I love you.
That is the first thing I think of when I think of you. Love.
i love it when you kiss me,
your lips are so gentle and soft,
no one has kissed my like that before.
you haven’t said you love me,
But all I feel is love,
your touch,
Its gentle. it’s one I never want to lose

your eyes,
beautiful, blue, and gentle
i never want to look away.
the way you look at me, it melts me.
It feels like we can communicate
without words but
You are you and i am me.
We are a mess and probably never meant to be.

you are kind.
i cant get you out of my head.

But I know you’re going to brake my heart.
I will miss the way you kissed me
My heart will break
your eyes will no longer seem so gentle and things between us will fall silent.
I can't believe i actually let you in.
I gave you the things that were important.
I thought my heart was important.
But its just a heart..
nothing too special I guess

Tell me you miss our times together.  
That you miss me with your whole body.  
I want you to know how it feels to have your whole body want me the way that I want you.
To have your hands constantly reaching out, begging to hold me.
Lay down with me, lay me up, and lay me out.
Hold me down while I’m breathing heavy.
While me legs are shaking, pushing me to the limit.
Show me what I’ve been missing.
Remind me that I never want to leave.
That you’re the only one  I’ll ever need.
Let me be your honey dip
And show me what it means to let someone find the sweetness within me

I’ll say all the right things
But at the end of the day
We both know you’ll still always have one foot out the door
While Im standing here like a fool waiting for you. Wanting you to commit to something that you never will

it’s been 4 months. I’m still not able to go out alone. I freeze every time someone tries to touch me and I cry if I even get close to having *** with someone. In the past 4 months I have fallen back into the habit of drinking to black out and drinking to forget. I am using more drugs than before. I want to feel numb. I can’t be here sober because you creep back into my mind. I’m afraid to be alone, afraid to be with those I love, and even more afraid to let myself open up to those who I want to love. There are still days when I cannot get out of bed. The shame and guilt that I feel is too much. There will be a day when I get up and what you did will no longer weigh so heavy on my mind. Today may not have been that day but that day will come.

You make me feel selfish
selfish for talking to you
for asking for your company
i know you want nothing to do with you

I crave your attention
I want you to hear me
I want you to listen when I tell you my fears, problems, and pain
I am trying to help you understand my messed up brain

Im selfish because I don’t want you to have another “girl”
Because all i want is to be heard. To tell you what I need. Tell you how I feel. How you hurt me. How you make me so incredibly frustrating but happy at the same time.
I want you to hear m

I just want you, to want me,
All of me.
I want to tell you everything,
Even the bad stuff...
But I'm afraid you'll run away,
Or worse.
Just want to be friends.
I want someone like you by my side,
holding my hand,
Telling me it's going to be ok,
I want you to be strong when I’m not,
Help me hold my head high.
I want to call you, hear your voice, hear my name roll off your lips.
I don't want to scare you away.
I don't know how to do this...
I’m trying too hard.
Please help me get this right.
Im afraid you’ll decide you only want a part of me,
Because the whole me is too much to handle.
I don't want to be alone,
I feel like we are so close to having this.
You don’t understand,
I can’t find the right words to say it.
Why can’t I find the words?
Can you understand without the words?
I can feel you pulling away,
I know why, but at the same time I don’t.
I don't know what I did,
But I did so many thing wrong.
You’re unsure.
I want you to come back,
I want you, to want me.
I want you to want this.

My body no longer feels like my own
It’s covered with remembers of you
Bruises on my hips
Gouges and scrapes across my *******
Marks along my neck
You make me want to hide
I’m afraid to show my body, to even look at myself in the mirror
I’m ashamed of what you’ve turned my body into
I can’t close my eyes without feeling your hands touch me where they shouldn’t
I feel ***** and empty
I walk around holding back the tears
I’m not fine, I’m not ok.
You are destroying me