scratch one thousand poems
never worth the ink
words that once were caramel
no longer quite so sweet
memories of us
that have not aged well
now reside
in the starless part of mind only
i do not visit them any longer
i'd imagine they are lonely

If I could sleep until tomorrow
Then I’d be fine
But I couldn't be bothered
The way today is designed
Too pish
Too posh
Too easy to slip
Right back to dreamland is my only wish

Hold my breath til sun sets
Exhaling with the moonrise

i am my fathers son
though he wasn’t there to raise me
my sins still echo his
my smile fades just as his did once
i am my fathers son

you can't love someone
into loving you
although most of us will try
one must love themself
enough to know
when certain love must die

she doesn't like flowers
at least not as romantic gestures
she'd rather
watch them
grow
blossom
wilt

whats money
when you can't buy love
whats love
without reciprocity

Dull pencil scratches notebook page
Regret the air that fills my lungs
Not always though
Not before
Not forever

If only
The line
Between Swimming and Drowning
Weren’t
So
t
h
i
n

i could write a novel filled with thoughts of you
although it sounds cliche
like legends told by fishermen
the one that got away

I loved you
I say this despite all your lies
Now I write this not for likes
But
     For
          Lives
Who feel dead inside
Terrified no longer
Those who wish to stop giving
A ****
     Up
          Their breath
To people content with living underwater
Living less then they were meant for
Living under harsh conditions
Screaming
     In
          Their loves ear
Hoping that their heart would listen.

I didn’t do the dishes
Then I didn’t brush my teeth
Forgot to drain the tub
Stale water sat for weeks
I didnt take the trash out
Bags across the floor
Couldn’t bring myself to anything
Couldnt take it anymore
How *****
How disgusting
How ugly can you get
I’d rot out of existence
Just to get out of this mess

I'm a social drinker
I drink whenever I'm around people
Or just prior to a social engagement and right on thru it
I put on a cheerful ruse knowing people will buy it
People are always looking to be sold something
So I sell it
I celebrate.
They celebrate.
We celebrate together.
For a moment in time all is well
Rather all seems well
Though
I'm sure they wouldn't like me if I were sober
More importantly you wouldn't like me if I were sober
I don't like me when I'm sober

Another patch of melancholy
This one much longer than the last

sometimes
the thoughts
they keep me up
wanting to share
curious about what i think

Where do the words come from?
Before they pop up in my mind

Where do the words go?
When it seems I've run out of sentences to scribble

the mind
moves faster than
the hand
that holds
the pen
that's trying to catch up

I vow to never break from writing
Though my writing may take breaks
For when heart shatters
Momentarily wrists do too
Stayed away
Left pages blank
Spent the time just missing you

Night is young
I am weak
These thoughts are not the first to speak
Drown them out
Slur their speech
Put them there
Just out of reach

I've been sleeping with the lights on
Dreams do not show until the early morning
And
Sometimes not at all.
Restless.
Yet the days go about without rest
Almost nonchalantly
As if i do not spend my nights
Hoping to catch the eye of a better tomorrow

stick around
to blah blah blah
lets chit about the chatter

i should be sleeping by now
                         yet i'm thinking of you
                                       and what order to put these letters in
                as if maybe i could line them up just so


                   and you’d remember why you loved me

not meant to be a riddle
though not all will understand
footsteps into fog
soul pointed one direction

Sola takes her lattes
So late
Solar panels
Fuel the drive
Solstice to solstice
So longs and goodbyes
Come easy on the road
And on the wheels roll

Eyes open and I’m numb again
Though shut and I can feel
Dreams they say are just pretend
Still I wonder which is real

lost my head
while searching for
my mind
so wrapped up in seeming well
insanity in vanity

often i can see the sadness
through the smiles and the jokes
laughter
just can't seem to drown
eyes that cry out

If eyes could ****
Like lips can lie
I think that I'd be hypnotized

i want to make
music
not only with strings and drums
but with
words
and
love

sugar i've been sweet to you
why the sour promises?
honey we don't speak at all
how the silence stings

mutiny has run amok
the pen now takes the reigns
striking paperback with fury
ink pours like blood spills out of vain
too many days to count
the poets bidding has been done
capitalize on opportunity
turned page has now begun

thought i'd be famous by now
     though i never was exceptional
          thought i'd be better by now
they ask i say i am

I stole my fathers smile
He would not give it up without a fight
I do not answer when he calls
I know he'd just ask me for it back

live today
no telling how much livings left

I do not want to die
But I feel that if I stay
My time will come
Sooner than expected
A life unlived
What a tragedy

wonder why i itch to write
when wanters only wander
doers dance a simple step
still i know that most are somber

if you only write
what others want to hear
you will never know your words

"i love you. i love you. i love you."
i kept repeating it
as though
if i could just get you to hear me once
maybe you could find the will to fight back

"i love you brother. please stay safe."
if nothing else please stay safe.
for me.
stay safe.
i love you.



but you could not hear me.

You used to make me nervous

      

         But lately my nerves have gone unseen
I don't wonder how you been
So
I
  Never
   Ask
And it's visa versa