Recruitment is like walking on a tightrope
You have to maintain your balance
Every minute, every second
While different people try to distract you
From different sides
The candidates, the clients
And finally, the boss
One mistake and it will be the end for you
You may think I'm being overly dramatic
But trust me, you'll soon understand
Handling multiple roles
For multiple clients
And speaking with multiple candidates
Is enough to send your brain into a tizzy
And cause your heart to beat
Way faster than what is considered normal
When you successfully close a role
It is considered "all in a day's work"
On the other hand, when something goes wrong
You're on the chopping block right away
Recruitment is indeed like walking on a tightrope
But it is also a tug-of-war
In which you get pulled from three sides
Yep, you guessed it
The candidates, the clients and the boss
A war in which there is only one loser
And that is you
I am sorry for being such a killjoy
But I believe in laying before you
The harsh realities of this profession
Rather than giving you any false hopes
After all, as a famous professor and wizard once said
"Numbing the pain will make it worse when you finally feel it"

You know how I work
You know the amount of work I put in
Every hour, every day
Every week, every month
It would be the easiest thing in the world
To slack off, for a change
Or work at a snail's pace
After all, I've worked with you
For a long, long time
Therefore, it would be easy for me to think
That I am indispensable
Or that I can take you for granted
But if I do that
Then I wouldn't be Ashwin
So, coming back to the point
You know I am overworked
In fact, we all are
You have even acknowledged it
At some point or the other
And are trying to set things right
By adding more people to the team
However, for some reason
Things have always ended up going south
At the eleventh hour
While I do appreciate your endeavours
What I would really like
Is for you to appreciate our efforts
On a regular basis
And try as far as possible
To ensure some balance in the workload
So that we don't end up biting more than we can chew
After all, a few people have recently left
You don't want to add to that number, do you?
So, please think twice
Before assigning any new mandates
Especially to someone who hasn't fully recovered from COVID yet

What do you really want from us?
We've been working our arses off
For hours and hours
Days and days
Weeks and weeks
Months and months
And we've faced numerous obstacles along the way
Obstacles placed by the market
By the candidates to whom we've been speaking
And by even yourselves!!
In spite of all these hurdles
We've done our best
To ensure that you get the right people
For the requirements you've assigned us
However, the way in which you reciprocate our actions
Is bewildering, to say the least
As far as decision-making is concerned
You're even worse than Hamlet!
You reject a lot of quality resumes
Without any rhyme or reason
You change your requirements
As per your whims and fancies
And then cry foul
When you lose a few good candidates
Due to your inexplicable actions
You put roles on hold at random
And keep the best candidates on tenterhooks
Waiting for an interview that'd never happen
And then blame them for dropping out eventually
You demand resumes at the speed of a cheetah
And provide feedback at the speed of a tortoise
All in all, you ensure that we tear our hair out
By its very roots
Every waking moment of our lives
In order to satisfy every whim of yours
But will you truly ever be satisfied?
Let me ask you again
What do you really want from us?

It's been a long, long time
Since I went to school
Therefore, my memory of those days
Is hazier than a cloud of fog
However, whatever I do remember
I remember vividly, as though it were only yesterday

Such as, committing the biggest faux pas of my school years
When I was in the fourth standard
By wearing a t-shirt and jeans one fine day
While everyone else was dressed in uniform

Disturbing the whole class by talking about cricket
And thus getting a nice scolding from the principal
When I was in the fifth standard
Crying in front of the whole class
Later during the same year
Exam tension getting the better of me

Enacting the role of a princess in a cartoon show
While on the way home
During the seventh standard

Failing in quite a few subjects
At the beginning of the eighth standard
After switching from CBSE to ICSE
Being forced into a trekking adventure
Thanks to the annual cross-country races

Scoring an own goal as a goalkeeper
During the ninth standard
Failing in a record number of subjects
During the same year
Thanks to my obsession with cricket

And last but not the least
Making amends for my past failures
By clearing the tenth boards with flying colours

I can go on and on
But I think that's quite enough for today

Returning to work
After a rather enjoyable weekend
Is hardly something to rejoice about
Especially when you are handling Recruitment
And particularly when you work in a startup
A startup that supposedly gives you freedom
Freedom for the employer, that is
To keep nagging his employees
From time to time
But not freedom for the employees
To work as per their convenience
You feel like a balloon
Pressed on all sides
By the boss, candidates and clients
One false step
And Boom! you are back to square one
And left with a mountain to climb
At the speed of light
You know, though, what's the worst part?
It's the uncertainty
Whether it be in finding relevant resumes
Or speaking to a bunch of candidates
And trying to convince them
Or, if you do somehow manage to convince someone
Waiting for him/her to share the CV
Is like watching that infamous innings of Sunil Gavaskar
In the 1975 World Cup
It kills you from inside
Such that, you just can't wait
For a miracle to happen
Which involves the client
Uttering the magic words
"This position is temporarily on hold"

Oh wisdom teeth, why do you hate me so much?
What have I ever done to you?
It is thanks to you
That my life has turned topsy-turvy
You should never have been born
For all you do, is cause pain
Metaphorical as well as literal
It was ten years ago
When I was first advised by a dentist
To finish you off
I let it slide at that time
And decided to give you a chance
Four years later
I was given the same suggestion
By another dentist
That too in a different city
Yet again, I decided to spare you
And four more years later
History repeated itself
Thus, you turned out to be luckier
Than a cat with nine lives
But you never made use of all that luck, did you?
On the other hand
You had the nerve
To bite the hand
That has been feeding you for so long
Thus, I had no choice
But to send you back to your Maker
Where you truly belong
Of course, you wouldn't surrender without a fight
The anesthetic injection was painful enough
But little did I expect
That you would continue to haunt me
Even after you were gone
For good
I had to take painkiller after painkiller
And even that was not enough
For monsters like you
Who made sure
That every meal was an ordeal by fire
And so was every phone conversation
Oh wisdom teeth, why do you hate me so much?

After a rather enjoyable Saturday
Which marked the return
Of my mother and grandfather
After a fortnight's stay in Chennai
I was really looking forward
To some R&R on "precious" Sunday
It started promisingly enough
Getting up as late as nine o'clock
Enjoying a hot cup of filter coffee
Prepared by my dear mother
Solving Wordle in three attempts
Watching photos and videos of trains
Playing my all-time favourite game 'Choices'
Enjoying a rather delicious brunch
Again prepared by Amma
Followed by my customary afternoon siesta
Which lasted more than two hours
Just as I was beginning to think
That I couldn't have asked for a better Sunday
I had to begin the rather tedious process
Of filing my income tax returns
Fortunately, Amma was there to support me
And take me through the entire process
Which involved numerous calculations
Some of which, were more confusing
Than even the questions asked in IIT-JEE!
After nearly two hours of breaking our heads
And cursing the Finance Minister profusely
Which, by the way, was entirely my doing
The returns were finally filed
And the tax duly paid
As I heaved a sigh of relief
Having gotten a huge monkey off my weary back
It dawned on me
That tomorrow is Monday
And I have to go to office as well
Which involves getting up as early as six o'clock
Followed by a commute in the dreaded Mumbai local
With its super dense crush load
And once I reach office
I have to share a tiny cabin
With my boss and his wife
And endure a lecture or two
About my recent lack of success at work
In this rather claustrophobic setting
Oh boy, I'll never get a break, will I?