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I'm thinking about making some 'to-do lists'
But you've already taken me.
I hope I can reclaim my once used productivity.

You mean everything to me,
Such as the whole universe with all its highlights
And none of its pain within a person,
It only could be you and you throw all of the negatives away.

When I need someone to catch me before I fall,
Hold my hand and assure me that I will never lose it all,
You're always here ready to save me
From my own self-destruction without ever calling me crazy.

Maybe you're the air I crave to breathe,
Invisible and somewhere that I can never be.
If I could have one wish come true for Christmas:
Then you would actually be my forever and all eternity,
In real life, not just a bittersweet dream.
How can I settle
When life feels like it's
Falling apart inside of me?

Whatever I make of myself
Will be only a whisper,
Explaining only pointless,
All of my purpose
Doubtful.
All this is just so stupid.
It changes and then you just keep going with it.
You keep stepping out of the door everyday,
Because why wouldn't you?
You get used to it
And you keep going.
You move past it.
Yeah, it might be there to haunt you
So what? You deal with it.
It gets to the point where it doesn't matter anymore;
That's just how it is;
Nothing can be changed.

Except that's how it's supposed to be,
That isn't what it's really like,
Not for me.
I get up everyday and continue,
Because why would there be an excuse?
I don't have a reason to be unable
- or at least that's what others must see too.
You don't get used to it.
The memories lurk here everyday,
And the walls you walk past are thick with what used to be and thin with what is.
You act like you're dealing with it
To yourself and everybody else,
But truthfully you fall to the floor more often than not,
Because there's flashing lights and sirens from when it all went wrong,
And reminders of how good it felt to seem perfect.

That's just how it is;
Nothing can be changed.
Yet still it continues to feel:
Exactly the same,
Maybe it's weaker from time to time,
Occasionally you'll be led to think it's not as bad as it was before,
But you will realise again,
That it's not planning on going away.
I stare at you
To my eyes you are foreign
You've changed so much
I have finally forgotten
Who you used to be

Years in the making
Yet days in the breaking
You've finally faded away

Time has come between us
Too many days you spent
Angrily humming out a tune of broken friendship
Too long you leant on a discord
Letting closeness lose its grip

My photographs are the only reminder
That you weren't always this way
This moment I see a stranger
A different person everyday
But in them I see my friend
It's in the memories she stays
Nostalgia. Nostalgia. Nostalgia.
I'll tell you what it is,
right when a thousand memories crash into me.
Immerse myself in water
and wonder why I'm here,
why I'm being stalked by the memories I hold dear.
Close to my heart,
something rips apart.
And when you feel the sorrowful pain
You'll know
It's nothing a work of art.
How can you keep fixing things
When they break
So easily?

How do you turn your back on
A friendship you tried
So hard for?

How can you stop viewing memories
You wish stayed a little longer
Before all of them burned to the ground
Only soot left now,
But you'd like there to be more?

How do you prepare yourself
Each and everyday
When really, living scares you
And wish everything would go away?

I take a breath
Tell myself to be quiet again
And then I walk outside.
Maybe one day you could come
And all this dimness, disaster and darkness could vanish.
I don't know what it is but only my mind can cure it,
Except imagination isn't real
And that's why I need you to turn up
And steal
All the things wrong with me;
All the feelings I'm not supposed to feel;
The ones I don't know I feel,
And replace them with ones I used to hope I'll one day feel.

Eventually, will you be here?
If I think hard enough,
Pray all night long,
Sacrifice myself to God,
Would you finally come to me?
Stand right in front of me and be you,
Just as I see right now?
I don't think I can live outside of you,
Please won't you live in my life too?
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