i saw her standing there, laughing and smiling
i looked down and filled my lungs with clean air
it was funny how in her smile i could see her crying
i looked up again and tried my best not to stare
she looked my way and ran her fingers through her hair

her pretty clothes looked a little old but i could see
that she didn't care because if she did she would cease to be
as i came closer then i could feel a sense of urgency
from within me i tried to quench the flames of unbridled glee
she smiled wider then, white teeth glimmered back at me
"what's your name?" i said, standing like a willow tree

as i heard her words for the first time, already hoping it wasn't the last
the vibrations from her throat caressed my eardrums violently
a little shaken and surprised i could feel the mistakes of my past
as they rose up and greeted me rather harmoniously
i realized i knew that they now meant nothing to me

What would you have done that day
if i asked you, begged for you to stay
but now i wouldn't want you back,
for feeling for you i do now lack

you are heartless, cruel my dear
you never cared, oh how my heart did tear
and looking back, oh now i know
to the devil you had sold your soul

so close your eyes, lets say goodbye
go on and tell some other grl your little lies
and now im utterly thankful for that day
the day, the day you walked away.

that girl walks down the hallways owning the show,
that girl acts as if thoose voices in the background dont even phase her,
that girl walks on with a smile, laughing at thoose voices in the background encouraging them even,
that girl raises her hand in class and answers correctly, getting the answer right, with claps in her ears she still acts as if the things in the backgound don't matter,
that girl goes to all thoose clubs and participates more than anyone else,
that girl acts as if the daggers slung at her are simply something to laugh at, something to enjoy,
but when no one's looking that girl cares, that girl becomes exactly who she truly is.
when no ones looking the grl can be quiet without people wondering "what the **** happend to her?"
when no ones looking that girl becomes mellow and lets things sink in,
when that girls by herself she let's thoose daggers slice through her flesh leaving thoose awfully noticable scars,
when no ones looking that girl can become obnoxious with thoose who society judges the most, without getting crtisized,
when that girl is alone she can't help but wonder "what the **** happend to the world? i thought this was once a place to be proud of? once a place to have pride in?"

If you were Any Other Girl......
I wouldn't be writing this

If you were Any Other Grl......
All of these thoughts that stumble around my head like drunk men trying to find their way home wouldn't exist
And I say drunk men because it's easy to understand sober men
Yet these thoughts seem inexplicably intricate....

If you were Any Other Girl......
I'd be able to decipher all of these emotions and realize that after seven drafts of a poem I should probably give up on trying to explain that if I could I would nail my hands to the very stars themself if only it would give me a tongue crafted of pure gold....
Maybe then I'd be able to explain to every passing stranger how I can see a masterpiece in your very smile

If you were Any Other Girl.....
I wouldn't stumble over wanting to kiss you

If you were Any Other Girl.....
I wouldn't want to brush your hair back slowly, acting like a walking cliché in the desperate hope that your smile would inject my pitiful heart with enough courage to lean in and just be close to you

If you were Any Other Girl....
I would have kissed you a hundred times over

But you see the truth is that......
You're not Any Other Girl
You're gorgeous
Your smile seeps into me like water soaks into the parched land and gives it new life
Your hair seems to have a life of its own and I can't help but think that if you were Medusa's daughter, being turned into stone would be worth it because the last thing imprinted on my vision would be a walking artwork
And what I want you to know is that when you smile I feel the precious bud of bravery blossom within my chest
And I manage to convince myself that I will kiss the most beautiful girl I've ever had the privilege of knowing
Yet when confronted with a face as pure as a Mondrian painting
And more beautiful than a Vermeer or a Botticelli
Massive waves seem to form over me and I stand beneath behemoths of beauty and I laugh.....as these waves crash over me
My inconsequential bravery is washed away in the face of your beauty as I realize for the first time that this girl is....... worth the frustration
She is worth the wait
Worth the energy
Worth the embarrassment of letting an awkard attempt at a kiss melt into a more awkward hug....
But the simple truth is.....
You are not Any Other girl
You.
Are.
Worth.
The.
Journey.
And I can not wait to savour as much of it as I can with you

When u have a small voice.
Its easy to be talked over
Im also a small grl
Ppl think im easy to walk over
I have a tiny voice
That doesnt carry in a room
I have a voice
Ppl ignore
And ideas ppl never hear
Cuz they block out my voice
And muffle my sounds
They cancel my words
And shut out my mouth
Speaking tones
Im unknown
But they dont care
They dont listen
To a tiny voice wit big visions
And grandeur dreams
But somehow they sequester everything i say
And shut down everything i speak
And they will never know me
Or the beautiful things i see
Because my words r nothing
But mumbled speech
As they talk over me and my tiny tiny voice
In your large room
Could there ever be room for me
And my voice to echo
Could there ever be....

On the weekends
On these coming summer weekends
I'll dress up and lean into the wind.

My hair it grows
My arm is inked
I work and I try to have a lot of fun.

The boys are
One noted in some ways
I never thought
I'd come to a place
Where they'd echo all around
"I'm not looking for anything serious."

I've heard that phrase so many times now
I never enjoy it
But I no longer let myself feel defined by it.

I am a powerful, ******, in charge of my own self
Being
And I don't have to allow myself to feel small
From anyone.

I wore holographic stickers on my eyes
I was feeling a little bit weak
In my flowered dress
A good friend gave me a choker to match
Somedays I wear pjs all day
And not a lick of make up.

His moves in the bedroom were so
Touching
We seemed to speak the same language
With kisses and grabs
Rough playfulness
The photo I had drawn of me
Reminds me of the ****** positivity
I advocate and believe
Heartily in.

I'm not worried about
I let it just
Roll off
Sometimes somedays
I see myself more clearly
After working through a lot
The south reaches for me
With its long lean pampas grass
And Spanish Moss
Arms.

I know I could stay here all the while
But its just too cold
Its perfect right now
We feel it in our lips
My grief of the past
Lingers in different forms now
But the darkness of it
I feel I've overcome it
Finishing projects
Starting new ones.

Enjoying.
Resting.
Recovering.
Building.
Living.

winter sun on my translucent skin
sheer epidermis veils my veins
parched of sun depleted by rains