I used to say I’d be nothing like him
A mama’s girl, fierce and fearless
But there is fear.
I am afraid of what I feel
Of the anger that swells
Of my inability to stop the tide
Of the time my mother and I fought
And she whispered
you’re just like your father
I am afraid of evolution.
A slow process
That can change a harmless thing
Into something else entirely
I don’t want to be that something
But in my head a voice tells me
You can’t deny your roots
And by roots I mean a grave
That dug itself into the earth when I was born
And waits for me still
When will I become your sickness
An emotional  minefield where no one walks
A sadness that makes my feet drag
I refuse to become the person I fear
Because although evolution cannot be stopped
I am the mutation.
And I will not become the man who brought me here.

If I cannot sing then I won’t.
It is bad to ignore the rules.
I am good so I must follow the rules.

If I cannot sing then I will open my mouth only to breath.
After all, I must breath to live.
I am not doing anything wrong.
I am not a criminal.

If I cannot sing then I will speak.
Conversation with others
With myself
With the moon
Speaking does a person good.

If I cannot sing then I will hum.
This is not at all like singing.
I need not even open my mouth.
I just have this song replaying in my head
And I must hum
But I will not sing.
I love this song...

If I cannot sing then I will listen to others sing
After all, it’s their downfall
Not mine.
I’m just someone in the background
Listening.
mouthing the words

If I cannot sing.. why can’t I sing?
I want to sing
I feel it is right to sing
But I know I mustn’t.
But why?

If I cannot sing I will do so behind closed doors.
It’s not a crime if no one sees it.
I sing for hours.
After years of quiet
my voice is hoarse and timid.
But I still sing
And no one can know.

If I cannot sing
Who am I if not a slave
Who are they if not the masters
What is this if not tyranny
I will sing.
I am singing.
I am dead.

If I cannot sing
I will
                                     Now

                                      you
                                     must