AllAtOnce

AllAtOnce Mar 2016

Lullaby

You are my lullaby
Tossing and turning overnight
Through the dark and beyond the light
You are my lullaby

You are my late night thoughts
It's 2 am and I won't get caught
Letting in all the things I've fought off
You are my late night thoughts

You are my aching soul
For life or death, I'll never know
God forbid the pain reflect or show
You are my aching soul

You are my breaking heart
I think you're sad and I think you're hurt and that's just the start
Nevertheless, you're a work of art
You are my breaking heart

You are out of my reach
Teasing, taunting, betraying my being
All of these thoughts aren't mine to keep
You are so out of my reach

You are my lullaby
As I fall apart and start to cry
Wanting to sleep until I die
You are my lullaby

AllAtOnce Feb 2016

Spring and every regret that comes with it

I imagine that you'd taste like spring
You'd taste like fresh water and grass clippings
And running my hands through your too long hair
Everything around us decorated in blues and greens
Take it all in with breath of fresh air

I imagine that your eyes are the color of candies
Golds and reds and browns
Your fingers feel like reinforced branches
Against the green twigs of my own

I imagine that being with you would be like rain
There would be fights and there would be cold nights
But April showers bring May flowers
And I know everything would be alright

I imagine what it would take for me to stop thinking of you in this moment
Harsh winters and a harsher spring
But when the breeze of regrowth blows on through
The streams cannot rush as fast as the feelings

So as I imagine my toes tickling the grass
I have to imagine that I'm insane
Because it's not that spring anymore
And it never will be again

AllAtOnce Feb 2016

Haunted Ground

One of the most haunting things to see
Is the rubble of what people used to be
All the broken walls of shame
And she can't even say his name
Bricks scattered like self esteem
All among the rotting trees
The words leave an imprint on the silhouette
The brick walls left aren't even red
Shattered souls like broken glass
Mirrored fragments reflect a bitter social class
So when a sympathetic comes to clean up the mess
There isn't even a floorboard left
Nothing can be rebuilt on the cursed ground
Not a fling, not a heart, not a sound
So when he goes to scream his name
Everything stays silent all the same
She picked up and ran so far away
Somewhere like Orlando or LA
While the empty space is where it used to be
Haunted, empty, and unseen

#love #house #la #haunted

AllAtOnce Jan 2016

Ask Me Someday

I never wanted to be one of those girls
Love drunk on desperation and constellations
Captured by your twice bitten nails and my lonely expectations
Why don't you ever notice when your eyes meet mine?
I'm completely taken and I don't know why

I never wanted to stop breathing
Listen. I promise. I swear.
I'm drowning in all of this and I can't seem to catch the air
I think all of the colors are beginning to fade
Maybe you'll ask me about it someday

I never wanted you to look at me the way you do
Empty eyes with nothing behind them
Why don't you look at me the way I want you to?
Because those blind looks seal my fate and I don't like why they do

I never wanted to be one of those people who lied
But none of this is working anymore
I'm imagining your shirt crumpled on the floor
And as these words appear on my sleeve
I realize that there's no one who will really see them.

AllAtOnce Dec 2015

Save me

I realize that so few know and so few care
But tonight will consist of watching dye run out of my hair
And brushing the taste of cough drop off of my teeth
Then listening to music that makes me cry until I fall asleep
Someone, please, save me.

AllAtOnce Dec 2015

More Flashbacks

Tonight has been different
And tonight has been strange
This Christmas felt quiet
And we feel the same
It took me forever to figure out what to get you
And I guess that's why tonight I'm seeing blue
I had to dig up everything
All of the rusty
Old
Silenced
Memories
That I had tucked away
Didn't you take me out for your birthday?
I've never bought you anything in my entire life
(Ice cream, maybe? Once?)
I don't know what you're into anymore and I don't know what you like
Or where to draw the line
It can't be too much like it was
Because we won't have any of that [love]
Song lyrics, song lyrics, and song lyrics started to fill my head
The Mayday Parade, The Only Exception, and the Red
That's too much, too much, too much
What's left, what's left, (do you remember when we went for lunch?)
I think you like books still; maybe that doesn't change
I feel like those kinds of things stay the same
Oh god, now I'm rambling again
I'm such a wreck tonight I'm sorry for the mess
(Do you remember the time we made a milkshake
Back then everything was so fake)
And you probably won't even see whatever this is
You're never on as much as you were (you know what, ***** this)
I think it's time to shut it all out
Shut off the phone and sit in the shower
It's just easier to leave the rusty
Old
Silenced
Memories
Buried away where they belong
Maybe I wouldn't be writing this right now