As I drown in a sea of *****, I reach for love with every breath. But when I had love I missed the woman and awkward mornings, I crave so very much. The grass was greener but after I stopped giving it the emotions and fuel to be green it died like the relationship I got out of. I want what I cant have. We are so tech prone I can get a girl like I can get pizza... one call and 15 mins later I have some hot piece at my door ready... without any effort.  Why try? Why do dates, hold hands, love? When I can feel all those emotions in one night cuddle if need be and not worry about fights or drama... but I still seem empty inside... am I really my own worst enemy? Is my Achilles heel inside? My heart, only touched by ones I can barely choose to let close? Or is it all just noise.