its not like you showed me the door
we just stopped talking
and when i see you walking

(chorus:
Why can't i get her out off my mind
i miss her and yea she is fine
but I can't find
the words to make her mine)

I wish it was to me
then i remember that we
will never ever be
but i want you to see

So i am sitting here
in this wooden chair
trying to write not a poem
or about home

(chorus )


but this poem to you dear
a girl i nowhere near
deserve, and have known for years
why do all my fears

involve messing up with her
and all pain i would endear
to just once have her say
that she is mine, even if only for a day

Why do i feel like i am waiting on you?
Because i am, i disgust my self
do you see what i am truly? no
you do not, no one does
think i am so great,
I AM WORTHLESS

I should have died five times now
but yet my worthless self is still alive
***** this and that this needs to end
I can't do it so, dear friends
end me
put my worthless disgusting embarrassing
existence to rest, end it all
END MY WORTHLESS LIFE

i want to scream,
i want to shout
i hate my dreams
i just want out

i just want you
but i also want left be
i just want it to
be you and me

i want away from this place
but only if i can take you
but you barely know me, sides my face
and what i look like, to

bad though cause it *****
to not be known, or your feelings be known
this *****, that she can't give any fu**s
but this is what i am used to, being on my own

take the blade and cross it againist yours
you counter and swing at me,
i block and disarm you
knock you to your knees

i cut your arm and stab your thigh
cut your throat and watch you die
maybe i shouldn't let this out
of my mind and onto paper

hmm choices choices
wrong, right? which is which?
oh thats right
"nothing is good or bad just thinking that makes it so"

I tanned this summer
Tanned over my scars
So now only the ones
That I didn't inflict
Are visible

tomorrow will be the dance,
the dance with her
that i have waited so long for
hopefully i do not mess up
for her sake....

i am losing my mind
my sanity i cannot find
my brain i did not bring
i can't feel anything

what is wrong with me
why am i not free
your out of my life, i still can't breathe
i think i need to leave

this place, this home?
i lost my tome
my book
i cannot look

for because it seems that I
need to go to a corner and die

i am losing my mind
my sanity i cannot find
my brain i did not bring
i can't feel anything