This is not kissing, this is
Painting memories on skins
Burning desires on your lips
It’s writing, it’s dancing, it’s fighting
It’s exciting and it’s frightening
It’s us in union
It’s love in unison
It’s not kissing, that’s missing
The point, It’s
More.

_M.

You’re waiting to understand
Where feelings come from, where they stand
In you and where the help
You would go after or pretend
To go if you needed
Is Before you let your feelings in
Like, really really let them in
You know what that means? Let them in
Feel it, express it, don’t make a film
About it in your mind to ****
The peace in you, the being still
That comes along with sth to feel
Feeling a feeling, you feel me?
Not looking for the recipe
Or receipt, blueprint, what may be
Any other justification
For who you are, instead you panic
And then you think like an addict
To self help, to words, to thinking
To anything but never being
Straight up open to feel life
And all the stress and all the strife
That cut you open like a knife
Even more vehemently
When you ignore them like a petty
Parent, you were never taught
To travel things that bring distraught
In you, you were told,
It’s bad to act out of control
It’s bad to have feelings unknown
To comfort and things such and so
You run, you row, you dig, you climb
Become a slave to your own mind,
And when you explode you give in to it
Anxiety starts to sneak and creep
And you’d like to feel and keep
Your self worth as well a bit
But only pride stays behind it
Masks itself as well, that’s ****
And know you felt, but facing it
You run, you crawl, want to jump ship
But you’re too stubborn for it
So then you sit, but dissociate a bit
And then a bit and then a bit
And then wow, when was this trick
In motion, I did not see it
And now i barely see myself
For why is now the values shelf
Weirdly scrambled and skiddadled
And for it to be unraveled
The only thing that I can try
That would help me out is: cry
And I’m tired, it’s exhausting,
Living in extremes and boasting
About how cool I think I am
That I got through, but I’m a man
I misscorrect I am a boy,
A boy who’s not learnt where and what
And how and why and how long that
Thing called feeling must I strive
To die by before I’m alive
And I stay alive for good
And I don’t lose my job
And I keep my girlfriend
And I say what I have to
With no fear things will end
And I understand what being a friend
Is like within and don’t try to mend
The term to benefit me, and I do not forget
After a year and get filled with regret
Or at least I learn my ******* lesson by spring
And don’t repeat the same story when life is advancing
And I don’t feel behind, and I actually care
What others do say, and I do not tear
Whatever they say in the pit of my mind
Where it’s dark and it’s cold and too rarely kind
And I am anchored as well, and I do not care
Of the judgement of others, and where I DO wear
Confidence humbly and I am at peace
With how I am trying and the crevices
That erupt from my heart are seen, celebrated
Not forced to the front to be shamed and tormented
Where fine lines are something I don’t struggle with
And I’m fine with not knowing pretty much - “all of it”
And the boy and the man and baby’s not scared
And they can be sad and not need to pretend

And they get their own state enough to express
Where they stand on things without making a mess
About it completely in the back of their mind,
Where they are able to be both strong and kind
And don’t answer the call to leave everything
That they built behind to unwind for a bit

Where they are conscious and know what they need
And know too the means of acquiring it
Where love for the self makes asking for it
Feel like a fluke, like a small nothing
Where play is more active in their creation
And they do not need the world’s validation
Yet know what they make is made to bring joy
To themselves and then use that to employ
Their powers of making to double the joy
Of others as well, they know that the soul
Is never that worried about the unknown
That’s the ego and pride and it brings only vanity
When all a boy wants is real curiosity
Not to say ego does not have a say
In the way this life works but it cannot lay
Stronger foundations for our way of being
Inside than the soul who’s an expert at leaving
The details of life to be clearer with time
Instead of controlling it all with a grime
Filled pocket of sad and controlling desires
Anger and shame and poisonous manners

How much of this feeling must I be killed by
Before I am able to look at the sky
And feel the content of a million lives
How much of this feeling before the belief
Of self worth comes forth even for a bit

Before I don’t despair I’ll lose everything
And learn to be me and learn how to feel.

_M.

I'll heal so that I don't bleed
On those I love like brother did
And so that I do not project
My wounds on those whom I connect
With.

I'll heal so I learn to let go
Of others in love, not control
So I don't repeat the cycle
That is torturing my mother.

And I will heal so I'll be able
To feel and be vulnerable
And so when love comes I don't falter
That is the burden of my father.

I’ll heal so that I can accept
The pain stuck inside my neck
The rage and fear and guilt and tears
That’s gathered there through many years

I’ll heal so that I learn to grief
And not get stuck in a “what if”
Or in dread impressing in
My weary body, bit by bit

I will heal to that my chest
Is not imprisoned to the past
And so that love for what is next
Can make my life a home to last.

I'll heal, not for someone else,
I'll heal for me, it’s for the best.
And for the future to be free,
I’ll heal it all - it ends with me.

_M.

You look to be happy to escape the sadness
And seek inner peace to run from the madness
You sprint towards pleasure so pain will not reach you
You wish to be free so you don’t follow through
With any commitments, you don’t think that freedom
Is simply a tool to build your own kingdom
But all craftsmen know that to build anything
You take wood from the woods and you alchemise it
You may not want this, but this is where truth lies
When you reject half of life, the other half dies.

You're not afraid of death
Cause you would have started living
If I'm honest instead, as far as I'm aware
You're scared of being scared
And that's a living death
Noble in nothing, tormenting in all,
Creating lamentations and wants of something more
But is that a way to actually
Become who you wanna be?
Or is it maybe just a way
For discomfort to be delayed?
How long still?
Instead what if,
And hear me out
You stopped trying to love without
Fear of life, and instead said
“I am afraid, but not ashamed”
And went and did it anyway,
Whatever you felt called to do
I do not know all about you
But to me it sounds like something
That could be more promising
That could bring some peace in life
As the tension that is born
From creation is not torn
But instead nurtured and grown
So it won't scream, but adorn
Your inner temple with petals, not glass
And then at a point, alas,
It's silent inside,
You don't need to hide
Anymore.
_M.

I’m almost a poet.
I almost make sense
Enough to impress
Others with my senseful nonsense

I’m almost a poet
And I almost understand
Others’s poems and other poets
In the end no use, I tried to no end
But I like to pretend.

I’m almost a poet,
My metaphors are almost immersive enough
And my edges and corners are almost not rough

I’m almost a poet
I’m almost there
But not quite
I’m almost a poet
Almost - a man.

_M

Suntem lut.
Material brut.
Cand am spus tot ce avem
De zis si vrem - noi alegem
Cine ne dorim sa fim
Și *** vrem să ne definim
Ce decizii și valori
Facem stâlpi in interior
Ce direcții să urmăm
Și după ce ne ghidăm
Căci e frumos să fi om viu
Și să simțim, dar e delir
Să urmezi fiecare gând
Sau sentiment - privește - sunt
Unul pentru orice șansă
Variantă-n viață și speranță
Și văd impresionant la ființă
Ca poate vira după conștiință
Căci poate-i mai rupt de natură
Dar forța ei îi e-n făptură
Când are privirea matură
Și merge după suflet liber
Încet sau rapid, mereu ager
Și prezent, trăind în moment
*** un pui de vulpe privește pădurea
Sau un artist bătrân își privește sculptura
*** un arcaș își vede ținta
Sau un înțelept oglinda

Suntem lut, material brut,
Oamenii fug, dar asta sunt,
Si puterea e la ei, depinzând ***
Vezi asta, trăiești acum
Sau te cauți pe alt drum
Oriunde-o iei, adevărul
E același mai tot timpul:
Când nu știi cine ai sa fii
Alege, și vei deveni.
Când te temi ca ești copleșit,
Acceptă, alege și dă-ti timp.

Iar atunci când mintea tinde
Să se uite ce-are-n spate,
Ești liber, du-te înainte
Vei deveni sigur toate

Ce ți le dorești să fii
Defapt, deja ești, doar nu știi
Deja.

_M.