You cling so tight
Wanting to keep me as your own
As I get close to others you hold tighter
Growing jealous
But when I was yours
When no one else could have me
You didn't care
You didn't see me
You cheated and lied and ran
And I had to deal with it
Not seeing or talking to you for two months before you apologized
But if I don't text you for one week
You threw a fit
Why
Because you are a selfish boy
A boy who has anger and feelings
I'm expected to care for you
While my anger and feelings are irrelevant
You want me to get on my knees for you
When you want and when I refuse
You call me mean
You! call ME mean
Like it's mean to put myself first
To be heard
To tell you to shape up or leave me alone
Selfish boy
Selfish boy whom I can't ignore
No matter how angry or the feelings we have
I stay
I talk to you
I care for you
I come back
Like I have never done for anyone else
I try to make you feel okay even if I'm not
I miss you when I'm not around you
My selfish boy

Hold my hand as you do, love
Keep me close as we walk
This valley and shadows can't hold us forever, love
It's just a matter of time
Watch the clock
Because while we suffer so much today
Tomorrow and for two years
Unaccaptance and loneliness
After that we will be together so stay here
It will all be worth it eventually

Don't give complete faith in someone else for your happiness
You should be happy on your own in case you lose them
This I know
This I understand
But this I also forget when my happiness declines
My love gives me a reason to live
When now looks o bleak
When I lost faith in myself I know they have not
When it looks like I've failed in everything
There is no hope left
I think about mi amor
Think about how they love me
How they would miss me
How I have not mess us up
So, while I know I'm supposed to separate
My happiness from relationship
It's irrelevant when my wanting to live alone
Is oveceeded by them giving me a reason to live

I'm so happy with who I'm with now
But that doesn't mean I forget
It doesn't mean I can't remember
Of how he felt
He is so bad for me
That's why I chose to ignore him
But at the same time
So good
As a friend when he wasn't a lover
I miss him so much
But can't tell him
Out of pride, respect of the one I'm with, or something else
I simply can't
But to speak with him in person
To see him and be his friend
Cause we are no longer lovers
But I miss everything about him so

I want to be your protection
Want to keep you safe
Want to hurt who dares to judge you
Cause my darling, you are perfect

I want to tell you you are amazing
Beautiful, and kind
Want you to believe me when I say
You are worth your breath of life

But all I can do
Is hope my words get through
On the other side of a screen

They say there is no end to the love I feel
That love has no limits
Is this what I feel for them... Love?

I think about them constantly
Have thoughts in day and dreams at night
Wishing they were here with me
Driving be crazy is the distance

I want to feel them more then anyone
Want to tell them about my day
Never have I wanted to text someone as much
As I do for them

But I have been with so many people
People who did lead me astray
Left me broken when they had enough
And now I'm with them

Is this what love feels like
Like there is no one else that can hold your attention
That distance doesn't mean a thing
Except for making nights lonelier knowing they are so far away

She wasn't enough for him
Never enough for her
Not enough for them
The love she wants to share but can't
Because the love she has ends
Splits-- she can never love just one person
It's never enough

Drowning in the waters of hate
All she did was breath
She was walking on the shore of sociality
Pushed in by confidence
But once she went into the waters
Down she was dragged by the monsters
These monsters have names
Their names are: words and action
Words and action living in the water Hate
And now she is drowning
All she did was breath
Why is the monsters drag her
Her mother said she should have warned her
The waters and monsters don't like girls her color
So they will drown her until she dies unless she fights and makes herself untouchable

I am America
One born free
American in my raise
Living in a country where so many wish to be

I am America
With house family and education
Democracy through and through
Where so many are able to be dreamin’

But I am also America
When treated inequally
Women, the black and gay
White men claim to be better than me

I am America
The country where we starve
Where if you’re not perfect you’re less human
Everyone fighting for their brother’s love

This is America
Free and opportunity
Inequality and poor
All lead by our chosen successful democracy

I am America

He thinks the world is against him
He looks over his shoulder
He is seeing ghosts
Of all his past lovers
Scared out of his mind
He huddles in a corner
Scared to open his eyes
Now he is getting colder
'Put an end to this pain'
Is all he can think
"There is no one to save me"
Frozen with no idea what to do
His roommate comes in his room
Worried for his friend
Not knowing what to do
He simply bends down to hold him
He is not alone but the one scared doesn't know that
He screams and runs away
After that, no one knows what happened

She loved boys
She loved girls
Never did she anticipate
She would love someone who is neither
Stuck in the middle
She notices a person
Who is not a he or a she but a they
She talks with the person
This beautiful human being
And their gender is the least of her thoughts
Cause she simply sees an amazing human
Confused as she was sure she was bi
But this blossoming love is changing her
Her first pan crush
Then as time unfolded
She fell even harder
Finally telling the person her feelings
The person told her they had feelings to
Ecstatic, ignoring her first sexuality
The girl falls in love with them
Enjoying them
Not worried about anyone else
She loved boys
She loved girls
She loves the one who is neither

They say my lifestyle is a sin
I go against His will
How he made man and woman
I should not love both
But if that was His way
That I should not be this way
Then why was I made this way
He makes us all in his own image
And for me that means being gay
He knows who I am
I believe in Him
My faith is strong
But who I want to marry is sadly not supported by His words
That's alright though
Cause He sees me
And He knows I love Him
As I am strong in my faith
So don't talk to me about His word
And how I go against it
I am not on a fast track way to Hell
Because I am saved
You are not the judge
My judge is watching from above

There is so much people don't know
Even when they claim to listen
To my words and thoughts
As they are in their own now

As people, we think of ourselves
We tend to place all others second
Without thought
Dusting off our own on the shelves

But yet we try to relate
To others and their experiences
And understand their lives
Unknowing even as we do this we place ourselves in first place

I'm empty
But feeling
Laughing
But crying
This is my normal
How I am when by myself
In this home all the time
This is it
It doesn't make sense
I am lonely
But not alone
I am here
But absent
This is it
Who I am now
How I feel
Even if it doesn't make sense

Someday this will be behind us
Long gone from this place
We may finally be free
Not put down for our differences
From these people we label family
These people in this small town
Someday
It will be us
Not looking over ourselves
Worried while following their strict expectations
Imprisoned in this house
With our family
In this town
Someday
But for now
We must comply
Following every rule to the T
No matter the harshness
For now we must
Smile, listen and take it
Their closed minds
Their closed thoughts
We must fit in
With this family and town
Waiting for that someday
The someday we will be away from here

Her long fingers and black dress
Her breath that goes in not out
Don't kiss her or let her touch you
Or you shall be buried under the ground
She takes your life
Without a warning
She visits everyone just a matter of time
The woman in black
Doing the bidding
You will meet her in time

Your beautiful smile
So cute and seemingly innocent
Makes me melt inside
Your kind words
So true and loving
Makes me forget my sadness and everything wrong with my life
I didn't think I could feel this way again
Not after being treated as I was
But you make me feel so safe
I can't get my mind off of you
I want to hold you and never let go
I want to keep you safe
Listen to your problems and your worries
And take them all away
My happiness lies in you
I trust, love and cherish you
As I hope you trust, love and cherish me

I'm not depressed
I just have this constant overriding feeling that I don't want to be alive
But that's not depression
I just think other people's lives would be a lot better if I was never in them
But that's not depression
Just a wish for me to go away
Never been born
Never existed
But if you asked if I'm depressed?
I'll say no
I'm not
I just don't find happiness in the life I am living
That's not depression
I'm just missing my drive
My will
To live
But if I were to talk to someone
Like a professional
They would call it depression
Probably send me to an institution
But I'm not depressed
Maybe I just don't want to realize
There is something wrong with me
So, I'm not depressed
I just wallow in self-hatred
Not seeing a reason for my existence
It's not depression
It's just--
It's not

My life isn't all that bad
I have everything I need
Loving mother and father
And loving siblings
I always went to good schools
Learn about the Lord above on Sundays
My life isn't all that bad
So somebody please explain
Explain why I have this feeling
Like I'm not good enough
Even through everything I done
It was never good
Somebody please tell me
Why I never listen
My life isn't all that bad
So why has this happened
I can't seem to focus
My life would be better off
Without one component
Me, I should never have been born
Cause even though my life isn't all that bad
People who have met me
Would thing it's the worst
There has to be a reason
But
My life isn't all that bad
There is no reason for me to act out
I simply need to listen
But why is that so hard
Though I'm about the worst person
It doesn't make sense
I have nothing to blame it on
My life isn't all that bad

I live to breathe
Nothing else
It may seem so simple
As if there is more but there is not
I don't enjoy holidays
I'm not quite sure why
Every time I think of Christmas time
I want to cry
I usually enjoy sleep
The nights would be my favorite
But my mind has recently
Scared me out of that
So I live to breathe
I live for my chest to expand and empty
The rhythmic working
Of my heart
Circulation of my blood
From my head to my feet
I simply live to breathe

There once was a man who carried the world
Then one day, along came a woman
Everybody knew her name
The day before she told him:
“You look so tired, carrying that. Let me take it from your shoulders”
Man appalled said, “What shall I do for you to take care of my burden?”
She answered sweetly
“You only had to answer me”
And then she took the world right from him
He walked away
Free that day
But what about the woman
That man, only called her Woman when telling this story
What was her name
Nobody can say
Man only called her Woman

When I first saw you
With your blonde colored hair
In your cheerleader uniform
And your milky white skin
I despised you
I wanted you gone
People told me terrible things making me loathe you

When I first spoke to you
Your strong smile
Kind words
Beautiful eyes
I was fake
I talked behind your back
I pretended to like you when I was barely tolerating you

When we first texted each other
I told only two people
One who disliked you, the other who didn't
I was ashamed of talking to you
Even just as acquaintances
As we spoke over the weeks, my friend spit sins
Speaking of those lies others did believe
Lies that I had believed

But then
After months of sweet conversation
In my worst summer ever
I forgot
I forgot to despise you
I forgot to loathe you
I forgot it was all an act
Forgot the first times
And I felt

The first time I felt for someone as beautiful as you
Now I look at you, a whole year from the first time
Wishing I had you in my arms
Wishing to love you

I don't trust
People have broke that
I don't open up my heart
People didn't listen to that
I don't follow
People have led me astray
I don't love
People took advantage of that

But here I am
Someone known for such a short time
I trust you
Like you are trustworthy
I open my heart up to you
Like you will always listen
I follow you
Even if we were to fall off a cliff
I love you
Like you had earned it

Here I am
Trusting
Sharing
Following
and Loving
Like I don't have anything to lose
As if I didn't learn before

Here giving my all to you
Like I never did before

He opens his heart
His soul to the world
His past experiences
His current pain
Trying to be heard

But nobody would listen
Nobody would read
Nobody opened his book
To his words

So his writings
Of his mind
Became unheard of

He became a wanting of relevance
Trying to be noticed
In the end he just became tortured
By the lost spilling of
His unheard words

The Dead succeed
This is known
They label your life as something good
No matter who you were
They call you successful
But this is not the case
When speaking of me

So what shall play
When I get buried

What shall be my worthy song
Representation of my life
A song about failure
A song about missed love

Who shall I be made as
Someone who chased hope
Failing at everything but reputation
I stand up for my mind
Fell in love with a girl
Lost my mother's heart
Along with my brothers

So what shall play
Over sad conversation
While I lay
In a velvet-lined casket
A song not yet made
A song not sung
A song to be made
I hope by the time I die there will be one

It's not made for a reason
Cause nobody has failed
Nobody broke trust
As nobody is that bad
And if there is one
One person in this world
Who has done what I have done
They won't write it as I hope

So as they tell of a happily lived life
A life free of lie
A golden human
They shall play no songs
They shall read my words
They speak the truth
Of a life now in the dirt

You are exploding, beating inside of me
Whenever we see she has answered our messages
My thoughts are clouded by the strength of you
I tried to tell you "calm down" but you are too drawn in
You are obsessed
My every waking moment
Thinking of her with a smile on my face
So happy I want to scream, I try putting our happiness into words
But when I think, I understand one thing
Someday you will break
The day will come when you shatter
We never felt this way
About anybody else
It's dangerous, my poor heart
You will eventually fail
She will find someone better
And it will just go downhill
So stop your excitement
Don't force me to write so many words
Don't bug her so much for attention
Don't talk about her every day
Don't ask to fix minor problems
Someday you will shatter
We can't take no more
Don't be so drawn in my heart
Because my head foresees
Someday
It will once again
Be
just you and me

I know nothing about you
But I'm hypnotized, wanting to learn more
I know your name
But what is your favorite color
I know your pronouns
But what is your favorite song
I know your age
But what is your best dream
I know your hair color
But what do you aspire to be
I know your skin color
But what is your favorite day of the week and why
I know you are nice
But could you ever think about me the same way I do about you
I want to know you
More than our short encounters once a week
Can I get to know you
Please, let me know you
I don't want to know nothing any longer

I laugh
I laugh for those who are lost
I laugh for those who are left behind
I laugh at those who laugh back at me
I laugh for those looking down who lost their ability to laugh too
Because in this world
where happiness is too easily forgotten
There has to be one
one person to take the weight of the world
the darkness and the bad of the world
and laugh

They tore apart your insecurities
leaving your personality—your soul
naked
alone
they ready your casket wearing cloaks of black
sizing it how they see fit
--too small—
but it doesn’t matter
they claim you don’t matter
unclothed soul
you imperfect being
that’s how they see you as
so they bury you
6 feet under everything you tried to forget
Every lie, different, sinful, unclean thing about you
eventually
buried for so long under these for so long they forget
who you really are
they no longer care
who you were
because now, left behind, you are
cold
forgotten
buried
alone  
but breathing