I have sought love.

I have sought love in many places,
the wrong places I should say.

Mistreated
Misunderstood
Betrayed

A ****
A *****
Useless
Daddy issues
That is what I was called.

I have sought love and all I gave away was myself
I was selfless.
Did not have any expectations
Did not have any guaranty of how long it would last
All I wanted was to be loved and to be heard.

I have sought love and on my third fall
I felt hard that I had no other choice but to love myself.
I fell so hard, I was heard, I was understood, I was not judged.
I fell in love with myself and I was truly grateful because fulfillment came from within.
I fell in love and disappointments became life lessons.
I fell in love and achievements became lifetime celebrations.

I fell in love and saw no purpose in a man.

DEATH...
The thought of you scares me
Reminds me of how fast time is ticking
And how many close to me have encountered you on their journey.

You remind me not only to dream but to act fast on what I desire most.
The thought of you makes me value relationships
cherish the moments I have with my daughter
How I enjoy combing her hair and telling her what an intelligent and beautiful little being she is.
Yes, because of you I have to raise an independent woman
because, I too shall meet you one day
hope it won't be soon enough.

Death
I have learned to make the best out of every moment even if its on my worst days
Even if it were to be my last day.
I wake up every morning just to check if my alarm will still go on
If it does, I know I'm not yet on heavens gates.

I wake up early to make morning calls
reply to last nights texts
Just so they know you and I have not yet met.

Because of you I asure my mother how much I love her and how grateful I am to be the woman I am today.
I worry less about what is thought of me
And work more on their last thoughts of me
Obviously I want to be remembered as the bubbly, cheerful and beautiful human I was destined to be.
I not only forgive easily but knowing that you'll take me by surprise
I avoid grudges OR unresolved fights coz I do not want to leave anyone with a broken heart.
I now know somethings are meant to be and some are not coz My forever lies with you.

Whether you take me on my crippled days in bed
whether you take me on a sunny blissful day
No!!! Don't get it twisted
I do not FEAR you
I just fear leaving them without words
And the memories of my smile...

Death,
The thought of you makes me appreciate those morning smells of coffee
Don't really mind how green the grass is or how blue the sky may be
I just appreciate them more coz soon I know
IT WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME.

Paint me with the slight scars
that appear with insights of
incidents that took place
with nature's intention to groom my strength.

The beauty spot
on my lip is not an
Edit but a feature of difference amongst
millions that exist.

If possible, make my
dimple stand out 'cause
It's my symbol of my joy.

With your painting of me
I'll carve stars that'll shoot
to endless nights of happiness.

Paint an image of me that represents
Our love.

So I asked " what will I be to you when I'm gone?
Will I be the dead one?
Will I be the cut on your heart?
What will I be to you?"
Not intended to leave with unfinished tasks
But I intended to fall in love with you
Will I still be your lover?

If my lips would reach for yours
Would you meet me half way?
My breath so fresh  and warm
But after it all would you accept me?
The scars on my face
The beauty spot on my bottom lip
The crooked smile I have.
Love to be unwritten and carved into man made stars.
Would you still love me?