~
Sometimes I cry,
yes, I do
when I think about what my life
was like without you
I would watch lovers stroll,
young and old, hand in hand
knowing it was always someone else,
I was somehow always left out
It hurt, I’m not going to lie, it did…
I found myself constantly wondering
what is wrong with me?
Why was I alone…
Seeing days of sunshine for others,
laughter ringing, joy on their faces
love matching their steps, as I sat
on a wooden bench staring out into the bay
Watching a single gull floating
lonely on the water,
following the never ending ripples,
silently conforming to whatever this is
And I would think, that is me,
just floating, vacant, empty, bobbing
waiting the next tide
to bring me back to start again
For so long I was this sea bird,
chasing lunch boxes
on a crowded summer beach only to
end up hungry at the end of the day
Dreaming of a day when I would have someone,
(though I came to doubt it would happen)
to fly with me, soaring our beach,
our shore, making it all worthwhile
A heart to share
these things that I kept locked
deep inside for fear
no one would care
And yes, I still cry
at these thoughts, though
far and few between now
and disappearing more each day
For I no longer fly alone
and the waiting was so well worth it
As my smile returns and I live
the life that had always been waiting for me
And I now know the answer
to what was wrong with me,
to why I was alone…
*I hadn’t found you yet