I inhale your breath as you sleep
like some secret ingredient is found
in your rest and only I can have it.

I taste your lungs and feel the moisture from you body
I am delighted in connection.


This precious air I am breathing, straight from you, my Love.

This precious air.

You open your eyes and like that I am stunned
they seem to sparkle brighter than any sun

You catch my breath, in your throat and I can not breathe any more
I have to hold my breathe just to look into your eyes
Just to completely allow all of it to flow
between you and I.

You know the feeling, you know the way,
You know theres nothing either one of us could say.
You know this tide, this circuitry
this stream between you and me.

Its electric like we are one,
Its like Im the moon and your the son.
Its like we take turns being eachother
like You were my father and I'll be your mother.
Like I am your sister and you are my brother.
Like my soul is your soul and we are the same.
Like all of this life is just one silly game.

i've been staggering lately
decided that i'm not even fooling anyone
kidding myself maybe, though

it's eat, guilt, repeat
eat, guilt, repeat
100, 200, never exceed the 3

i'm smart.
so why do i leave my jacket at home
so i can burn off that extra 21?
"why do you have that memorized?"

blood shot eyes,
therapy,
emergency rooms,
believe it or not,
telling me i have OCD
gives me no ******* clarity

and then what if it's worse?
times change people change
but my yearning for another life
remains the same.

i know its not a joke
but i tried to code my suicide note yesterday
mom says where's the smart girl i used to know?
we tragically had to let her go

111.2 is getting harder and harder to get used to.

What do you do
when you realize
you're the aftermath
of someone's abuse?

It was written in the subtleties,
not the clear skin on your face.

You find it etched inside
of a voided smile.

The byproduct
of back handed remarks.

You stayed home
convinced yourself
you weren't really lonely.
But when you went out
you were made to feel the same.

Second guessing became
second nature.
Proving yourself worthy
became a personality trait.

It's not always clenched fist
or hit and run

It's a quick wit
and a razor tongue too.

The kind of love
that makes you
question the lengths
you've walked in life.

Makes you think
the only way is stay put
or go backwards.

The green eyed monster
turned you pale again
and you don't see
yourself in the mirror anymore.

Only someone who paints
her face with a smile
and tells everyone she's okay.

But the aftermath
is still just as deadly.
and your eyes feel sore
from trying to see
the good in things.

It's not always black eye
and a pain in your head.

If the flags read red-
then run.
No matter how far
you have made it.

On a scale of one to ten?
homicidal/suicidal?
hearing things/seeing things?
name three emotions.
how does that make you feel?
increase or decrease?
purge/restrictions?

it is insane to me
how life exists
at four o'clock in the
******* morning
lungs still breathe



(c) SEA 2016

he quit me cold turkey
like a pack of cigarettes

and when it did not work
he found his nicotine patch

in the form of a
grade nine math teacher

easier for him than for me
and I kicked the habit

only after months spent
suppressing cravings of

his memories

I have not felt a thing
in quite a while

but for the anger and
heartbreak caused by
my own country's betrayal