Tomorrow is the day, when I finally will be free. You’ve had such a hold over me. Reminding me of how my body doesn’t belong to me. Always feeling the touch that didn’t belong. A focus of what has been wrong for so long.
When you first came, I wished you would go away. Before there was any damage done, I knew you were not mine. I wished for you to be gone. Even thinking cancer would be better. Just whisk you away.
Every moment of every day, I feel you. I feel the others. I can’t be myself without trying to hide you. And the hiding is something I’m trying to break free from. I want to just be me. Authentic and free.
So this is goodbye. Goodbye to the thing that has attached me to my past. Goodbye to what makes me feel like I don’t belong. Goodbye to you, and hello to me.
A new era is coming. I can feel the breeze picking up. Eyes set to the future as I leave you behind.
Forever,
Alex

Erase me
like a mistake on your page.
Burn me off
like a potent stick of sage.
Repulsion that’s what you think of
when you think of me.
I’m a disaster
must destroy me you see.

Traveling down the rabbit hole
I never knew this would happen
I’ve been fighting so **** hard
to avoid this canyon

Arrive in wonderland
I can hardly stand
wobbly on the front
and I feel I am on the hunt

For a little white rabbit
to help me escape it
the world I’ve fallen in
heading straight for sin

Edibles and my head gets bigger
drink potion to become a normal figure
feel trippy like the Cheshire cat
or mad as hell like the guy in the hat

None of this will stop
my thoughts are over the top
red heart queen screams
giving up on my dreams

Offer up my head
inside it wants me dead
suicide, going to hell
doesn’t matter, just as well

Another day stuck in my head
just wishing that I were dead
probably going straight to hell
but it’s all just as well

People think I am living paranoid
but they just don’t know this void
bipolar lows have got me down
dark thoughts I’m sure to drown

Feel like **** on the daily
about to give in to this
feel like **** on the daily
don’t be afraid of my slit wrists

Demons telling me ***** things
trying to ruin all my dreams
turning me into a cold blooded figure
my PTSD the beasts trigger

Can’t handle this anymore
walking through self harm’s door
will it lead to suicide?
Only one way to find out and try

Feel like **** on the daily
about to give in to this
feel like **** on the daily
don’t be afraid of my slit wrists

Shades over my eyes
make the creepers look back at themselves
feelings from inside
really want to take the blade off the shelf

Lost in the mood
envisioning ruby gems from my arm
fresh and new
I know I could do so much harm

I am a maniac
poor black spray paint on my windows
if I’ll stop
this blade’s power, no one knows

Raging now
on my way to heaven or hell?
When will the fantasy end?
It’s all just as well

These scars are what make me
they show the times that almost break me
but I’ve got through each one of them
even times that were looking grim

The times that I tried suicide
and really wished I had died
I took the blade to my skin
not letting those monsters win

It sounds funny to most others
in these scars I’m covered
but it kept me alive
I see them and think “**** I thrived”

And now I don’t need my blade
it’s another choice that I’ve made
getting by with my pad and quill
who knew I had so much self will

God is dead
never was
crazy head

If there’s a hell
I’ll be there
it’s just as well

Eyes sewed shut
afraid to see
stuck in a rut

Dreamed it up
called Christianity
waiting to erupt

Keep the flock in line
listen to lies
not in my rhyme

Demand devotion in his name
drowning in hypocrisy
all the suffering and pain

God is dead
never was
crazy head

If there’s a hell
I’ll be there
it’s just as well