i thought you were exactly the same person i used to love back in the days.
i probably confused the line between the nostalgia of loving you and cavity of missing you.
unsure and insecure i take pleasure in the middle of the two.
i neglect to cavil and regret on things which i might have done or otherwise.

so then i try to rescue the burning house.
endure the pain of a dying hot romance.
but things have slowly taking form.
while i believe that it does not hurt, for a moment in my life i asked the taste of death.
i felt torture within the crevices of my heart.

but we are prepared for this.
and we knew we would come to this.
the only thing that keeps you holding onto me is fear.
fear that one day when i stop loving you, i will finally realize how terrible person you are.
exact words you said to me.

be that as it may i still have a space for two.
one reserved for me and the other one for you.
instead of letting strangers rent, i am willing to let you in anytime you wanted to...

whenever i look the vastness sky,
in the cold and dark relentless night,
i keep myself thinking, holding tight,
to thoughts and moments that seem to fly.

i hardly wish to go back in time.
when everything seems careless but fine.
or maybe at least to slow it when,
we were together way back then.

sometimes i think why good things not last.
and everything that’s fine comes to past.
is it because that the earth don’t stop?
or is it the time that kills in snap?

whatever it is i'm sure it has,
reasons to tell only God can cast.
i even don’t want to make it hard,
or dwell myself to things that’re gone.

it’s just sometimes it feels so sad,
when moments we shared were said and done.


CSantaMaria

i was here before.
alone…  looking...  searching…
               until you came with the same reasons.


i was busy.
toxic…  weary…  ******…
              you gave me reason to spare my time.


i was never sensitive.
naïve...  clueless...  plain…
              until you care to share your world.


i began to find joy.
blissful...  active...  inspired…
                 you made it more blissful. more active. more inspired.


i got to know you.
shallow...  closer...  personal…
                 you hesitantly bare yourself.


i found your value.
care for you...  miss you...  need you…
                 you? i just don’t know.


i started to contemplate.
seek...  reflect…  realize…
             you were self-assured.


i fell in love.
slowly...  deeply…  strongly…
              you have no idea.


i decided to be vocal.
honest…  straight...  determined…
             you have doubted my emotion.


i told you i love you with pure intention…
          you said no, it was just infatuation…


CSantaMaria

should i ever get myself surprise,
loving someone sometimes pays a price.
it’s a deal i have to compromise,
yet still i’m willing to sacrifice.

but what is the use of loving you
if you cannot give the feelings too?
and keeping this way i know wont do
anything good but sadder and blue.

but i guess i'm still be thankful that,
i may not have been your lover but
i had the chance to love and beloved,
be your good friend afterall’s not bad.

sometimes i think will there ever be
a moment in time to make ‘us’, ‘we’?
but improbable that i must see,
it will never gon’be you and me.

to God i pray underneath the stars,
that even if i may have to start,
a chance to live without all the scars
i’ll still play my part in someone’s heart.

CSantaMaria

i regret the days that passed
the years that flown.
when inspirations come and cast
i let them blown.

i regret the days i did not write,
the things my eyes have seen.
tales and poems that could have been,
passed i let them all out my sight.

i regret the times i remember when,
i did not care to hold a pen.
to tell and write down what i can,
before my fantasies come to end.

i regret to forget, i really do,
a writer in me whose next to you
may not be so good but i always knew
i’m very much in love so dearly, too.

CSantaMaria