Nostalgia.
I knew the word but I never thought of using it before someone actually knew that that's what I was feeling.
This urge to run away from everything only to attend what I love to do the most.
I said,
"It's as if, in my past life, I was a dancer who has danced on stages around the world. I give myself to my body. It's more than love, more than adoration, more than passion."
"It's nostalgia." she said.
I was struck.
Yes. It feels as if I never stopped dancing. It feels as if it's the only thing I know how to do ever so naturally.
I sleep knowing tomorrow I'll dance.
I dream about the dancer I have yet to become.
I wake up thinking how to dance throughout the day.
It's not about The Nutcracker and the Sugar Plum Fairy, nor the last dance of the Dying Swan in the Swan Lake, nor about Giselle and its romanticism.
It's about Clara's courage that saves The Nutcracker, and how the Dying Swan feels pain in her broken wings and how true love saves the man Giselle loved from death.

I've always told myself that at the end of the day you only have yourself, but now I've came to realize that I've forever slept with an immense love in my heart - the dance world, a world that has found me decades ago and left in me a nostalgia, a longing, an approach to how amorously  I can embrace myself.



- LynnAA