the sun will always
set and rise --
but my mind is endless
it can't decide what weather
it wants to be today

well, yesterday it was sunny
even though it was cold and rainy
it was beautiful in my eyes

with my love, it's a montauk beach
day that's perfectly sunny and warm
drinking piña coladas

but god, when im not with him
it's just like yesterday's weather.
it's so cold, sad to be outside

maybe that's the weather today,
except no rain
it's just sad

i spend more nights
dreaming of us being
joined together in
holy matrimony more
than i spend sleeping
in white noise

i find myself lost
in your brown eyes
more often than i get
lost in my face paced mind
where everything gets lost in
translation

but you,
you make it so simple
through the traffic
that occurs in my
anxious little brain

ive never been too good
at expressing my emotions
other than loud bursts or
even being quiet.

but,
God - you're the only one
who understands it.

you dismissed my fears
and make me want to
be your wife some day

a sentence I never expected to write.

thank you.

there was a lot that
you left behind on that
dreaded day

i don't really recall
being truly sad when
you passed

but i recall 18 years
of mental rehab and
5 years of on going
drug addiction
i replaced you with

my fuse remains
short and i remain
happy within chaos
that's all i remember
when you left

i know, i know
i know im getting
better without you
but mom and i's
relationship remains
dangling from the
warpath you created
between your 3 kids

i just have a lot
of questions ill never
have answered. i don't
think i miss you, though.
i just wish you could've
fixed the bridges you
destroyed before you
left.

Evenings like these
black as a keyhole

crossing a shadow cast
on the side of the road

where the ground sleeps
dreaming of smooth stones

and nights without love
earning a dangerous living

like a breath under water
choked on the mystery

of cornbread
and a farmer's daughter

I wake up thirsty
hungry and alone.

Summer came without you this year
The sun was so bright without you
but I wish it wasn't.
I'm watching the days grow a little shorter
and I'm searching for you in the moon
but all I see is two hundred and thirty days
of mixed signals and my skin fading through another woman in front of me
That you swore you had no emotions for

I guess I deserved that after asking you to open your heart up to me.
The word love is nonexistent to me since I found out it wasn't just me in your mind at night.

theres something about the word 'comfort'
that's just a little off to all of us

some find comfort within silk sheets while
others find comfort within a back hand to the face
because injury and insults are down blankets and dim lit hotel rooms

love, that's another word that everyone has a different definition for
love is sending letters to the one you adore even if they live 5 minutes away
and love is half answers followed by minimal intimacy

we accept the smallest things in life based on how we surround ourselves

i only want to accept the highest forms of love and comfort,
because all i believe is pain and dismissal