Aspen Tree, your leaves glance white into the dark.
My mother's hair was never white.

Dandelion, so green is the Ukraine.
My yellow-haired mother did not come home.

Rain cloud, above the well do you hover?
My quiet mother weeps for everyone.

Round star, you wind the golden loop.
My mother's heart was ripped by lead.

Oaken door, who lifted you off your hinges?
My gentle mother cannot return.

The monsters that were in my closet as a child now wear masks and tell me they love me
That tree was cut down and our carved initials in the heart was shredded into a million pieces then buried in the ground with you.
The package never said how long the bulb would last though it did say fragile
Fragile like the wings on a butterfly
Fragile like my heart
When all words start to sound the same and that switch in the kitchen was left unknown,  i laugh at rain and cry when it’s sunny

The shattered pieces of stained glass reflected in her eyes, unleashed the secrets of all the pages burned to preserve a stoic heart
After she painted me grey, I wanted to set fire to all the stages for tricking the audiences into believing the paper cutouts were love
A world full of cardboard wings and failed flights has little hopes of landing in the recycle-bin
It's useless to continue attempting to use an eraser to remove the permanent ink that replaced your shadow
That doesn’t mean I don’t blame you for trying 🖤

Being heartbroken in vegas is like crying during a parade
Celebrations stumbling over my abused vital *****
All smiling and intoxicated
Having the times of there life's
While I slowly die inside
The house wins tonight and a ghost of a world I created whispers in my ear, "you have no home"
Even though I left you, apart of me was left
Those walls and our future now haunt my dreams and loneliness
sneaks up on me at night just to remind me of all the visions I’ve had to surrender, roads I’ve got lost on, and storylines  of us I’ve had to ****

The rain has become a constant
inside of me
Ever since the day I chose to walk away
I keep asking myself what will happen when i'm internally full of water
When their is no more room for these tears
I look for memories of when we were happy and all I get are images of him having *** with you
Sleeping in our bed
Sleeping in our house
and the sun sets on my feelings like the truth did on the night I returned home
Home
that word no longer holds any safety
It's been tainted by a life I am working to bury 6 feet under
It is tainted by a dream I saw 60 years ahead with us being old, happy, with a family
I want to set this city on fire and sleep in its ashes
For those ashes are the only warmth I'd be capable of feeling
Tattoos don't seem so permanent when your stuck in pain
Mer flesh compared to these spikes tumbling inside
I need you to poke a hole in me to drain it all before I'm topped off
Better yet, cut me open and remove these spikes and my heart for I can never be in this much pain again
City of Sin has turned into a city of heartbreak
One thing remains though
The house always wins

I keep mashing and reshaping the clay knowing there is only one shape you would call perfect
I love when you say things are perfect
They must of gave way to cordless phones knowing in this exact moment, I’d wring the cord around my neck as tight as possible just to erase this dial tone singing your name
In my imagination we were close as kids
We had some matching scars from different adventures, and I beat the hell out of any boy who ever caused you any pain
In my imagination, you never left me and the pier in PB has our initials carved into it on the farthest to the right pillar where i proposed
How could of anyone known the  shooken bottle was never going to make it to our lips and the line for the anchor would snap
I’m convinced everyone you’ve come across carries a piece of your hair in there pocket colored with different truths
I’m convinced some of my greatest pieces got mistaken for trash and tossed into the incinerator.. maybe they were trash
Can one feel colorblind?
Can deafness knock on doors and inform someone there ears aren’t the problem?
I tossed the book so hard, it came back around and split open my head

I desire to show your eyes the beautifully dangerous colors that drain and paint from your heart
I want nothing more then to sketch your mind in a note book and have a million copies printed for the world to see and time to hold
Spell me out of your dictionary and define me through your lips
My waterfall starts from your rivers
My sun crafted by your touch
You’re the only one who makes metal so soft  
and fire so tamed
My silences drowned out by the way you radiate a song that tells stories of comfort and whispers reminders of star’s importance still chained to time
Please grant me an everlasting dance with your pain
I long to study every line that spells out your fears

Your paints bled together and now all you have is gray
Toss on a little salt and everything will be ok
In the wake of the morning I battle to keep you off my mind
At the crack of midnight it's your face that I fight
The space filled by time has locked a door forever
Chasing a thought of closure
A hopeless endeavor
They say as months pass the pain will go away
Fake a laugh and dance monkey on that stage
Hey facts you got me lost again
Never felt so alone surrounded by friends

She took the role of a killer
A bride
A best friend
A cheater
A liar
And everything in between
A painting hangs on some foreign wall of you welding a dagger in your wedding dress while I’m staring off into the endless sea
The advice is repetitious
Though no words can solve the puzzle of pain
you bestowed upon my life
My life’s
The our has died along with my visions of the family and journey I believed would come true
and tonight I dine on the pieces of a mans heart that are no longer capable of loving.

In the shadows, she dances, like the flame of a candle caught in a draft.
To be falling.
Oh hear me now inevitable earth, for now is possibly all we have left.
In depths of the silence that waits, I pray your face I will recognize.
To get lost in space, with you, witnessing the incomprehensible vast creations and obliterations of all, I hold close to my human heart.

A scar-less life is a wasted life.
In return, while climbing this eternal sunrise I jump, and fall, and bleed, then one-day die.
Worn out and ready to go, I shall one day follow you, reaper, with hopes of being full again.

I stopped telling you your name and hid from the clock
Tick tock
The minute hand is never surprised
But I am
And truthfully, theres no hiding from it
I can see 3 different ones as i write this
As this writes me
I’m shooken
That’s all
Balancing on what’s left of my shrinking hope
Holding my breath as she tightens the rope
That once so lonely wind now holds me close
As I walk past our house a soulless ghost

I want you to know that this transition is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I keep fighting with the visions I had when we tied the knot but that's all it is, a vision. What I need out of a partner and what you need, we both fell short. Maybe that's why we always used drugs. I just want us both to live long, healthy, and meaningful lives. I believe that is no longer with one another. It doesn't matter about the love inside me for you. The bigger picture displays something more. Something that doesn't involve us being high to cope with our foundations. If I didn't feel life wants us to be apart, I would never push forward. But the way the majority of the lies just surface without any action and the way you were able to go forward with them, paints the answer to the hardest question I've ever dealt with. That we are no longer meant to be. I will always love u amber and care about your well being. I'm just no longer going to be the one who puts you down and you are no longer going to be the one who lets me down. Finish this next week strong. Being sober in a controlled environment is not nearly as difficult as being sober in the free world. Don't forget that. Take everything thing you can from that place and engrave it into your heart and brain. Realize the biggest enemy here was the drugs that robbed us both of more then we will ever know. Beyond cherishing a sober mind, it's all about hating the thing that took the most from you. Let me know if you need anything.

My fire burns a few thousand miles apart
I've been longing to express what's in my chest in person for far to long
Today I wear a coat of depression
Preparing for another lonely moon
Stripes are bleeding off the flag and the beginning stars are fading fast
My love, I long to replace your fake fireplace  
and the books on your shelf with my warmth and our stories
The sky keeps changing colors though I am remaining put
How much longer until I feel better?
The truest prison is surely in ones own mind
This cell echoes my mistakes and all the people I have let down
I stopped counting days once my walls were filled and time forgot how to use its hands
The fuse on my distractions burnt out not trailed by an explosion
and the tires on this man have become flat
If I could write a song that could relocate our homes, I'd play it until my fingers were bleeding and all the strings had snapped
Just maybe that same song could help stitch my halves back full and remove me from this fear of trusting anyone
My heart has beat more times then miles between us since I last saw your face.
If I would of taken a step for every beat, I would be back at your side tongiht
Running on heart-beats per mile is how I travel these days
I'm working on accepting so many corners right now that the only way I can sleep is in circles
That's what happens when you drastically change so many things at once
You find yourself frozen in the last place anyone would ever check
You find yourself searching through the remotes desert for all the puzzle pieces you let slip for the happiness of another
The winds are high tonight though I'm hiding under a rock
As Fall closes in, my sunshine seems further and further away

Home is not where the heart is. Home is when I'm kissing your lips. Home is having you lay on top of me on any couch, floor, or bed. Home is going to sleep after receiving a text saying I love you. Home is held in the moments where you push me to shed my scarred tissue and replace it with pages of your favorite books. Home is the parts of a song that connects to your soul that you send my way. Home is not where the heart is. Home is where to hearts connect

2 pulses free to dance on the softest side of my heart

Around this time of night some anxious depths hovers over my heart
sprinkled with a hint of resentment
All I asked of you along with your hand
was to not work late shifts
I hide behind traditional value to shy away from the truth
That the pain and worry rise after the sun sets and
my commitment to this marriage leaves me vulnerable in the solitude
always kept by being an honest man
I no longer desire to fill these discomforts with party nights and forgotten names, though I'm searching for someway to displace this carving void
Does this make me broken?
A vulnerable man searching for peace when all is dark and his wife is tending a bar
Serving other broken men who fill there void with liquor and just so happen to be in the comfort of the only woman who can fill mine
The irony just completed its first lap and the lead driver is going in reverse, expecting to crash.

My Dear,
I love you
As sure as the sun can't be chased forever
I fall into your light
hoping the ground never destroys this feeling
In a distant desert, in some foreign land,
my heart waits, beating your name
In a world full of chaos, you are all that is still
You are all that remains real
You,
are my favorite pill
They say every high has a comedown
If that's the case, I will chain myself to the tallest building
I will live on planes
I will never accept these two feet being planted on solid ground ever again except to be with you
I once watched as you took a torch to tree they said was a million years old
Who new after the last ambers burned out, two souls were resting in the ashes
holding on by a thread
There is somewhere I want to show you
Somewhere I have never let anyone else see
If not in this life, then the next
Or the next
For I am sure, you will be with me
Time has become my biggest enemy
I'm using calendars as bullet practice and seeing your candles in my head drip off like these weeks
Worlds apart my dear
Without you, my world is incomplete

This staircase is endless and taunting
A rollercoaster with no straps
The lights in the building are all turned off except for the top floor
How long have you been sitting there?
All the billboards in this town are for injury lawyers
Yet no one will take my case
Is the traffic worth the tragedy?
The forecast keeps promising ran yet it never comes
I've been raining for weeks though
My streets are all flooded and the reflections in the puddle have been splashing to much for me to see who I really am
My thousand mile stare ends at a broken jukebox who's last song was one I never want to hear again
So much movement in this city that I swear that the perpetuating force is what drives my anxiety
Please just shut off the ******* lights and go to sleep
Go home!
How much longer must the house always win before you gamble your own home?
The parking garage is packed and your car has been at the same location for over a year now
It's a shame that no one wants to inform you that drinking gasoline will not make you feel full
It'll just speed up your heart until the flashing lights fade to black
and her eyes will no longer be your biggest concern

You,
are the only
one capable
of making
grey
so beautiful
Do you remember
when
we stumbled down
those rocks
carved from tears
just so you could
tie our shadows
together?
How hard it was
to steal back our
hands from all the broken
clocks after the cat
let go of there tongues?
I do
I’ve ran from
whispered lust
since that night
I’ve written sonnet
after sonnet
to keep you
afloat
though
this heart
will bleed
eternally
unless
the sun dies
of a spotless
mind

The songs of our time together are deafening
A month and a half after our divorce we now sleep next to different pulses
Why does the good echo stronger then the bad after it’s all said and done?
Why do your mistakes dwindle even though my decision to leave was more then justified
I’ve been walking a on tight rope for weeks and the void won’t leave me be
I hate the man you are attached too now
I hate the things you were able to do to me
Most of all, I hate the phrase until death do us part
I have to remind myself that you wouldn’t be with him if it was true that nothing happened those two nights he stayed over while I was away
There’s a calling in my bones to get on a motorcycle and ride until I forget your name
Ride like the devil is chasing me
Ride like and eraser will catch me if i stop
The sun is rising over our city and I remain in the dark
That’s all

You kept pouring love in my bucket with holes
I’m sorry that all the Women who used me as target practice have rendered me useless
As a child I use to carve our initials into trees hoping one day you’d stumble upon one of them and think of the boy who couldn’t forget your name
Now all I hope is you don’t forget mine
Regardless of all the broken strings, all I ever wanted was to play your favorite love songs and fall asleep surrounded by your poems
In my dreams, I paint your sonnets yet am always chased away by a silhouette of the nights I let you go
It wasn’t until we cut my heart in half did it become apparent that you actually let me go well before
Never considered a desired type until I fell in love with you
Though the word type seems irrelevant because we both know you’re one of kind
Thank you for sticking me back together and stringing my better parts so they give off the illusion to others that i’m alright even though we both know it’s a coordinated magic trick with a broken man pulling the stings behind the scenes
Not feeling your heart beat removed a crucial railroad tie that caused my train to crash
No expert could of predicted the outcome
A million pieces disappeared and it remains the last bright shining morning of my life
Maybe it’s all because my favorite poet hasn’t released a book
Or possibly because I was blind folded when you showed me the path to your heart
Either way, thank you for showing me how to steer without a wheel
Thank you for proving to me that the most beautiful colors are not colors at all

I fought for you in every way I know how
An explosion followed by poetry and art
It didn’t change anything
Today I can’t breathe
A missed flight is flying across my chest and crashing into my heart
A bridge that’s lasted throughout all time crumbles under the weight of an imaginary but planned first kiss
A unknown handicap man checks in alone to hotel room meant for us
Two strangers
Two lovers
Two identities who tried to rewrite the way the sky dies every night knowing,,, absolutely nothing

Cupid is dead in my closet and I’m begging the world to forget about Christmas this year
I am a tree that wasn’t picked for a home,,,
But at least she replanted me before saying goodbye and going back to him

I see you dancing in our future as our bodies grow old
I, have married my soulmate
Time has changed
My heart has evolved to beat next to yours, assuring it on every pulse that I will never leave your side
The struggles we faced have become one and with every step I take I fight to make your half feel lighter

Time melts like the ice in my jack
Heart on a string abused as target practice
Your words cut deep as the space I buried my love
Knowing the only way someone can find it is by connecting the dots
I LEFT
In your eyes
How does the world still spin with this weight I carry in my soul
Unplugged cords and forgotten poems
Please dance on my sonnet and poke holes in my logic
I'm dying alone
in the cracks from all the nights your hands missed mine
and the song still plays long after we're gone
Who knew of the woman who found gravity as her friend
Leaping head first off my failed dreams
Tears of streams and heartless cheats
Drowning on a pen while covering these eyes in bleach
No sound
No light
No love tonight
Just silence

Her echo grows further
I am losing her
Or maybe
She's already gone
Maybe she has never woken up in the morning praying I'd leave her mind
Or maybe she has
Sick of running from pain
Tired of hoping you'd call
Why when I had you I didn't want you
And without you, everything feels numb?

The perfect place to drink and cry is a piano karaoke bar. Everyone is focused on the singer and will leave you be

I found myself buried in the ashes of the thousands of love poems I was forced to use as kindle to keep the fire going in order to carry on.
Love letters filled with ink drained from scar tissue I’ll never let y’all see again
There is no brightest star in my orbit,
Just to many women that kept a piece of my heart and pulled the trigger, sending me back into the rabbit hole of memories that paint the story of my addiction.
I wake up to songs that promise love but always end in lies
End with memories lined with nails being hammered into my chest
You want to know why I’ve chased these chemicals so many times?
The truth is, I’m hoping the right mixture will erase you, or if not, me
When you love like I do, after it’s over the ghost never leave and they hold a remote capable of triggering the worst of feelings in every waking moment
They hold up pictures and storylines as reminders of paths you were so ******* certain spelled out love, but yours wasn’t forever.
They whisper sorrows that attach to the back of your hands so there’s no escaping the weights of all the times you were so wrong
It doesn’t matter how fast you run, what drugs you take, or how tightly you shut your eyes
All that was, is now forever apart of you!
My friends laugh at the tattoos for yall I’ll forever carry on my skin not knowing that the I do, cherry springs, and the giving tree are held so much deeper then the scull moon, heart on the tree stump, and name on my chest.
Not knowing that covering them in clothing is so much easier then trying to pry them from my heart and mind.
That’s the difference between me and you
My love is not a candle that will burn out one day
It is the sun
When it’s gone, so will I be
When it turns off, all my love as a whole will die
But until then
I love you all no matter what

Straight out of a book, her life crafts pages
The lover who waits until the leaves fall off the trees
and all the people go home, leaving the streets as empty
as the box buried under her porch with all the places
she's never been
Why does the sky spell your name once the candle's burnt out
and lust becomes a taunting game?
The shallow part of the soul has a hole in it
and every time I try to mend it, it gets bigger
Bigger like the stories of love that fill her head
A romance that dances with the stars but will leave you
as fast as the wind will blow that plastic bag into the sky
When you touch fire, the burn never disappears
She will though
Off to the next novel with different storylines but similar endings
Off to the next heart she can dive into and tell a story about the girl
who was looking for something deeper
Something that's worth keeping you awake at night
Something, at one point, I thought we had
My chapter was different though, I believe
My burn never healed
and the years dripped away until our worlds were striped of paint
and all of life was brushed up and tossed into that box under her porch, with just enough space to add something more
I hear a whisper in the wind telling me the depths of life is
consumed by a portrait that doesn't exist yet
and time is only relevant to those who aren't searching deeper
I hear you
and feel your heart
pounding under the silence left in me from the night I realized you
weren't coming home
and my love was kept in a glass heart that she now uses to keep her books straight
Though every once in awhile, you hold it and think of the boy
who's heart was just enough to last until the end
To last until you closed the book and start writing again

Everything will eventually fall apart
You must keep running
Steering towards your masterpiece
The pain must shape you as a vessel that can withstand all the tragedies
Your captains wheel must point in the direction you will one day crash
you must keep running
For all life's tragedies are waiting to shred you apart
To try and misdirect you so that your vision seems impossible
Pain must only be used as another tool embedded in these bodies
For the one thing you are guaranteed is pain
How you handle it is completely your responsibility.
Paint your pain or let it **** you

I will accept you as you are, for rust on the nails never tried to hide
It was only I who placed pieces over my eyes to make a portrait that never existed
I who dismembered the screams and attempted to make them sound like the rain
loneliness has embedded me tonight in a form so alienating
A sadness has dawned on me like a final goodbye as you pull the cord
I am a mountain
Though even this mountain at times the wind is cold
I can feel it wrap around my existence
Whispering in my ear "you are alone"
No matter how rich love is in your life
You are alone
I see now that everything is an illusion
That the observer is not my mind
That I have created my own hell

Hello poetry really should implement an App?!?

I hold the mornings like a lover that is shaking from the cold
Thank you sun for always being my rock

It started with a single voice
Telling him to jump off the roof
Now, his head is full of voices
and as far as I know, they are all cruel

It started with a single voice
Now, one of them has replicated me
Convincing him that I have wronged him
Giving no power to my actual voice

It started with a single voice
Now, he believes everyone attempts to **** him
That the world is conspiring against him
That his thoughts have the power to take lives

It started with a single voice
Now, he sleeps in a locked monitored room
Drugged up with anti psychotics
Angry and confused

I've lost my shadow under a bridge where I lay rest to all the times I've been wronged
It stops by every once in a while and asks me to play it a sad tune on my guitar
******* shadow
******* and all the places I've walked alone
I think the sun and moon are conspiring against me
in order to overthrow my pulse and lend it to someone that's worth a ****
Someone who follows there mind instead of there heart
Someone like you
I watch my ghost jump off high buildings far to often
Antagonizing me to hold its hand
Screaming on the way down all the names of the women who have shattered my world
My existence has become a record on repeat, playing a depressing song about never trusting another to hold your heart for to long
The vinyl has a single scratch that when it meets the needle my shadow and ghost appear crying and begging me to follow them into some dark forgotten place
Somewhere that robs you of your name and hurts anyone who ever loved you
Though silence is not what I'm seeking
My search is not one to numb what's left of me
It's one of bleeding on pages to strangers about a boy who lost his shadow and ignored his ghost just long enough to ride in this vessel until the wheels fall off
Just long enough to spill ink on a book and call it art
Just long enough to remind myself that the hands that created all this beauty and love, are the same ones who created all this pain and destruction.

Perishable love only becomes relevant once the sun sets on the town you lived in while sleeping apart
Pain seem eternal while stuck in the trenches
Anger feels better then sadness
Though the two seem to dance together on top of my heart these days
You once asked me why I have so many cigarette burns down my arm
Look in the mirror darling and think back on what you did to me
There's your answer
Marks to never forget
I buried a box in a field that they want to turn into a graveyard
In it was the memories of all the nights you let me down
Why accept a ring if you planned on tossing me off a cliff?
Why say I do, if you really meant I don't?
The hotel room I reside in now has a widow facing north
that overlooks the part of the city where we started our foundation and it makes me sick
I hope that everywhere you and him look in my house, you see my ghost
You see the presence of a man that gave you his world only to have your lies eat the stone he was standing on until it cracked and he was washed down the river away from you forever
The last few conversations we've had have been about money
It turns my stomach to degrade love to paper but if that is what it takes to never see or hear from you again, take everything I have
You've become a spitting image of my fathers favorite joke
"Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it."
The hand that dealt my cards is laughing at me for trying to play wilds when it was just a regular game
If time could speak, it'd tell me that I should be embarrassed for wasting so much of it on you
Today, when I went down to the lobby they were playing the same song you walked down the aisle too, and I rushed outside to have a cigarette and avoid the feelings that were bound to follow
They vanished with the smoke and just like my love for you,
it turned to ashes
I also avoid mirrors now
A humorous consequence of getting a lovers name tattooed over your heart
I want to cut it off though I'm already in enough pain
Tonight I'm catching a flight out of town to go be with another
Anothers
Attempting to get in a million memories in hopes that any one of you and I get pushed so far back that I will forget the way your voice sounds
Or the way your hands look
Or the way I adored you most when you were half asleep
Beyond all this hurt, opportunity is knocking at my door
I'm holding off on opening it for now because I'm not ready for anything at this point, and all I really want to do is close my eyes and never wake back up
Because even during sleep, you and him haunt me
After years of being with someone, avoiding things that remind you of them is like dodging traffic
After years of being with someone, trying to move on is like sky diving without chute
Falling
That's my existence this month
No matter where and what I'm doing, your cheating and lying have injected memories in my head that I never even saw, just know about
I long for the day where I'm hurting from another
I long for the day where I forget what your eyes look like
I'm chasing a bag in the wind hoping it covers my face

The bullseye has gained so many holes that it's significants has deteriorated
A billion specs and you chose me, for now
I'd give my left arm for a single rain cloud to be in my sky
Just so I cannot be the only thing pouring
A storm is inside and I'm afraid all that were on ships today will not be returning home
Your last words in a bottle sprung a leak and now know one will ever bleed a common pain
They dropped 60 floors in a elevator after the plane crashed into the first tower
The safety break kicked in at the bottem though the fire from the jet fuel under them, burned them alive
All a sudden my  issues seem so small
Why do butterflies hurt your heart my dear?
Why does your personality change with the color you dye your hair?
How come the only person I want to be next too is the one that's furthest away from me?
I'm stepping out of this car on the freeway in order to empty my pockets of quicksand
For a moment, the eye of the storm holds me with love
They say it's quite this time of year six feet under
That medication can help you
That it's best to find someone who loves you for you instead of looks
The church was filled with terrible people who believed God doesn't judge
How foolish of them
Your stepping stones are getting smaller and the crowd awaits for them to disappear