Ayesha

Ayesha Oct 2020

Hear hear! There's a buzzing!
No? There is!
Hear now! It's loud enough.
Do you do? You? No one?
Well, I do!
A strange magical battle—
Look! There's a hornet's nest!
No! Not the sun. The nest!
Do you see the queen?
Right here near my hand. Look!
Can't you see? No?
The noise? But it's all around now.
Look over that tree!
The tree! That old, dead tree, right there—
There, the golden sun hangs, reeking with honey.

Look! The sun is puking glitter!
Hear hear! The buzzing's piercing my skin.
Hear! All is wincing.
Oh, take them away! Oh do run!
Run from the hornets, what else!
No, they're right here!
Look! One bit me.
Another one. Here! Right here they are!
Run! They're here, I swear!
I am bubbling up, can't you see? All is bleeding.
Leave me. Just go! Believe me—
Oh do hear!
The buzzing, the needles, the stones!
The shrieking, the crumbling, my bones!
No, I haven't gone mad!
The stones! The stones. The buzzing—
—tell me I haven't gone mad.

Anxiety again.

#buzzing #anxiety

Ayesha Oct 2020

Sunflower

So many check out the young, blushing days
Nobody saw this sunflower set
nobody yet all—

and how swift must the ends be
One jolly night and the moon passed out
an impure crescent—gnawed away

the sunflower stumbled and fell
bees swaying by the carcuss; wordlessly buzzed
an obsolete king robbed of jewels
—by his very own lovers

Nobody saw the petals leave
nobody yet all—
Abandoned for the crown could hold no more
pushed away by the wind, sold to dirt,
decolonized

—you'd pick them up; bring home
stir in a bubbling stew
—I'll take a shot, and you will

How lovely do words feel—how gruesome
running down my throat; sneak up my lungs
an old door creaks open—right inside this heart

and nobody saw the sunflower set
Fell and he bled then cried—
and the buzzing lingered but a blink

a few heard the sunflower set
heard but little—
heard still.

You'll look for more petals and I will.
—silently sliding them into strangers' bags.

A friend told me about a little child she saw fall off his bicycle on the road, and how he cried and how it broke her heart.

#sunflower

Ayesha Oct 2020

Cracks!

Cracks! Cracks in the ground
cried an old maiden in the town
and everything went wild—
a wind blew inside, an eerie kind
and cracks slithered around
as angst bloomed in the crowd
Houses; pubs and shops screamed
the barren land with blood gleamed
and the grasslands split into two
—as all winged hid behind the blue

Kids! Kids in the ground!
came a wilting, wingless sound
and shrieks danced in the abyss
—till dark ****** in a silent hiss
and more fell and all ran
till all fell and none ran—
The earth closed her crusty lips
chewing them all to little bits
but there stood in all the blur
—a nightly curse that you were

and the old maiden sat scared
wondering why she’d been spared
the four moons, for a blink, kissed
—no leaves moved, no winds hissed
nothing shuddered until— did— all
You swayed away as the sky begin to fall

Cracks! Cracks all around!

In this short Life
That only lasts an hour
How much—how little—is
Within our power

--Emily dickinson

#thee

Ayesha Oct 2020

Bars inside me

I am a caged bird
there's a whole world inside me
that I cannot see.

takes a lot to break free.

#haiku

Ayesha Oct 2020

A metal plate

a metal plate inside me, ever since—

It wants an escape and so do I
— trapped, we're both trapped.
They told me it wouldn’t come out without melting
So I collected some sticks, set fire to my lungs
—the smoke came out of my lips
in shrill screams— I’m a forest

And my blood, a scared squirrel;
runs up and down my depths
with a blazed tail. burns what it licks
—the bottom of my muddy grounds
trees trunks, branches, leaves and nails.
the bridge between my brain and I

and everything shuts down—all lights go off
in the dark, only fire remains
no one dances where she does, no one lives where—

and I turn the metal sheet over
and over the flames
It heats up, it cooks and turns red
its edges kiss my flesh and he winces
— melts—
dripping into the fire—
gone—
and I turn the metal sheet over and over
It blushes but never bleeds
dry like dead leaves, but never dies
doesn’t melt, nor soften,
doesn’t even breathe—

and the flesh keeps dripping and then rebuilds
and the dripping rebuilds the fire
and the fire rebuilds the smoke—
but the metal never melts

the smoke creeps out and I let it
Someone tells me to stop the noise
but I say I never said a word—
And they tell me to stop the noise
But I say I never said a world—

and the smoke comes out and I let it
and they tell me to stop the noise
but I don’t say I never said a word.

and the metal never melts, the fire never stops
and I never say a wo—

Someone clamps my mouth shut and I fall asleep,
turning the metal over the flames
turning—still turning.
Still turning.

Turn
       ing.
and all in me screams.
                             Turning over
             and over
and
over.
      and

—ov
        er.

and all in me screams.

all. in. me. screams.

#metal #plate #screams

Ayesha Oct 2020

O, you busy, bustling world

were I a story
O, you busy, bustling world
would you then hear me?

were I a feeling
you had when moon slowly whirled
would you let me sing?

were I a loud poem
screaming in seas, gone unheard
would you bring me home?

Were I soft and sweet
like honey, I smiled and swirled
would you come to meet?

were I a quiet cry
silenced, stollen of every word
would you then stop by?

Were I a bright ray
O, you busy, bustling world
would you let me stay?

A song.

#haiku

Ayesha Oct 2020

Something euphoric

I will turn this anger into something euphoric
set my bones on fire, they sizzle and they crack
they cough out smoke, she flutters in my chest
I'd curse but all my words are melting, they melt in my skull,
drip down my back, tickling my insides,
I can't reach them.

I'd scream but a shadow has risen around my being,
he creeps, slowly, closer; all of my colours blending together
and he kisses my lips and buries in his fangs,
he reaches in his tongue and pulls out my veins;
threads them through his teeth and sews together my lips.

I'd bang this fist into the wall but there is no wall
there's just fire; she chewed away my back and sneaked quietly out
she swirled around my being, licking all of me,
all of me,
all of me
and I gave myself to her.

Nothing of me can spare this fire;
nothing wishes to.
I melt at her touch, dissolve in her warmth,
slices though my eyes, ******* out all their juice
I'd scream—
oh the screams I'd scream
—once I am out this sea.
But I sink
and I sink. I sink.
I sink.
I sink till I am no more.

I will make something euphonic out of this anger.
spread out my vacant limbs, pushing through the dark
pushing though the ruby fire; kick away the shadow,
pull out the stitches, spit the smoke right on his face
and I would scream and
curse and punch
and burn but not today
I run and I run. I run. I run.
I run till all that is burning is left behind.

Tear out a paper and I pick up a pen;
hide in the bushes and stare out the night.
scream and I curse and I break and no one hears a sound.
no one hears a sound. no one hears a sound.
no one hears me.
no one hears me. no one hears me. no one hears me.

But I made something euphoric out of this anger.

-- and the moon will always be the witness.

kind of a childish poem but thought I'd post anyway.

#anger