it’s been 4 months. I’m still not able to go out alone. I freeze every time someone tries to touch me and I cry if I even get close to having *** with someone. In the past 4 months I have fallen back into the habit of drinking to black out and drinking to forget. I am using more drugs than before. I want to feel numb. I can’t be here sober because you creep back into my mind. I’m afraid to be alone, afraid to be with those I love, and even more afraid to let myself open up to those who I want to love. There are still days when I cannot get out of bed. The shame and guilt that I feel is too much. There will be a day when I get up and what you did will no longer weigh so heavy on my mind. Today may not have been that day but that day will come.