two years then i leave this in my rear view mirror
off to basic training, then to be deployed
my only wish is that i am not missed
because i will not be coming back,
instead i'll defend any attack
that comes this nations way
but this state i can not stay,
i gotta get out
have no doubt
this is my
goodbye

one simple question,
why do i exist?

he died, six years ago today
and he still doesn't seem far away
but this year i did not dwell
on it, because you made it well

i thought of you, your smile your face
instead of death, i craved your embrace
i hope i do not creep you out
make you happy, not shout

her lips entice me for a taste
but if we kiss, i hope it lasts
i hope that my complexion still doesn't look like paste
and with her i take it slow and not fast

i want to hold her close
and be hers, maybe not forever, but only a few years
i want to become love drunk and comatose
and protect her from all of her fears

i really, and simply just would like her

You need to open up
not bury it all deep
"open up"
yea that doesn't cost a steep

price that burdens your soul
open up to people who don't give a ****
to people that do not care I am not whole
to people who don't care how often i take hits

for them, take pain for them,
take burdens off them
but i need to open up to them
so they can't rip out the last bit of my heart I hid?

your lips, are addictive
your body is mesmerizing
you touch sets me on fire
my heart beats for you

you hold my hand
my heart skips a beat
then you lay on my chest
and i feel at bliss

then our lips touch,
and a fire begins inside me
and consumes me
you are perfection dear
my mind can't stay off of you
you are my drug, when I go with out
seeing you i have withdraw symptoms
you are my happiness, my sanity
the only one I listen to
dare I say I love you?

i want to scream
i need to let off some steam
i want to get in a fight
i hope i die tonight

i am broken and need a fix
and you are up to your usual tricks
you make me want to flip
i want to punch you in the lip

you are worse than the worst pain
you swear to everyone i am insane
watch your back
so you fall under attack

because i will not cut you any slack
but i will cut down your back
so take a second and think
before i crash your head into a sink

Before I was with you
I was just bad and sad human being
I could go on because I was apathetic
Now I realize I am just pathetic
Then you came into my life
And gave me these memories
Take them back, take them all back
The good, the sad, just all of them.
Before I didn't miss you.
Now all I do is think of you.

comment below on the poem
you think should help take home
a victory in a writing contest
which poem will succeed in this conquest

love is a word, that has meaning to people,
but none to me, i used to think it did, then i realized
i could not love anyone, or anything because i have one flaw
you can not love another being till you love  yourself first,
but i f*in hate myself and everything i do
so *** is love, will someone teach me?

ever time i think about the perfect girl she comes to mind,
yet all she wants to do is press rewind
And I'm tired of livin in the past.

I'm trying to be nice
And give good advice
I'm trying not to be a *****
But what I say don't stick

She just don't believe me
And just wants left be
But I can't with that look in her eye
And just say goodbye

I want to make her feel better
Not be a regret to her
What to do?
Would anyone want me to give up in you?

either extreme feelings for her or extreme hate
why is it likes this? why am i in this state?
i need stability
i need you and your soothing ability

with out you i swear
it its more then i can bear
i am going insane,
and can only feel pain

when you are not here
what is this? maybe i care?

Thoughts I am not allowed to have


Four to three months
Then I am gone to basic
I am going to serve
An I seem so calm about it
But I am scared, scared to lose
Lose my mind, my friends
And my family.
I mean I lost
You  
So why would I not lose

The
Rest

If you love me, I thank you
Friends you guys are the best.
But if you hate me I am honored
As well as thankful, exhausted you
Dedicate more thoughts about me
Than those who love me.

she is amazing and gives my everyday life
she is everything, makes me happy
when i am sad, makes me well when i am sick
i can tell her everything

it seems she is not comfortable
telling me when she is not well
it seems, i hope everything is okay
i hope she is well
because, i love her
and i want to be able to help her
best i can

guys this is goodbye in my own way
just cause i am dumb and don't know what to say
this is all cause someone, reminded me
that trust, is something that just can't be

something for me, cause in the end
everyone is the same, and i can't have a friend
i am meant to be alone
so guys bye, and don't call cause i am turning off my phone

you ask me daily who she is
and i lie and say its no one
but you see right through that
and keep asking me

so this is to let you know
that it is you,
please don't hate me
or see me differently....

True Pain is not physical
it's thinking of her, and knowing she's with him
it's wanting to message her but knowing you will
get ignored, it's wanting to call, when she has nothing
to say to you anymore,
It's knowing that we were friends, and not knowing what we are now
True pain is losing you
even if we were just friends, I managed to fall for you
and this is what it taught me

I miss you, and can not sleep at night
i think of you, and I **** myself with fright
fright of the fact that i had happiness and lost it
I had you , and now your with him
your happier this way it seems

I can not overstep, I can't lightly
brush my lips on yours like i desire
I can not hold you close and stare into
your beautiful eyes forever
but the worse is, I want to be able to talk to you

Today I was reminded of her soft skin
And holding her and sitting next to her
Was...unique, she left me hanging
And i don't know why but it excites me

The jokes, the effortlessness of it all
The teasing "time out". All  if it
Was like a sweet candy,
That left me wanting more

for you i would be
anything, even me
if you want me as myself
because your always your amazing self

to be yours,
i would fight all wars
for you to be mine
if only for a moment, would be divine,

you are a angel, a blessing
and i am a demon, cursing
a little to much,
and craving your touch

Another sleepless night
Haven't slept in a week
Lacking any delight
Body growing weak
Out look remaining bleak

Hey guys i am new at this.
Every time it comes to poems my mind goes blank
Like when i go to talk to her
Love is a new feeling for me
Our lives are so different why would she like me?

i wanna talk to her
but i don't wanna bug her
i miss her
and wish i was with her
to hold her
and kiss her,
or just be there for her
to be need by her
my thoughts revolve around her.

you leave me notes and surprises
and you make me feel whole
I wish to do the same,
but since my handwriting is

not legible, i have to type you a poem:

Dear,
You make me feel, well
i can't describe the level
of happiness you put me
at, you are my heart
for with out you,
i am empty inside
you are my soul
because without you
I am a shade, no thoughts
no hopes, your my morality,
because with out you i am
truly a terrible person

I do not know  when you will
see this,  but know i mean
every word of it
Sincerely Jdl

So you leave and think it'll be the same
Old friends and new life seems so tame
Then you look up your all alone
And those who "cared" ignore your phone.
They don't care, never really did
Leaving you thinking why even bother.

Broken and alone
I am surrounded by people
Yet I feel alone

I am physically whole
Yet mentally and emotionally shattered
Why is it like this, what made it
All this way? Why do people feel like this?

I saw you out of the corner of my eye,
acted like i did not see you
like my interest was not peaked.
I sat away from others, and thought of you
**** my mind, for not letting me think
of something, or someone beside you.

So I sat in the corner, curious to what
you were thinking and, how you were.
But I just sat there alone, weak.
Stupid of me to think to that I
could talk to you in person.

Sitting in the corner writing this,
and you will not be the first to see it,
if you ever do. This poem like most the others
I will hide from you.
In my little corner of this of this site.

Samantha, stop reading my poems to me,
i mean i know you like reading about yourself
but why are you doing this?

why are you reading my poems
that were meant for you
but then you say i cannot have these emotions
thanks -_-

I should have been there,
to talk you out of it
but instead I wasn't and
you did what you regret
I should have been there
this mistake i will not forget
how can i earn forgiveness
for not talking someone
out of taking a blade to
their precious skin.

Feeling lonely like this, feels terrible
feels worse when you know it's your fault
you feel this way, your fault for your mistakes
you made.

I could say you were the calm before the storm,
But you weren't you were the eye
The center of the storm in my mind,
Peace and a rest until you said goodbye

At work i was distracted thinking
of you, and was rewarded by burning my hand
when i fell and put my hand on the
oven to catch myself....

Is the best thing that could
have happened, it has took one blade
out of my back, where you placed it.
I have been able to have my
broken limbs, and treat them as i
wish, without you fussing
over why I had them,
no more lies about my potential
no more lies about the good in me

the good in me died, when you held
my hand, and kissed my lips
and tried to build me up as your pawn
after tearing me down.

I wallow in my misery you say,
no i revel in it, accepting it,
and not lying that it is not what i deserve
it is what i deserve for once loving you,
but now where that love was,
is now teh acceptance that I am alive
to die, hopefully honorably,
but probably shamefully, by my own hand.

To think if you hadn't destroyed the sliver
of light in this soul that is now black
maybe I would not be this way,
or maybe I would still turn this way

so thank you, dear, you know who you are
when you read this, shoot for the stars,
so when your dream boat sinks
you will plummet to the ground below
and then you might see, how you took my heart,
and put where it was, a black hole

"he gave me a promise ring"
and my heart stopped
my spirit crushed,
but my words said, "thats great"
and my body smiled

That fuzzy feeling you get
when you hear a song that causes you to forget
and think of that one person

I can not go a day,
without hearing that song,
i think of you, and sing along
even though I am a writer, not a singer
your memory makes me a believer,
in hopeful thoughts, and personal desires.

Ever been driving down that road,
and hear that one song, you stop
and think of her?

That song you get stuck
in your head, making thoughts
run a muck

To the point you are stuck
sitting there,
just missing her

I can not go a day,
without hearing that song,
i think of you, and sing along
even though I am a writer, not a singer
your memory makes me a believer,
in hopeful thoughts, and personal desires.

Dreams of death,
nightmares of life
soul full of the dark,
but dear you are a light
that shines and keeps me sane and whole
one that no longer shines for me
but desires me to be trapped in darkness

Why would she talk to me?
When us not talking makes her
so much happier.

what is this girls game?
tells people i am lame
but wants to be on me
and crap, ugh people are annoying

What if how
i feel is love?
Scary thought....

a voice echos in the back of my mind
"one small cut will do just fine
no one cares"
your right, i should paint
the walls red shouldn't I
but this urge i do deny,

"Just stab yourself in the neck
then, you'll die fast that way"
anything to make the pain go away
not physical the emotional kind
this voice is starting to get hard to resist

this as got to stop, it needs to end
i can't stand just being you friend
i just can't take it
when you come to me to vent

about these other guys
who feed you lies
i want it to be me and you,
i want to hold you to

i want to be yours and you be mine
maybe not forever, that is fine
but to have once would sate me,
but all you do is hate me

so this is a goodbye
i am not gonna say hi
not till maybe your single
and then we may mingle

but until then, never mind this is not goodbye
because what if you need me, i will not ask why
i will be right there by your side,
and be a shield to protect and hide

you

Who knows my emotions?
Me
Who knows if i care or not?
ME
Who is trusted but can't trust?
Yet again me.

Stop assuming you know my emotions
or what my reactions will be,
just say what you need to
and not care about either

You still make me curious
and i still make you furious
You still cause the urges
you use to, thoughts i cannot purge

my mind free of,
your touch takes me,
to a different place,
how else do i put it?
it excites me, not completely
sexually, but it does make me
want you though
to be held by you, to hold you

you take me to the brink
then leave me, what to think
what to think

how can i be happy,
when i left the one
who makes me whole

how can i be human
when i seem to
lack a soul

raged voices yelling at me
reminding me of my failures,
please someone make it go away
her touch and voice could, but
she doesn't care for my sanity now,
so insanity and misery are welcoming me back
with open arms, and a tight embrace

the girl i talk to one facebook
the perfect chorus and perfect hook
amazing in every way
and her art takes breath away

she is a great friend
though she makes me very shy
I do not understand
why i can't just go to her and say hi