Lust demands action
Selfishness becomes addiction
Empty words of admiration
Grand gestures displaying affection
Eyes full of adoration
Until the moment of affirmation
At which point everything becomes a result of corruption
Also known as the unforgettable transformation
The falling apart of all infatuation

Love demands nothing
Instead one finds them self automatically eradicating
All things that aren't exonerating
The one that they've found ravishing
And the mind begins fragmenting
Without forewarning
As happens to be the sign of one interlacing
Their thoughts with the one they've unconsciously been worshiping.

there's no cures,
no hopes,
no hi's, nor bye's..
there's not really much left to say then is there-
so why do i try?
why do i reach for words just out of reach,
why haven't i let it go?
why do i wonder so-
wander so?
what am i looking for?
i have what i want, i have what i need,
i have the joy i sought so sorely so,
i have my grasp on a future,
no longer so futile..
and yet
guilt clouds my mind.
i wish so badly that i could take what you gave,
that i could scatter my seeds amongst the many already strewn,
intertwine my life into the fabric of yours,
and be happy doing it.
but i wasn't happy, i was empty
and your pieces didn't fit quite right,
despite how hard i tried..
because i did try,
oh how i tried.

i just wish i hadn't
poisoned the medicine maker.

I thought I knew what lonely was until a movement I couldn't take part in came along.
I was used to being on my own, but when surrounded by the voices of people speaking out against the atrocities they've faced at the hands of others I was filled with a need to join them-
Until I realized I couldn't.
For the resulting commotion that would fill my life if I did would not equate the relief I may or may not feel by telling all.
The demons in my life wouldn't be prosecuted by my voice, despite the promises some naive like to make.
To stay silent is to stay protected, even if it is at the cost of one's own sanity.
For I reside in the middle. In the place where things aren't so bad that I need saving nor the place where things are so safe that I can speak without fear. My voice wouldn't cause a worldwide commotion, nor would it cause arms of those dear to me to envelop me in embraces of comfort and support.
It would cause mass pandemonium in my world while changing nothing in the world.
So lonely has been redefined to mean utter panic in the midst of temptation.

I'm ****** to Hell,
As I'm sure you've heard.
It's all over town,
Spreading across the world.

The news of my damnation
May have come as a shock,
But at second glance
This becomes the talk:

"I'd known it all along"
"She'd always had that look"
"I doubt she'd ever even held a-"
"God-**** Prayer Book!"

Now let me tell you a secret,
The reason for this all.
I fell in love with freedom
(Even the notion's known to appall!)

Welcome to My Kingdom
In the cavern beneath these plains
If you've got a bit of wisdom
or even the slightest hint of brains
You surely must know
Why My Kingdom is truly the place to go
(Join me for a strip show?)

People say
That Heavens the place to be
But to eternally need to pray
Is something I'd rather like to flee.

Though there is a bit of pain
I can do anything I please.
I really can't complain
If Satan's a bit of a tease.

So Join Me
Come one, come all
Because whether you choose to or not
My Kingdom will be
Where you ultimately
Fall.

There's really no point
in changing oneself
Especially when everyone
thinks they know you.
There's really no point
in righting ones wrongs
Especially when everyone
decides you're tainted.
There's really no point
in apologizing
Especially when everyone
claims you're lying.

Convince me of my beauty
I'll retort with my blemished being
And accept not the superfluous comments

There's great reason
Behind my distaste for empty compliments
You may believe you have given me a gift
But it's really just a reminder
That I am not what people say
That I will not be what I wish
That I need others to remind me of my worth
When in reality
There is no real worth that I need to be reminded of.

I'm craving your attention
I'm practically begging
But you're blowing me off
With a few comments peppered throughout
And an empty concluding statement
As if you kept a stash handy
For times like these
To end
What seemed to have been the most
One-sided and lonely
Conversation

Self pity is quite..
Irksome.
I know I'm being a downer,
But it's too hard not to be.
So I just end up being
that person.

You know the type;
The avoided, annoyingly sad
Person;
The person that knows exactly
How to **** the enjoyment
Out of others' lives.

It's as if unconsciously
I want everyone to feel as I do,
But trust me, I don't do it on
Purpose. I don't want to be
The downer any longer.

I want to be the life of the party.
The crazy and happy and witty person.
The one people like and enjoy.
Not the one that repels all these traits.

I promise, I've been trying
To be fun and sassy,
Open and playful,
Quirky yet Majestic-
But right now it all feels like an act.
Make believe, unreal, fake.

So I guess I'm stuck;
And in lieu of this, I cordially
Invite all those present to
My Pity Party.

Release clouds my judgement
Or perhaps clears it
For I've lived under your hold for so long
That everything feels different
Hazily familiar
Eerily distant

Release me from this hell hole
Of feelings not yet felt
Of words not yet said
Of people not yet met
Of relationships too soon set

Release me from this hell hole
I beg of you, please
I cannot sit here and listen
To the petty problems of
Society. Especially when they
Fall out of my mouth.
How could I be affected
By crap that has no meaning?
Why do I pretend that any of this
Will matter in the end?
Why am I so ignorant of
The life I should be living?
How could I take part in being
A normal teen, when that right
Was taken at birth?

There are issues and problems
And then there is my life.
The embodiment of disappointment,
My life serves the perfect example
Of what happens when cultures are
Mixed by the hands of inexperienced
Adults, that think they know best.

Not trying to be obtuse,
but tell me now-
Is this all a game?
Is this all just a past-time?
Am I so fun to mess with
that you can't control it?
Better yet,
Am I supposed to be okay with this?

I may be nothing in your opinion,
I may also be nothing in mine,
But sometimes I question
your obvious disrespect for me,
and my quiet acceptance of it.

There's a secret within me
Writhing to be free
Sometimes it slips out
In wisps of whispers
and I clamber to pull it back
To retrieve the slivers before
Someone realizes what the
Whispers entail

There's a secret within me
Its too much to hold
But its too much to let out
So I let it gnaw at my insides
Pierce my heart
And drain me of what
Might've been a soul.

There was a secret within me
I really shouldn't have kept it
There was a secret within me
But now it's gone

So am I.

I've become the secrets
that were whispered at twilight.
They floated toward me silently,
but burned intensely-
becoming branded on
my skin.

It's not that I want to hide them,
but I also don't want to display them-
At least not to you, not anymore.
For the more you know, the more I risk
losing you, or perhaps myself.

You are, unknowingly,  the detonator
of these explosive secrets.
They shine brightly, blindingly,
every time you come near.
I refuse to save myself
Destruction is inevitable.

The deeper you
understand the secrets, the closer your
essence creeps to the unseen button.
But you see, there's a catch. If I dare
stop you from treading near my end,
I risk bringing upon yours.

I refuse to save myself-
don't you understand?

The bursting of my secrets will yield
the most spectacular show of light.
For I will become the piercing white of the stars-
and you will be able to thrive within
the light of my destruction.

I can't keep my light
away from the one who loves it.
Instead I'll give you everything-
As is the price of secrets.

Kissed by the lights
Fluttering in the space between foreign and dangerous
Burned by their constant nearness
Yet fearing more the cold
Wanting to drink in their warmth
To keep them forever near
Wishing their floating nature could be adopted by me
Hoping no one sees the marks they leave
Hoping no one sees the happiness they give
....Though the lights are nomadic
and one day will wander too far
I give myself false hope that they will stay near
However I understand that even the lights' time will come

I'm so done.

I cannot be perfect,
I was never smart.
I don't even scratch the term
intelligent.
Never mind me being
talented
or of any worth.
It's not self-pity,
It's self awareness.

I learn so much about you
Everyday another boulder falls
Crushing countless other beliefs
Beliefs in your honesty being no.1

Forget what the words do to me
Don't you wish it wasn't said
That you'd lost your charm?
Or better yet, don't you care
About all the people you've lost!

I wish I could say
That knowing how painful
You're realization might be
Would make me stay by your side
And make me want to be your support
But it overwhelms me

I don't care about your pain
How selfish
Oh well

Ebbing through the haze
Overshadowing the little ones
Clawing at the backs of the elders
Whispering thoughts into the ears
of the impressionable naive ones
Silently beckoning all those
with the need for release
Eagerly awaiting a chance
To make a difference
To have a voice
To bring upon a change
.
.
Teenage Rebels

Smother me with your lies;
I'll unveil the blinding truth
In the midst of all you dared deceive.

Shackle me with your idealism;
I'll expose the true confinement
That lies beneath sweet words.

Stab me with your fake love;
I will pierce the illusions of society
With your own barbed heart- for though
Your title comes under caretaker,
I've lived my life knowing you
Would be my undertaker.

It's that feeling inside
Bubbly and Filling
Expanding through you
Making you burst at the seams

It's that feeling inside
Happy and joyful
Coursing within you
Making everything seem just right

It's that feeling inside
Bright and cheerful
Shining through everything you do
Making the world shine with you

It's that feeling inside
that appears only sometimes
But makes you realize
how much more there is to life

I feel a bit lost,
I feel like I'm drowning.
I feel as if the world
is looking at me, frowning.
Everyone must think
that I'm a fool for letting myself
reach the brink
for someone that only looks to me
when he can't see himself.  

I care too much
I care too fast
I make mistakes
with consequences that last
I don't take chances,
I take risks
and that's all the difference
that matters in the end.

I wish you luck,
I wish you joy.
Please don't look back
and notice the quiver
of unspoken thoughts
hanging in the air
as I say nothing
and think everything.

I fall beneath the wings
I hang above the chasm
I let my resolve crumble

Breathless whispers bring forth
enticing thoughts of snow globe worlds
As useful as paper weights

I fear the collision of worlds
I wait for the ringing to stop
I allow the peace of destruction to befall

Covering the world
in satin trimmed words
Pretending the tides would shift for the better

"Dare to be different"
I say, following the ideologies
of Everyone around me.

Shaky hands, shaky fates
Steady beat, steady life

I see no benefit
to share my innermost thoughts
with anyone.
*Especially someone
intending to fix me.

East and west
Right and left
Never will there be a greater void
Than the one created through those that are too poised

How do tears burn like acid,
Why does your mouth emit poison,
When did your fingers start burning my wrist,
What had you intention been?

time on my hands, time to ****
the demons know where to go
a trigger to pull, thoughts to blow

I've realized that
You never really looked at me-
Just through me.

You completely disregarded
My stories and tales
My spectacular (and not-so spectacular) adventures
My music preferences
My favorite things
My love for the sport cricket
My hate of roller coasters
My fear of dying pointless to the world
All the things that make me me

You never made the effort
You never really cared
You never did much of anything, actually

things I hate:

me

things that make me hate me:

you