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luci sunbird Aug 2012
If there were a way to mend your heart
Before it was broken, I would
If there were a way to get along with you
No negativity included, I would.
If there were a way to love you for all my days, I would.

Life has yet to set that path for me.
My trails are still bumpy, and long.
The temperature is ever changing,
And the sky has many shades of color for me to see.

1.26.11.
luci sunbird Oct 2011
It is hard to say
What I like about you
When it is nothing, not even you
Not your hair
Not your face
Not your smile
Not the way you taste

Everything has been a waste
All this time
All this grime

I'm feeling pretty tired
Of all that has transpired

If even for a second
Your next words of choice
Were without a voice
I'd rejoice
luci sunbird Oct 2011
I would like to go live
In an Amish community
For a day or two
Just to see if my mood would improve
luci sunbird Oct 2011
The less I feel
The less I hate

The less I breathe
The less air I take

The less I see
The less I need
luci sunbird Oct 2011
I didn't know I was hurting you
I didn't know you cared
I guess because I'm bare
That makes me less aware

The walls are back
Locked up and barred
Thick metal shields surround me
luci sunbird Apr 2012
Perhaps I lost a part of myself…
         I feel like… I’m missing pieces of me.
Seems as though due to all my truth, I’ve turned into a lie
        I was once more hyper in my expression in life
Always ready for the next bit of innocent fun…
       Not the next night spent in a drunken blunder
Laid up under the covers as the sun rises
      And lashes out bright rays upon my chest
I just wonder
      Where did my pieces go?
May I recapture them...in another moment,
       In time?
Is it too late?
      I want to gain knowledge, and experience
As well as grow in myself, as I get older
      Not lose who I once was…to the years passing by
I hope to guide,
      My withering hands
To a far off land,
      A land that I can only recollect memories of in my dreams
That’s how extreme I want my life to be.
luci sunbird Dec 2016
You're missed, by me
If that wasn't clear today,
It should be

This aching,
the longing
it's awful
and it's been going
on for over a decade

Why did we have to be so young and dumb?
I hate that me

That me ******* up everything,
I know it wasn't truly all my doing

Life got in the way,
I had no idea of my true feelings
until it was far too late

You kept up the charade for longer than I could have
You had such patience,
that I am still in awe of

She's the lucky one now,
I've got a lifetime of memories that I'm sitting on,
while she's got you, physically
(It's not the best)
luci sunbird Oct 2012
One way or another
I'll fly like a bird
I'll get out of here
I'll land on my own perch

No one can catch me
I'm free

I won't leave a trail
I'll just disappear
For a while,
I may fly back
When the leaves change

Just know this,
One way or another
I'll fly like a bird
I'll get out of here

I'll be too far gone
To reach with a caw
The sound will not make it
To my young ears

I'll be gone
Too far out to see
With binoculars
luci sunbird Apr 2014
I feel like a demon
Put on Earth
To make you unclean

I am merely a face
A reflection of doubt
My surface tells nothing
My inner core
Is deeper than
The epicenter
Of the Earth

I won't lock you in
I'll just simmer at the top
Filling you to the brim
Never, never stop

-08.03.11
luci sunbird Jun 2015
I was rocking
back and forth,
up there in the tree
that hung its branches
right over the wishing well,
in the backyard
of this old abandoned home

I was thinking
of a time,
when it was just me,
I was alone

I had hopes and dreams,
of a bigger brighter moon
that I could reach for,
and achieve all that could be

And then I fell
from that tree,
I broke what hope I had,
I laid there for a while
as the breeze
took over the leaves

The sky clouded over
and it began to drizzle,
all over the flowers
that were next to me

They appeared as though,
they were writhing with pleasure
for the rain was helping them grow

The beauty,
and the stillness
back there beneath the trees
was wondrous,
the chilling calmness
wrapped around me
like a warm fire
on a fall evening

It was always hard
to leave that place behind

The world is so full of
the constant need for contact,
the tempting screens
showing us what we should be

It sickens me at times
when I want peace,
but the distractions consume me

The times I spent in that tree,
helped me to see what truly matters
in this life,
and it's not the comfort of the tv screen,
it's not the blaring of the radio,
it's not the brand names of useless things
it's not any of those things

Life is continuously growing around us,
and what are we doing,
but losing life in front of a screen,
forgetting what it all means
luci sunbird May 2012
Today's a day
Much like jumping off a ledge
Without a bungee cord tied 
In a boy scout's knot
Falling free
Ready to hit the ground
Pit of rocks
Breaking your fall
At the end
luci sunbird Jul 2015
You came here to show me your side,
I looked up at the sky
seeing a storm unfold,
surely it would break through soon

I could see that this wouldn't end well,
I would be soaked in remorse
as soon as you uttered those words

Those words,
shaped liked daggers
ready to split me in half

It was never good
when you would raise your voice,
shout at me
as if I were partially deaf,
or a simpleton

You were such a degrading
*******

I had no respect for you,
and you had zero for me

I could see the fire heating up,
behind those ****** **** eyes
that gazed at me
as though,
I were the devil incarnate

You were a melting block,
that nothing
and no one
could stop from burning

The hate,
the anger,
it boiled deep in you

It was like hell
was inside of you

Nothing I ever did
was just right,
and all you ever did
was fight
luci sunbird Mar 2013
You've struck a chord with me
One that is so loud I can't ignore

And I'm not sure
If it is cold hard reality
Or just what I choose to see

Perhaps the truth escapes me
A misperception that soon I'll perceive differently
It is hard to tell

I've never felt quite so alone
Empty inside myself

The one who I want
Too far from my grasp
Everyone else, lacking

This world is huge
Massive, just looking up at the clouds is astounding

I realize there are a million other human beings out there
A million other faces that don't make me feel amazed

Misery does not like to be alone
If I could hit a wall in my life
I've struck it hard
luci sunbird Oct 2011
I had a dream about you
Much like reality
We were in a room together
But we couldn't speak
People kept walking in
Interrupting us both
Frustration building up
I thought I would explode
But just briefly you looked up and smiled
And my angry thoughts went out the window
luci sunbird Oct 2011
My bones
Are brittle
Twisting
And crunching
Cartilage broken down
From years of age
Wear and tear
Causing them pain
Stretching and bending
Loss of balance
Sitting on a metal frame
Being pushed by winds and rain
luci sunbird Oct 2011
My caged heart
Makes no sound
But oh I can hear it move around
The constant treasures
Of your words
Make it thump like I've never heard

Hinting at your hopes
Hinting at your dreams
You haven't spoken a word with your mouth
I cannot grasp the quality that I see
And yet, it's not over for me
I walk around next to the endless sea
With my heart beating
Lonely behind bars
luci sunbird Oct 2011
As the morning sun
Rose up
and shined upon my face

I smiled
and giggled some

It was Saturday after all
With no work in place
I could be free
Of wasted sums
Worry none about who might come
And give me misery

No clocking in
No breaks today

Laying in the sand
Awaiting the end of the day

Watching men throw
The football around
Girls shivering
As the wind kicks up

Propping myself on my shoes
Looking out at the view

Negativity surrounds
Making me feel blue
This one is just a bunch of jumbled thoughts.
luci sunbird Apr 2021
You were never my safe place

You were the dew leftover
early in the morning,
on a brisk windy mountain
slick from storm the night before
asking me to fall over the edge
in my usual clumsy way

I was fooling myself from the start
Hoping you could be that safe place for me,
but you were never meant to be

You caused turmoil
and hate to boil up

I can't seem to forgive myself
for letting you get under my skin

09.13.16
luci sunbird Jan 2013
I must be losing my grip*
The love is flowing
Like a free reign hurricane
No barriers

It's like the New Orleans flood
This mess is destructive
luci sunbird Apr 2014
Don't waste your fears
Or your pain
On another man's bed frame

This frame has wear
From bloodshed
And fame

No life has been led the same

-10.21.11
luci sunbird Oct 2019
Those flirty seductive eyes
that you shine over at me
with that half smile
and those lips of yours,
so full and persistent,
looking for mine
as we rush to disrobe
and how you push me back
so you can ever so slowly
move your delectable tongue
down to do things
I didn't know were possible

It doesn't end there
not for a good while
the tease,
the amazing feeling of you
inside of me
it goes on and on
I can't get enough

Your long hard ****
fills me up to the point
that I want to scream
and then you become gentle
and you slowly,
push it all the way in
deeper and deeper
It's truly earth shattering,
legs shaking
I come for a second time

10.21.19
luci sunbird Oct 2011
Fishing for useless junk
Is the insecurity
To be oneself
True and true
The deeper meaning is
Hard to find
Hiding under that rock
30 feet down
Below the briskly blowing breeze
The swish and sway
Of the current of the Atlantic
In the light of the sunrise

Waves crashing
At the pier
Sharks circling their feast
It's all in a hard days work
Just breathe.
luci sunbird Oct 2011
For a beer in one hand,
I see a man cannot live without

Anxiety kept under wraps
A special need escaping out

All men they need
Attention that with they feed

Dying quietly inside
What men say often
Is not what they mean, or even need

Unclear of how dear
One woman can be to thee

Lost, but without fear
A man will win out

No woman can hear
The man as he wimpers near

Crying up to the sky
Succumbed by his pride

No passions
He falls to his knees

As if surrendering will
Help him rise to his feet
Without sacrifice of Love
Or Blood
luci sunbird Oct 2011
Locked up in a bubble
Of pain
For days
Fading for minutes
Then rushing back as if
The plague has hit the brain

One day a cure
Next day loss of hope
Lack of want for medication
Pills lack the healing effects
That nature instills in me

Smoke rings
Round and round
My head

Spider bite I fear
No feeling
Loss of movement
In my leg

Pain in my brain
Pounds more and more
As does the subwoofer
Turned on high, full bass

The crawling creature
With numerous legs
Is gone
Dead, smashed out of
Existence

Just as I am
In my lonely grave
Of pain
luci sunbird Apr 2014
Perhaps one day
We can start anew
Because boy,
I never imagined my life without you
Back when we were fifteen,
You were all that I dreamed
Could ever be

Over the years,
We've become separate,
But never have we forgotten
The love that we shared

-08.20.13
luci sunbird Oct 2011
Scabs of flesh
Laying on the bed
A rippling effect
Of blood
Pouring out of his head

Anymore loss
And he could end up dead

Screams of horror
From the child next door
In the chilling nightmare
That will haunt her
For many nights more
May the images leave her
Before she believes
That all life is made of gore
And she ends up a ***** *****

In the forthcoming years
She will grow to understand
It was just poor luck
That she happened upon
This ***** muck
luci sunbird Jul 2012
She is dripping 
With pretty hatred 
Her tears pour out 
Sinking her heart ship

No one notices
Her open mouth
Her need to cry out
No air 
Occupying her lungs 

Yet she jogs head first into 
The waves 
Not afraid to die young 

If only her love 
Could save her now

Her guy too mixed up
In worldly distractions 
Is no help to her,
Cause the fight she had left
He left on pause

Forever waiting...
luci sunbird Feb 2012
Push on
Keep pushing on
If you happen to break,
Call a tow truck to help you up

Push on before it's too late
Push on, this gas won't last all day

Brittle bones, they might hurt one day
Push on, before you are in your grave.
luci sunbird Mar 2013
When the book ends,
the movie ends,
the song ends,
everything is silent,
dead
life returns back to the quiet loneliness it's been.
luci sunbird Oct 2011
Tear drops on a ***** face
Mascara flowing down her cheek
Legs have gone weak

The element of surprise
is quite meek
luci sunbird Oct 2011
Recollecting the past
Can cause brief and subtle emotions
It can cause hardships to arise
There are also victories and surprise

Recollecting the past
Brings you back to present
Helps you respect what you have
And gives hope for what's left to explore
luci sunbird Apr 2021
Restless indeed
Never mind the sleep I need
I can't just lie here any longer
I need to get up
Move myself about
Make a change

2.22.21
luci sunbird Oct 2011
Disinfecting myself from the rays
These blotches I feel
Squeezing the liquid
Straining my arm
Lubing up the branches
Covering proximal to distal

Not quite transverse
Ten minutes
Dispense and rinse

Evil flowing down the drain
Plundering materials of blood lust
Soft spoken memoirs
Papers shredded
Covering the ground

Pictures explaining what words cannot
Hole in the corner
Blocking a figure from view

This figure portrayed in the very nightmares
I awake from with hasty revolts of sadness and angst
The very presence unnerving
luci sunbird Oct 2011
There is this girl I know
Who lost all her innocence 
When he proposed
He wasn't looking for commitment though 
Only looking to pop her rose
Also known as cherry liquid
That is exposed 
When her thighs are spread apart
Like a turkey on thanksgiving day
Everyone is just waiting to get a taste
luci sunbird Aug 2012
Just sweep your mind over here for a minute
Bring that dust bin too
I have some sin for you to commit
Let's have a look
Do you need that hook?
No bass is going to feed off that
Are you wishing for a cook?
I'm not your gal
I've not done much in life y'all
Just sat here and played ball in a cup
For long hours
Useless waste of time
I'll admit


What is there to do
For an old maid like me?
I've run dry
Like the Sahara
No rain cloud in sight

8.11.11
luci sunbird Oct 2011
All day I just want to lay
Here lonely,
With sad songs playing
Tears making the journey
To the ground
My stomach tight
No food in sight

Hurting is odd
Unlike me
All that I'm saying
Seems useless

There are no good excuses
This pain is ruthless
luci sunbird Jul 2012
The scars on your face
Are what I can't erase
From my mind

These scars have stood the test of time
No healing has been done
All that I see
Is what I run from
I found this in my junk pile.
luci sunbird Dec 2011
I have been sedated
For months 
Since that moment 
You ruined my trust 

I have been without 
Feeling or emotion 
Concerning this person, you
But now the sensations 
Are coming back, they are sporadic
I believe I cannot cope

I do not want to go back into my memories 
I do not want to think of all the good times 

I do not want to think about your warmth
And how you held me tight
Drove far so that you could see me
Just about every night 

I can remember easily 
The burden that your misgivings 
Were on me
The stress that I held up
The efforts that I wasted 

For nothing but a little loving
That according to you, 
I never returned
luci sunbird Nov 2011
I feel chaos
At your feet

I see blood
As you weep

Broken glass
A sodden lass

What a mess
OH, such a mess


Weren't you taught
How to tie your shoes
How to clean your feet
Scrub in between your toes

Weren't you taught
To not,
Speak to strangers?

*Don't you have a sense of danger?
luci sunbird Oct 2011
Glass shatters
As it hits the floor
Dad picks up the pieces
Of Mother's favorite glass
As their young daughter weeps
In the doorway
"You know, hon? It's okay."
His daughter looks up and nods

A few years pass, the daughter
Is sauntering out the door
Anger reverberating from her membrane
"Crash!!!" broken glass is heard
From inside of the house
Dad comes out, clearly enraged
The daughter feels herself boiling over, but frozen at the sound
She finds herself explaining what just occurred
Back window of the vehicle, destroyed
Long ride to school, not a sound in the car, but the air swishing through the back door

The difference in appearance
Young child, adult's patience
Young adult, adult's lack of compassion

Uprooting the girl year after year
Cries of despair floating through the house
Quieting when she fears someone is near
Alone in a home where each room is filled
Lashing out at friends who stay in contact
Folding to parent's demands
And holding regrets years later...
This girl is shattered
luci sunbird Feb 2015
There is a sad, sad girl
Named Eliza Jane
Who is full of pain
She cries buckets of tears at night
That no one can hear
But she feels them
The sobs cascade upon her
Like a massive wave
That crashes her deeper
And deeper into the darkness

She feels she is drowning
She can't take much more
The pain is too great

There is a man that lays next to her
Consumed in his own dreams
He sleeps calmly
And easily
While she weeps

Her resolve during daylight
Is a huge masquerade
She keeps a smile on her face for the public eye
But when the lights go dim
Her heart breaks softly
Night after night  

She doesn't feel loved,
Not by him

If only someone could take her away, she breathes
If only someone could love her the right way, she dreams

Dec.2014
luci sunbird Jul 2012
Your face is a rose petal.  Your kisses make me bloom
luci sunbird Jun 2015
Whenever I used to wander
away from home
as a child

I would look up at the sky
as I sat by the gravestones,
in this quiet dome

My home space,
I was never sad
never alone

Just at peace
with nature,
and the dead

I wondered,
I did
about the tombstones
made of wood
just blank, baring no names
no flowers on those graves

It was sad,
so I did a very dangerous thing

I borrowed flowers from
the new plot
that was recently laid

There was an abundance of flowers,
for this man who had been slain

I felt he could share with the poor,
Whose tombstones bore no name

It was my innocence
that made me do this terrible thing

Steal from the dead,
I had meant no harm

At that time,
I was simply unaware
of rich or poor

I had simply meant to balance
the flower score
edited, 2.22.16
luci sunbird Apr 2021
One day you'll find the one
And I'll be a sitting duck
Waiting for scraps the tourist leave

I always thought you were a fling
That you weren't right for me

04.14.21
luci sunbird Oct 2011
There are some things that you say
That I would never say
There are some things that you pray
That I would never pray
Maybe one of these days
You will realize we are not the same
And then there will be no one to blame
When we go insane
luci sunbird Feb 2013
There is a man,
A man that I knew as a boy

We grew up as one,
For so long we were together
We were inseparable

Now, he is a man
He is passionate
And driven

As we were,
He never made me want for more
I had no needs left unfulfilled
He completed me

Until one day
We were torn apart,
Not by choice

The distance ruined us as young

This was my only broken moment

It wasn't when I was abused,
It wasn't when I was cursed at

It wasn't when I was afraid for my life
It wasn't when I was choked by a very violent man

It was only when the separation began
That is when the confusion set in

So young, and so in love
Yet told to branch out
Told not to hold on

And now,
Still we are separate
The distance consumes us

Yet here we are
Still expressing our love
luci sunbird Nov 2014
I had an inappropriate dream of you last night
You with your tattoos
The fiery passion
That you exude
The desire that you had for me
It's as though I never stopped lusting for it
St. Patrick's day will never be the same
The way you ****** me up against that wall
No one knew
It was our little secret
I loved it
luci sunbird Feb 2013
These tears are a basket of lies
Just meant to disguise
All the hatred inside

The hopelessness
The fear
It's all right here

I'm holding it near

These tears
Are unbecoming
For a young lady
Fully fit to provide young

With her well rested
Birthing hips
She could provide well
For a man wishing to continue his name

She cries in the corner
But it's okay

This is a man's game
Women are just the pawn
luci sunbird Oct 2011
I want to breathe easy
Lean on you
Be carefree and young

It was definitely exciting
And fun

Never a dull moment
No one could stop us

We ran freely around the trees
Stomped our feet
At defeat

We couldn't be stopped
Our love was ongoing

My weakness showed
And the plunge was unending
luci sunbird Oct 2011
There are days
Where I write
About the feelings that fade
About the discoveries that I've made

The times I've dwelled for far too long
On empty souls
That pass by me

I've pounded at this mighty brick wall for quite a while
With my fists
Hoping it would budge
My knuckles are busted
My chest burns
Sweat trickles down my chin
And still,
The wall stands tall
Proud, and stubborn
Not likely to fall

There are days
Where I write
Just to put my mind at ease

There are days
Where I write
Outside in the breeze

There are days
Where I write
That
The wall
Falls to my feet
Crumbling much like me
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