They say I am healing
but that’s scary to me
never been down this road
never have I seen these trees

They say I am healing
not sure if this is so
I still have bad days
And hit ultimate lows

They say I am healing
I’m terrified to see
the person coming out of this
will she still be me?

They say I am healing
I hope this is true
I need to feel something
other than feeling blue

Racing, racing
why won’t you slow down
I have them so much
I’m sure to drown

Here’s one
now there it goes
make room for another
how long it’ll stay, no one knows

I wish they were pretty
I wish I could say they’re good
mostly they’re on ending things
and my ugly childhood

It makes my head hurt
trying to focus is a chore
all I can think about
is how I was a young *****

They keep racing and racing
these thoughts that I have
some call it bipolar
I just call it bad

No one wants to be here
they’d all rather be
at home with their own dinner
or maybe setting up the tree

The turkey has gone dry
the stuffing’s burnt and crispy
Aunt Tully’s drunk and slurring
to avoid her daughters hissy

The gravy’s congealed and cold
just like Uncle Sam’s heart
Sally knew she shouldn’t have come
this was a disaster from the start

Words across the table
like bombs and laser beams
let’s hope the littles
have no idea what they mean

Thanksgiving is a disaster
it’s like a raging war
better prepare for Christmas
if you make it that far

If I were to change my name
I’d no longer be who I am
then what’s my writing worth
and do I even give a ****

I’ve changed myself before
it never seems to work out
past days always ending in
guilt, shame, and doubt

But I don’t doubt now
that I need to stay the same
sharing my truth and story
until freedom is what came

Oh how I dream to be free
but you just won't let me be
if I could, I would flee
but I'm stuck feeling achy

Oh how I dream you'll let me go
these things happened as you know
your lies hurt me and make me low
please won't you just let me grow

Oh how I dream one day I'll be ok
no longer will I have to be afraid
happiness comes, putting down my blade
forgiving the ways I was betrayed

Crisp white sheets
fall into routine
no more "sweets"
they must wean

in the psychiatric ward