Wish I can say I'm okay. That I'm not drowning in my tears. Wish I have a shoulder to cry on, someone   To say it's gonna be alright. Wish I have someone to talk to, to at least listen to me. Wish I'm not all alone, but they all disappeared on me. Wish I could bring myself to talk to those who wanna listen, but I'm too scared Cos its probably gonna be another dead road. Wish promises are kept .......but everyone has got a wish.

I thought it was a crush but now my   Heart is crushed.  
In my silence I've been silenced,
for I am lonely for you only.
The presence of your absence crushes my every senses
but not as much as the thought of your heart being with another.
our love is lost even before it began, guess it's my fate to love you from a distance.
But I never will hate for your happiness awaits.
I wish you blissfulness Tho you leave me emptiness.

You were to take the pain away.
We were not supposed to be a thing. Just a fling to nurse the pain.
For my past has been my foe, he bound me with an iron chain. Oh, how can I restrain.
Heart so pure as snow, and eyes glitters like gold but your love for me can never be returned. For my heart is with another, shackled and bleeds.

Could someone show me
Where the Rose Garden lies?
The one that holds such beauty
Never before met by the eye
Many flowers that are being sold
Whether they came from the garden
Is Unknown
Approached by someone
With a stem in hand
Took me a minute to understand
“This Rose is yours”
They said
“And your body I’ll take”
Only to find out
What was offered was a fake
Made to look real
With an agenda
To steal

From me

Crossed paths with another
One who promised the title of a lover
But their rose came with thorns
And now there’s blood on the floor

Could someone show me
Where the Rose Garden lies?
It feels as though I’ve been searching
For a long time

"Be naked for me."
It is a demand not born from desire.
She stands exposed.
Vulnerable.
She is wrapped in self loathing as his greedy eyes graze her bare skin.

He believes her to be conquered.
His conquest.  Subdued, Submissive.
His for the taking...
No need for the asking.

He fails to see she remains clothed.
Dressed in her armor, an invisible breastplate protects her heart.


Only  the boy with ***** fingernails and a kind heart can pick the lock that leaves her open, waiting, wanting to be truly exposed.

Every morning I get on the "crazy bus".
Its destination?   Nowhere.

Yet, I continue to get on board.

My body and my spirit bruised from the bumps on the road it travels.
It takes the most treacherous route.
A journey I can not navigate.

The bus is large. It carries many passengers. Some I recognize and know well but others are strangers to me.

This bus doesn't run on gasoline or diesel-it is fueled by alcohol. The bus almost always has a full tank.

Some days I vow to just let the bus pass me by....
But, I see you hanging from it's window, beckoning me, calling to me, hollering for me not to let you ride the bus alone.

"Don't you love me enough to take the ride with me?"

You're afraid, You're lonely, You're sorry so I climb aboard and it's packed. It's standing room only so I'm left to hang on by a mere strap.

A strap that once was very strong and thick but now has become frayed and quite thin. When I have the courage to examine it closely I can see it's about to give and break. The seams have all but come apart. I know with certainty it will not be able to take too much more pressure until it pulls away completely.

I am hanging on for dear life.


Looking around I recognize some of the passengers.
Your mom is there.
Your dad is there.
Linda, Donna, Elizabeth, Kirk, Tom, Andrea, Emerito are all there but its the ones I don't know that I fear the most.

I have no idea who they are or how they got on the bus but I am frightened by them.
They pack the front aisles so tight that it makes getting off the bus **** near impossible.
They may scare me but you know them all too well.  
They are dark thoughts, insecurities, past hurts and jealousies. They are your companions and just like me they ride the bus with you.

Lately, I have been examining myself, reflecting on my bruises and my scars. Black & Blue.
My mind is BLACK from trying desperately to block out the hurtful things you say and do. My heart is BLUE from trying so hard to love you through your pain.

I'm getting off the bus.
There is an emergency exit at the back that I've chosen to ignore.  I'm going to try with all my strength to push through and land on solid ground.

I don't know what stop is yours....I can only hope that you get off safely before the bus crashes.