The effective effect that I'm trying to affect is a sense of wonderment and yet

I'm met with regret

Palliative to the mind if not the soul is a giant yawning **** that I fall into when I think
and when I don't
When I shan't go somewhere I can't think
so this quarantine is one of the soul

I find myself least effective when I am down
So here I am at the bottom
being all ineffective and ****

How to be less down and more up?
Disappoint people and do what I want
and I can't even do that now
no one left to disappoint
up's not even a direction that makes sense


I try and find a place in between where I am beyond all that is not here
so I can concentrate one what is
but I'm only ever here, not there
and what I need to be is nor

Fleetingly up, abundantly down,
sadness
terror
that's what people feel when we live, isolated, in a mound

Mishmak grak tak
fak shzak clack nak GRSHAK
rage **** Fak

shnk klnm fm ttmmmn
flnm shtum
jandmmm
frustration f'n

mrrrrow cow, SHOUT
now wow you dare, OW
how why please no
stop why now  go

I
want
peace
please

Stop with ease, I don't want angry
you
I want calm
you

There the same though aren't they?


pain.

Sight Vanishes
Things Vanish

Taste Vanishes
Foods Vanish

Hearing Vanishes
Sounds Vanish

Touch Vanishes
Things Vanish

I navigate from moment to moment in deprived of the world, guided only by none existent feelings of worthlessness. All the things to take joy from are gone, vanished in the nothingness.

Gone from my life, into the next, good for it I guess. I hope I have more fun there. Feel me world for I cannot feel you, gain fun from me for I can't from you

To live for others is all that's left
I have not vanished for them
Only my self
For me I'm left bereft

Bereft of things
Bereft of foods
Bereft of sounds
Bereft of Joy

I hope you all enjoy, for me they have vanished.

I'm burning down my house
One brick at a time
Burning it down to rubble
Hopefully I'll be done in time

I don't want to live here anymore
I want it to all be gone
I want to sit underneath it
Then me too I'll be gone

Far from anything under some hot coals
gone from the world under my burnt up life
it can't come soon enough not for me
in any kind of eventuality, I'll be free

I wish I didn't have to
I quite like everything here
But I'm not allowed to keep it
I can't be allowed to keep my fears

So Away my house
Away my soul
Gone on the wind my feelings
This world will not allow control