Lately it’s felt like I’ve been going backwards
Retracing my steps with the hope that I’ll find some clarity
Falling back on old habits that always made me depressed
Getting caught up in the past when I should be obsessed with the moment

I listen to old songs and the way I hear them now
Have nothing on the way I used to
It’s crazy how we can reinterpret a melody
To conform to our current way of thinking

I don’t feel the butterflies the way I used to
And I know that this just comes with the territory
of becoming familiar with someone
But the hopeless romantic in me
can’t help but feel the loss
I want the boy to love me
but I’m not sure if I want the pain to stop

Lately I’ve been telling my brain to just go, to mentally move on
Build up my walls and bury myself away once more
But then you message me and I feel myself crawling back,
Over and over again like an unsteady person
Who doesn’t know how to be alone with their thoughts
Once they've realized that life could be different

I’m always fine when you’re gone
I used to be unbalanced with the distance
But nowadays I feel myself reaching peace
Whenever you’re not near me
So every time you come back I know that
the plane of my existence will become tilted yet again

But chasing after a fantasy will never be what I need
I need to be strong and possess some mental lucidity
I’m too weak in my soul and too tired in my bones
To be this worried about a love that doesn’t exist

So when I’m ready (and I know that soon I’ll be ready)
I’ll let myself exit this moment
I’m ready to give up, to take back what I’m feeling
This ill-hearted emotion that proximity
will one day translate to love and devotion.