i wanna be pretty for you,
even when
my mascara runs
down my cheeks
and my lipstick
is smeared and
when my hair is tangled
and when my eyes are
bloodshot and
i'm drunk out of my mind
and calling for you,
mumbling and screaming your
name at the top of
my lungs and when
i smoke my first cigarette
and the smoke that comes out
of my mouth looks so much
like you and the nicotine
runs through my veins
and the smoke clogs my lungs
just like you did
and when i look
in the bathroom mirror,
and i see you in my eyes
and i start crying
even though i hate crying
over you and i just wanna
be pretty enough for you, love.