Sunlight streaks in, gold and sharp,
One blanket is tossed to the floor,
The other is wrapped around you, tangled in your legs.

You stretch beyond the scope of the bed,
Disorientedly breathe the early morning in,
And cover me with blanket seized in your sleep.

I am draped, like royalty, only in the finest,
Your arm adorns and grounds me.
I understand your appreciation for weighted blankets.

My mind cannot wander or worry or plot my demise in your arms.

One hundred and three stories above a city
With jagged edges and winds that cut

With accidents that spill blood,
Fires that deafen,
Viruses that debilitate and exhaust,
Dread overflows from the hearts and hands of the people who love their city, their home

Distress enkindles compassion, defensiveness,
attentiveness until help arrives,
independence in those who know the responsibility of survival's continuum befalls on them,
necessitating community protect community,
beyond sleep-deprived eyes and peace-starved lungs

One hundred and three stories and counting of lives that cross and coalesce above a city
With jagged edges and winds that cut
With people who stand and shield one another from the piercing wind
Expecting nothing in return

“Why are you still here?”

The train still reverberates across rusty rails,
On schedule but abandoned, resounding far throughout the city,
Just as the streets are empty and surveilled,
The people sick with fear and fear of sickness.

“Why are you still here?”

There is nowhere to run in a pandemic,
No space safe for a burden as I,
One who protected themselves by escaping,
Vacancy in the cityscape no longer offering sanctuary.

“Why are you still here?”

I don’t have a home to return to,
I don’t have a family that will love me,
Though I am not the first nor the last to be lost,
Transient strays, surpassing the maladies of blood, build chosen families.

Identity carefully crafted
Balanced and grasped tightly
To create a semblance of order and hope
Survival amidst unpredictability and abuse

Foundational roots providing the only stability
To a mentally-ill mind
To a future controlled and confined
To an appearance irreconcilable to the heart

Seeking independence, freedom from fear
Authenticity and clarity, all beginning to sprout
But the ground splits beneath, shattering into indistinguishability
An upheaval of all that was ever thought clear

Loss and uncertainty entwine the brokenness
Tears nourish the irreversible aftermath
Fear of permanent incapacitation pervades
But life persists and begins to grow anew.

I have never seen the dawn,
Daylight breaking over the boundary between dark and light,
Though I know that with it comes
A crispness of the air
A hushed silence across the world
A sense of awe
A hope for an uprising of humanness
As the light shatters the anguish of yesterday.

I have never seen the dawn,
But I have seen you sleep soundly
In the dimmest of hues and the brightest of rays
Yet you always shine the most brilliantly
The cool air kisses you sweetly
The battle-scarred child nature sings you lullabies
The interwoven-vines protect you
And the sun and moon are humbled by your grace.

I have never seen the dawn,
But I have seen you sleep soundly,
And through you I know what the dawn brings.

You grace me with
lightness, bright mornings, cool breezes,
darkness, soft notes, flickering candle flames,
warmth from gentle sun's rays, highlighting text,
and the curve of your spine as you stretch across the sheets.

I have never known peace like this.
This is as true as my heart beating double-time to yours.

I spill words of trauma and loneliness,
of fear, and hate, and years of bottled
up bruises.
I know the stories I convey hurt you,
leave you speechless and unsure how to console me,
But I have never felt safe enough
To flood the world with these confessions
Before I met you.

Your palms apply pressure,
reassurance from an outstretched hand
to a simple ruffle of my hair,
and the empathy runs over from your eyes,
unable to fathom
a child taught respect by fire, threatened with severe burns to be molded, controlled, manipulated,
a child taught their worthlessness by begging for forgiveness,
rejected pleas leaving tear-stained innocence,
imprinting guilt far below just the superficial skin,
You ache for this pain of mine to dull and fade,
translated through the embrace of me into your time and space, mind and body.

I have never known love like this.
This is as true as your heart beating half-time to mine,
So why can't I tell you that I love you?