I wish I could look in the mirror everyday
and think I looked beautiful.
I wish I could walk into a room full of strangers
with my head held high and my story to tell.
I wish I was really talented at something like everyone else.
I wish I knew what I was doing with my life.
I wish I was skinny to the bone so I could go to the beach
with pride and look like all my friends.
I wish I didn't have to say "goodbye" so often
that my chest aches in a familiar way.
I wish I thought better of myself.

That unexpected kiss.
That one night I let it all go and it ended up in bliss.
Every time I said no,
Thinking I would never end up with someone like him.
Turns out I was wrong, I just didn't know that it would turn out like this.
Saying I dont judge those who go on and do whatever they choose to do,
But in reality all I did was diss.

Diss who he was and what he stood for.
What I failed to see was that things aren't always what they seem it's what you look for.
It has more to do with whats within.
Within the soul.
Within the mind.
Turns out this is one hell of a guy.
Walking with a shackle full of past mistakes and judgment,
But who doesn't?

So here I sit thinking how did it get to this.
To this unexpected feeling,
This feeling that has me reeling.
Was it that I lacked the care of being his,
That made me realize that no masks where on for any of this.
All it was suppose to be was some nights of support and bliss.
Yet it turned out to be something that I will forever miss.