So close to it,
Yet so far.

Heart beating too fast,
While I want it to stop.

Eyes blinking away the tears,
While I want them to rest forever.

So close to it,
Yet so far.

When will it come,
And sweep me away,
Right into oblivion,
Away from the obligations.

I am a lonely deer,
Being chased,
To be killed.  

I am a lonely deer,
Who’s been running for long.

I am a lonely deer,
Who’s beyond exhausted.

I am a lonely deer,
Who is terrified of death.

I am a lonely deer,
Who’s is being chased.

I am a lonely deer,
Who turned to see,
If I was still being chased,
Just to see,
That I was being chased,
By myself, my mind,
Playing tricks,
Fooling me,
Killing me.

Like the clouds,
Her eyes watered.

Like the sirens,
Her ears buzzed.

Like the desert,
Her mouth was parched.

Like on a roller coaster,
Her heart raced.

Like the waves,
Her life staggered.

Like a corpse,
She soon laid dead,
Blood oozing out of her veins,
Like that of a nosebleed.

I know I don’t have physically visible scars,
But in no way does that mean,
I don’t hurt,
I don’t punish myself.

I freeze in the cold,
Boil in the heat,
Starve in hunger,
Suffer in thirst,
Drench in the rain,
Die with the spice.

I have scars,
All over my soul,
Heart and mind.

Scars,
Those that never heal,
Those that always bleed.

Never say I don’t hurt.
I probably hurt more than you.

Right now,
This very second

Someone is dying
Someone is being born

Someone is crying
Someone is laughing

Someone is graduating
Someone is starting fresh

Someone is being threatened
Someone is being helped

Everywhere you look
And everywhere you don’t
People experience all kinds of things

And now as I sit here,
Luckily have two options
Either to be sad and confused and frustrated
About my situation
Or be thankful and grateful for the chance
I am getting to re-establish.

Stuck in the backseat,
Of the car that you are driving,
Pretty rashly,
Rocking me back and forth,
Left and right,
Bruising me up just the way,
You killed my heart and love,
Averting your eyes away from my fearful ones,
Shushing my cries with the loud stereo,
You continue racing,
Destroying everything in your path,
The exact way you knocked me out,
A million times,
Disabling me to move, run, get away,
Just like right now,
Stuck in the backseat,
Of the car that you are racing,
Unable to jump out,
The mendacious hope holding me back,
That everything would soon be alright,
That you would change and love me,
Cherish me and care for me,
The way you always promise to do.

They say your heart is the size of your fist,
But I don’t understand how such a small thing,
Can bear to stand a million thoughts,
And a million more secrets,
Always stuck inside, without a way out.

They never told me how big my mind would be,
But it’s the same as my heart,
Brimmed with secrets and guilts,
Embarrassments, unshed tears and
Everything I never could appraise.

They never knew about the thousands,
Of unfinished diary entries,
Each time, the same,
Somehow seeming impossible,
To write my mind out.

They didn’t care about the tears,
Which just wouldn’t fall,
No matter how hard I hurt myself,
No matter how much my heart ached,
Leaving me emotionally detached.

They overlooked my wounds,
Those bleeds that never seemed to seize,
Leaving scars in their wake,
Those that never let me forget,
The life I wanted to leave but failed.

She fell in love for the first time,
With the guy who shared her mother-tongue,
She felt every emotion towards him,
The way the leads of the Romantic movies felt,
She got lost in his conversations,
Over thinked everything,
She got up, thinking of him,
Slept, dreaming about him.

Her fragile heart cracked,
When her best friend confessed to liking him,
The friend who made a card for valentines,
While she forgot, lost in her thoughts,
Her best friend, who had a the courage to,
Confess her feelings to his face,
Holding out the card hopefully,
While she stood rooted, broken.

She felt her heart break for the first time,
Just like the female lead did,
When he accepted her best friends card,
And kissed her cheek with a toothy grin,
All while they were happy and she was sad,
As if nothing happened, she gave a smile,
Joining into the group.

Her heart swelled, gut wrenched
A splitting head ache took over her worried mind,
Eyes burning with unshed tears,
It was happening again,
The same feeling she felt,
Like getting lost alone in a desert,
Or stuck alone anywhere,
Alone but among strangers,
All because she felt over-looked,
Again, for the hundredth time this month,
By friends, family and even strangers.

Her hands shivered,
Legs wobbled, Knees almost giving out,
As she carefully walked out,
Away from the celebrations and cheers,
The same that felt utterly lonely,
The one that felt panicky,
She was lost, On her way to recovery,
She got lost again in the darkness, the jealousies,
The feeling of being forgotten, drew her away from
All the brights in her life, straight into the black,
She strayed from the dream to live peacefully.