Where have you been? Where has your mind went? Where did it go, when you started to love him?

                       Who are you?
                       Do you know?
                       Do you know?

I regret ever spending time crying over any of you and I hate writing this right now and I am so sorry I let myself be sad over someone who didn't deserve it and instead ignored that who I loved the most.

How many times
can I shoot myself
with your gun
until I'm completely
dead?

Boy, since you only care 'bout you
Imma do what I wanna do
Imma do what I want with who?
Imma do what I gotta do

I do not have words
for the way I feel
when I walk onto my porch at 1 am
and I know you aren't there,
and that you'll never be
again.

So I stand with my face to the wind,
staring out into the woods,
searching for an answer.

I always find it,
in the silence.

I wanted to leave before I got left
I wanted to leave before I got left
I wanted to leave before I got left

         My God, why didn't I?

I have so much poetry inside of me it's spilling from my veins. the last that I can recollect, you tied a noose around my neck and said "I wish you the best."

I used to wake up anxious
now I have pills for that

I used to wake up and miss you
now I have pills for that too

The feel of her hand on your cheek

The feel of her hand in your hair

The feel of her hand on your chest

The feel of her hand on your skin

The feel of her hand:

home.

You never liked
when I played with knives
"You might hurt yourself", you said

I understand now
that it wasn't romance -
you were just saving it
for yourself
instead.

I have nothing left to say
and that,
to me,
is the saddest of all.

It is not the buzzing and hissing in my ears throughout the day
Nipping at my heels
Spitting at my feet until I've trampled your name

This poem isn't about the boy who didn't want to stay
No, this is about the aftermath
The finding myself
The "where do I go?"
The "what do I do?"
The "we went fishing in that spot" but "made love in that one too"

I wish I had better words
An easier way to say,
"I am fine. I swear I am fine"
But "no, I'm not okay."

It doesn't feel right that everything was here before you were gone and that it remains after.

That the only life touched,
is mine.

Am I supposed to care
if you do not
like my words?

I have m o r e  w o r t h
m o r   w o r t
m o     w o r
m        w o

I want someone to tell me,
what color my eyes are when I'm sad,
and why they never want to see them that way.

I'm spending
my Friday night
on a couch
with Julia Child
reading 77 pages
of English Law

And I don't mind at all.
I don't mind at all :)

My heart is a tomb,
waiting on your body to
come home.