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  Aug 2015 Paige Chevalier
cg
1) For every great skyscraper, there are petty fingers that built them.
I wonder if we were made the same way.
They were strong enough to raise a hammer, but not enough to raise a family.
I wonder if we were made the same way.
She is cold, and he is drinking, and this is our backbone.
She is alone and he is driving home too fast because sometimes you don't have to be in the wrong place to be looking for the wrong thing.
She is afraid and he is warm, this is the beginning spark of a forrest fire filled with broken glass shattering in broken homes with broken people inside on a broken piece of land in a city that has too much rain for someone to build an emergency room in. Everyone with a burden holds their confessions in their left palm and their beggings in their right and no one ends up having enough arms to hold each other.
2) One day the whole world will be in your hands too, and you'll see that sometimes darkness can blind you worse than the red glare the sun paints your vision when you stare at it with your eyes closed.
You will be brave, you will stand up straight, you will stop being royal when people stop painting Jesus with a purple robe.
Even the concrete asks the sun to make it a garden so try cracking your knuckles a little louder and maybe you will wake up as a mountain.
3) Autumn. When you wrote secrets on notebook paper and taped them underneath benches in the city park, you gave too many pieces of yourself to things that weren't made for holding that much weight.
But you said it kept you honest and there were never any reasons for me to ask you to stop giving away the parts of you I wanted to myself. It kept me humble.
4) I am alone
5) You are October in a green dress with a black mask around your eyes and you have stolen the breathe of that day. And I hope when you are 80 years old you feel a breeze sliding on the back of your neck reminding yourself of all the times it should have snapped in half during the moments of what should have been your hanging, how it takes you back to living life like you're always in the desert and stealing innocent people's money and smoking cigarettes beside rattlesnakes.
I hope you find a beach in the Caribbean that asks to be died on, I hope you learn to forgive people harder than you can cry on their shoulder. I hope you watch a sunrise that you spend the rest of your life thinking about. I feel like for that to happen you need your feet in the ocean or underneath a rocking chair, but I would settle for your bedroom.
6) But with you it was never settling.
I've never felt so at home,
as I did the day I met her.
For once I couldn't hear
the bickering of voices in my head,
and that's how I knew.
Home is wherever your demons
go mute, and the feeling of
her palm on mine is
a better silencer than
antidepressants ever were.

She makes me feel whole,
like the only reason my heart
is aching is because I
cannot possibly love her more.

She smiles at me like
there might actually be
something there to smile about.

When I am with her,
I forget that society did not
teach me to love this way.
Did not teach me that
sometimes love arrives
in a package tied with a pink bow.

And I could change all the pronouns
in my love poems to him,
if it would make others
more comfortable,
but it wouldn't change the truth.

The truth is that nothing
has ever came easy in life,
except for loving her.
Paige Chevalier Jul 2015
i. denial
you aren’t gone, no.
you’re going to come back to me.
you’re going to come back.
ii. anger
you promised you’d try;
but the second things got hard,
you didn't look back.
iii. bargaining
its not over yet.
we aren't unfixable.
we’ve come too far now.
iv. depression
i wasn’t enough.
you told me you’d always stay.
you’re not coming back.
v. acceptance
you were my first love,
the first to truly love me;
you won’t be the last.

pc
i just realized that i only counted "going" as one syllable when it should have been counted as two, but other than that, these should all follow the haiku 5x7x5 rule
Paige Chevalier Jul 2015
people tell me i have your eyes like its something i should be grateful for.
but when i look into your eyes i only see empty beer bottles,
body hunched over in prayer for forgiveness from all the wrong people.
your eyes are unapologetic but you are always saying sorry.

when i look into your eyes i only see bruised knuckles,
fingers not quite as broken as our family,
a house that was never quite a home.
your eyes are hungry and they devour me whenever they get the chance.

people tell me i have your eyes like its something i should be grateful for.
whose eyes do you see when you look into mine, dad?
who are you blaming when you tell me its my fault?
if i'm the mirror image of you, dad, you must be blaming yourself.
this is kind of ******?? oh well
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