Haven't had a night out in so long
Though when I do I know I'm going to go overboard. For sure. Freedom is a sweet thing.

hurting myself to protect you
because i'm the worst nightmare
you can possibly imagine
i want to destroy
you
so instead i will slowly destroy myself
in an attempt to control the
raging beast that threatens to break out
i will burn myself up
leaving just a shell of who i once was
but you'll be sheltered from the war
that's waging inside of my chest
spilling my spirit from so many wounds
the pain won't last forever
or so i tell myself
blood and bone
sweat and tears
they will be a shield between
you and i
that keeps you safe
and keeps me caged
my scars
will be the chains that hold me back
reminding me
that i was never enough for you
or rather
i was too much
so remember this next time you decide
to dismiss the sacrifices i have made
to keep you safe

You are scared
I know
Your hands shake
Your eyes close
Your shoulders tense
As you worry yourself
Sick
Over doubts
And insecurities
Old wounds
And a past
That haunts you

But allow me
If you will
To take those fears
And cast them
So far away
Into the dark night
I will hold
You close
Inside of my heart
Forget your past
And look forward
With me

But that night
When we stayed up until 3
Talking about nothing
And everything
And the state of the universes
Inside of our hearts
Changed me

When you told me
You were proud of me
And that I was strong
I wanted to become those words
I wanted to live them
To embody them
And to prove you right

Every day I am trying
I struggle
Because my road has so many rocks
And holes
And there are ghosts of
People and memories that
Want me to fail

Then I recall your words and
I know
That someone has faith in
Who I am
And who I could be
And knows my heart when
I don’t know it myself

And that’s the power in my
Heart and
Legs and
Lungs and
Soul
That moves me past each hurdle
And on my stumbling way

Can we
Lie together for
A few moments,
Let our fingers
Intertwine
While our hearts
Heal,
Listen to
The sound of
Even breathing
And silent thought,
And just
Be?