I once wrote a millions songs about you
I stopped
I thought if I did I will erase you from my memory
I havent forgotten you
But not in a good way
The way you left and I crumbled away
I will always regret
Letting you in and feeling sorry for the way you were hurt cause you didnt care that I was hurting as well
I treated you like I never have anybody else
And still you chosed to walk away
Leave your ring behind
You said you'd come back to get it
That was september 2023
We never spoke again
You never reached out
You left me broken
You left me like you never cared
And that hurt like hell
I was selfless, I cared
I gave you everything I had
And still that wasnt enough for you
Now. I cant open up
I want to be alone
And now I understand
The person who hurt you did no wrong

Keep doing your thing
Say no again
All over again
It hurts now but it will be better eventually
Always say no
This isnt worth it
Everything wil work out
Just say goodbye
My heart will cry
You cant do this to her
You cant do this to love
It hurts either way
Everything will be okay
Just forget about him today
And do it tomorrow agaun
Im sorry I have sinned but I wont go to hell
I will stay
I will fade away

Im not a good gal
I want what I cant have
I lust after that
There's nothing I want more than to see you again
I know Im not yours but I wish I were
My heart doesn't care about what you did last month or a year ago
My mind only knows that this needs to stop
But I cant say no
I cant walk away
I'm so addicted like a ****** on *******
And I hate myself for this
I wish I was stronger and true
But Im just a beggar like you

Have you ever wanted someone so bad, you forgot who you were?
Forgive yourself once more
Life is more than you know
I write all these words
Forget about sociopaths, so long
Now It makes sense
I never left
I never let you go
Now I understand
I need to love myself

How do you fight your own battles
Do you tell yourself you are capable of anything?
I dont think Im good for much
I have these thoughts about not being perfect enough
How do I turn them off?
When can I be me without feeling so guilty?
I struggled as a kid with my own self
And now I feel the same things that I did back then
I feel unwanted, and no matter how much I write
Those feelings don't go away
How do you heal one's self?
How do you care for yourself?
How do you stop fighting with your brain?
All these questions
Does someone know?
Am I just helpless on my own?

You said I was special and like no one else
But you lied
You said you didnt loved her and you lied again
I feel so hurt by your lies
I dont get how I get mistreated if I wasnt the one who cheated?
How am I suppose to believe in you?
How can. I TRUST people again?
I dont wish you die but I hope you get what Karma has for you
Hurting good people just cause you were hurt before
Makes a bad person, my love

Once again you pushed me away
When will I learn to stay in my place?
Dealing with loneliness and fear
You are not one to call dear
I just want to be close to you but you dont want me there
How can I be so obssessed with someone who doesnt care?
Im feeling tired and burned out
I feel like Im dead
When will I learn to let go of these feelings?
When will I move on?
It doesnt hurt you to see me sad
You just get mad
You are the worst person I fell for
How can I get over you?
When you feed on my betrayal and hurt my truth?
I never learned that those who hurt you are no good

No one wants a sad girl
I just hide and curl
No one wants to see me cry
Or complain about life
I see  people happy I wonder what that is like
To live in the moment
From time to time
I dont like to be alone
But alone I find myself
Living and wishing I was someone else
I was born like this, I remember as a child
Being alone and always saying goodbye

I feel like I fail all the time in life
My relationships dont work
My agenda wont get full
I am just a joke

I'm sorry I've let you down
Im not as strong as I should be
I'm fighting my own battles
Trying to not take things personal
But I fail each time
I let my guard down
I dont limit myself and others
I'm a mess
But I keep trying everyday
Even though it never seems to get better
Somedays are good and some days are blue
But Im trying each day
I hope I can learn to love myself
To hold myself in high standards
Wait for it
I know you go this, my dear

I dont wanna be like this
Overthinking every thing
I wanna be careless and free
But I cant let go of certain things
Obssesing thoughts
Running in circles in my mind
Picking the bad guys
I need to stay grounded
I need to let go of the past
I need to let people be
I cant live like this
I feel like Ill never be happy
That nothing is enough
I cant get rid of my anxiety
I need drugs to stay sane
I need more things to live and survive
My life is not enough
I close my heart to anyone I know
I cant sleep at night
My heart is shattered
I dont know what to do with myself

I was happy
I was stable
I met someone who made me laugh
And I woke up
None of it was true
Im all alone
No one to hold
No one to carry my burdens for me
I tried carrying yours because I know what It feels like to carry them on your own
Reality sets in
Im afraid
I wont get to see my dreams come true
It doesnt matter what you do you wont get the same in return
Someone will always take your place
You're not special
Your house doesnt feel like a home
Each day you question your worth
Am I good enough? Am I worthy of love?
I cant carry on living
I might as well just shut down
Time flies
My worries dont
They stay with me until I cry myself to sleep
Heaven is a place I dont belong

Some days I feel fine, like the world is alright
Summer time is my jam
But my feelings I cannot tell
They are not the same each day
Somedays I dream of them
And my love is not defined by what you say or by how you act
But by the level of rejection that you provide
Im filled with traumas and feeling unkind
My heart is huge but this love it shuts down with time
I get bored I cant unwind but when we are apart I just dont feel fine

I wish I had a son and a daughter
So I could teach him how to always care for eachother
I never had that
Felt rejected since birth
My sister grew up and stayed away from me
Now being alone is all I see
Those relationships made me unwell
But now I can do what I can and help who I can
Change is always good but the chance must be in you
Leave those worries behind
Just enjoy whoevef you have in your life

I'm asking that you give the same in return
The same love I give with all the passion that I know
I just see promises burned
You surely have a group of friends that you can count on
But when you are feeling weak, you reach out to me
But when I'm feeling alone, you don't call at all
I've always felt rejected since I was a toddler
By you, by everyone I know
Now, as an adult, the same feelings
I don't know how to deal with rejection
It's like I can't get passed it
That I'm never the one to call
I'm never that person you want to spend your time with
My heart is shattered, I feel so alone
I just wanted, a sister, a brother, a lover to call my own

This Sunday is my demise
Alone in the dark
No one to call my own
Just expectations from people
Just requirements of help
My heart is shattered
I hate Sundays, I really do
It reminds me I'm not for you or for anyone
I keep trying to do good
I don't deserve anything at all
I came into this world to suffer
I came to this life to pay
This feeling of emptiness that doesnt go away
I see the moon, and I see myself alone out there
Asking for help
But no one hears me, no one can see me
I'm all alone in my shell
Waiting for someone to save me
But no one comes
No one is there
I eat some ice cream
I drive around
And my heart beats faster than the speed of light
I don't know what else to do
Life is meaningless, Life is blue
For some people like me and you

Who am I suppose to be? Not free
Not loved or without pain
Just a recklace soul with a troubled mind
And peace is nowhere to find
How come this world is only good for some?
How come I dont get a light on the road?
Just steping stones
Cast a rock at the cross
Till death due us part
My death is unknown until I can resist
My life and the hardships
Just know I did my best to let go

Can people let me say whatever I want?
Can I just write without any judgement on your part?
This is therapy for me
I just express what my heart wants
Its not to hear a reply or for you to give me advice
I know what my flaws are
I know I need to help myself
But can you just stop commenting your thoughts?

Esta distancia me deja una marca
Una herida punzante
Y los meses pasan y el amor florece
Y mi cuerpo te pide a voces
No se como olvidarte si mi hobby es recordarte
Me siento como una niña tonta
Deseando que vuelvas pero a donde?
Tener miedo de encontrarte
Estoy de amarte es lo mas grande
Espero perdondarme
Por dejarte entrar tan adentro
Por permitirte tomar de mi pelo
Todo el dia lloro y me desvelo
Y creo superarte
Cuando llega un recuerdo vuelvo a llorarte
No espero cambiarte ni me trates como antes
Solo espero algun dia de mi mente borrarte

Being in love feels like a slow death
Like our lives going to shreds
This heavy breathing feels as if life has no meaning
I hope I don't sound so depressed
I swore I'd never write about you, I swore I would forget
I kept myself busy, but all pain was still there it never went away
And I'm missing you like crazy
I wrote this stuff on my phone, It reminds me of all the things you did that hurt me, but still with that info on my mind
I can get lost in time
Thinking about the memories we left behind
Cliche? oh well, Love is a nuisance
Thousands of words I've written about you
Then erased each and every one of them
I thought you didn't deserve my words, my tears,
My sleepless nights
But I need this
I need to write it down
The hidden treasures of your hugs
The way you held me, I was never held like that before
I don't know if I'm in love with the idea of love
Because loving you feels like a hoax

This hollow sensation feeling so numb
When will this pain be gone?
Afternoons on a Sunday welcomes my demise
Chillin on a Friday makes my heart stop
Will this misery last forever?
Only happiness meets joy
When lonely people dissipate their minds in the club
I don't wanna feel endless and empty
I wanna feel whole again
At least once, at least tonight
Just for a moment

Is happiness a state of mind? It's hard to find
Open yourself to the trees of life
The earth is here at your sight
Welcome peace and be alive
You only need yourself this time
It's you, who you've been looking for
Please raise your voice while you sing that song
Forget about your blues
Today is what you have
Overthinking, my ***
Learn to enjoy what you have

I want to tell you, that you are valued and you are true,
You try your hardest to be this woman that has no clue
Please know you are loved
And understand that things will turn out in the end
No matter how many people turn you down
You still got yourself and that is all that counts
Always look up at the sky
Remember its okay to cry
Keep treating yourself like you are special
And help me welcome a new space in your heart
Where the only one who matters is you, my love

With upcoming Christmas and fall
comes these headaches
They wake me up, they tear me down
I never seem to get rid of them
They get stronger and stronger with time
There's no cure, just a painful sunrise
Not trying to be a victim here, but you feel so alone
No one understands, only a few will experience them
I long for the day where I don't get to feel like I do every day
At least I wish, I had someone by my side who would hold and tell me everything will be alright
Life is hard, it gets harder
My eyes hurt, I feel sick,
I feel vertigo and chills
And no one knows how to stop them
I just accept this hollow ride
My dear migraines
Don't leave me here to die

In this moment, I want to stay
Grasping every breathe
Developing a sense of self
That right now Its all I crave
Not needing to depend
On a person or a thing
You should take care and let me
Be the best that I can be
Please help me keep this memory forever
Tomorrow might be gone and in the past I dont belong
Should I stay or should I go?
In mind there is no stillness , just hope
That these forever thoughts would leave me alone

They seek me, they hungry for change
Bloodsucking pervs
In love with my veins
Destroying my life
They come with lies
And they will always want a yes
They wanna win or they rather die
They think I will not cry but If I do they don't mind
I don't know what it is about me
They hunt me until they succeed.

I keep waking up at 4m
I don't know how, I don't know when
My life got this way
I'm constipated again
Anxiety keeps kicking in
I'm holding back the tears
I'm tired , oh dear
I don't know what I did in the past life to deserve this
Sometimes I don't wanna live
4 am, can you please tell me what's going on?
Can you please show me the meaning of this world?
Why can I just accept this cortisol?
4 am, you're being poetic but I'm not in love
So why can you just wait until my alarm goes off?

I'm not a doctor, I'm not a wife
I'm not a mother, I never received those flowers at night
You said you love me but you lied
You don't know what love is
No, you're not afraid to lose me, no you did not cry
But when I told you I would tell her, you said you wanted to die
I don't have any money, we shared so many things
But in the end, it's not enough for you dear
I'm always fun, I'm always kind, I always help anyone I can
I know my value but for some reason, no one wants that
I was never chosen, no one ever picked me, I'm always a sidekick
I'm tired of heartbreaks, of picking the wrong guys
I'm finally saying goodbye to you all
All the people that hurt me and are still in my life
I know I'm strong, I know I'll get through this
I beg you universe, I've learned my lesson
I'm tired of crying of acting like a fool
Please bring me someone that's cool
I dont want nothing at all, I just want to not hurt so much

I want to write about joy
I want to remember how I felt weeks ago
I want to be thankful
But why does this feel so painful?
Why cant I see rainbows?
Life is so beautiful but we always focus on the pitiful
My heart and my soul feel alone
But I wanna find peace on my own
Not thinking about what Im lacking
Or comparing myself with the masses
I wanna call happy my home
I want to leave these anxious thoughts
And start meditating more
And exercise a bunch
Today I cried but tomorrow I want to kiss the sky

Woke up with anxiety in my bed
I can't leave my fears for dead
I keep thinking about things I don't have but I want
I keep thinking about being lonely instead
I wanna be positive and feel like the rest
I wanna be happy and joyful
But my thoughts won't leave me
They won't go
I wanna enjoy this vacation I wanted for so long
I need to exercise more
To in the present moment
But I have my energy underground
My piercing won't work
My headaches are saying hello
Life is hard but some people have it worse
Why can I just be thankful, oh Lord?!

It's tough to feel this pain
Without any reason or someone to explain
I lie awake thinking it was my mistake
I come to dream the daith will heal my head
But for some reason today I got a migraine
It seems to help everyone but myself
Should I be paying this, is it my fate?
I feel like there's a spell somewhere
I'm damaged, my friend
And on this sleepless night
I cry, I dont wanna fell like a victim
But Im tired of trying, of surviving
Of being in pain and trying to hide it
And people dont understand when I explain
I feel so alone again

I try to shut the demons that cry
I try to make you feel safe
I try to manifest that you are okay
But it never seems to help
I have done reiki, meditation, and more
Still, you feel like you don't deserve anything at all
I'm tired of living with your shadow
Since I can't control that you are so shallow
Please help me figure out what is it that you want
How can I heal this heart of mine
That you are so attached
I can't disconnect from you or the past
I wish I could turn back time
To prevent the feeling when you felt like you needed to die

I remember as a kid you suffered a lot
You pushed me away
I thought you hated my guts
You said I wasn't good enough
I felt like that for a while
Little did I know those feelings stayed with me till this age
Now, I can only accept crumbs from people that don't deserve me
Mom, I forgive you because you didn't know better
You just expressed the anger that you felt
I wanna learn how to love myself
And feel valuable again
I know you've changed
I know you want the best for me
I need to let the past go and this is the reason I write you this poem

I play this music and it brings me something
Something that I cannot find in the silence
The void that I'm feeling tastes like misery
The missing people, the broken feelings
This sorrow might be gone tomorrow
But today is all I have and I feel hollow
I got things going on but I still hear nothing
That sound, that moment in time
Feels like iron in my mouth
Then I think it's all in my mind
These thoughts I hide
Another day, another hardwired pessimistic outlook on life
Please, let it all be gone any time soon
I wanna feel the music and I want to hear the birds singing in tune
I want it all, I wanna be free.

I was only 16 and I had seen you once more with your fist on my mom.
Such a macho thing to do, such a savage
With no remorse you beat her up
I had nowhere else to go, I wasnt going to hide in the closet no more
I felt that I needed to defend my mom
I said, "please stop!" But you ran towards me with rage and attacked me also.
You hit me hard but not hard enough
I still remember that day as the tears fall down from my face
I thought I had let this go
I thought I was okay since you called the next day and said what you regret
You could barely speak, your voice was broken
I forgive you ,I do
I dont know what you went through, that made this you.

I forgive you for growing up and leaving me behind
For being so cool you dont wanna hang out
I want you to forgive me too for the times I've let you down
All the shows and the drunken times
You have this bad memory cause you wanna forget all the abuse you experienced as a child
The only reason you were born was to be my friend
I asked for a sister, I was all alone
I know we don't see eye to eye
But I wish you'd call me to say hi
Not because you need me like the other guy
I feel used sometimes
But I forgive you once more and remember you're not alone
I went through the same things you did
I have the same struggles, my dear.

I cant believed you cared about how far I went
I cant believe you made a joke about everything I said
I dont understand the efforts you made
If my pants got ***** you didnt care
I kept over thinking these things in my head
Like a movie, like a story that never ends
But today is sunday and I still care
We never went fowards
We only went backwards
You said you didnt want trouble
Eventually i'll become a memory
This conection that felt so real
Wanting to move up but holding on instead
But you brought confusion
I sent you a video and a song
You never had time for them
Was it all in my head?
What went wrong started again
Its stupid I know, I only think about her

I feel terribly wrong
The moon doesn't shine
the planets are not aligned
My stomach sinks and I can't control
my heartbeat
Overclouded and no rain
Just a bunch of flying mistakes
I can't stay still, my feet run when I sleep
Courageous, I've been called
But murmurs of weakness I hear
And I feel like death is near
where can I find peace?
Where the leaves are colored
And the sea is aqua blue and the sun's rays are sharp
This palace is my solitude
This feeling is my prison
I can't escape it nor calm it down
It's tied to my veins

Heartbeat doesn't skip a beat
Remember I'm trying my best to not carry the weight
Don't think I don't care about your health
Please don't beat like the speed of light
I just wanna hide these feelings inside
I've been looking for help
Don't know what else to do
But please go back to your normal rhythm
I can't take it if you are not okay
I'll try to be calm and handle my thoughts
Ill the exercises like my doctor said
Please don't accelerate
This is not a race
I'm not in danger
I'm just stressed.

I gave you my whole soul
You gave me your broken pieces
You took a loan, you never paid it
It hurts to see you don't keep your word
Hello and goodbye that's all we ever say to each other
Please keep your promises or I'll die
Once and for all, please leave those vices behind
I keep holding on the past where you left me on the floor crying
Even if you said you were sorry, I keep it all inside
My head hurts today, and tomorrow and forever
I wanna cry cause it heals
My heart is so broken, I don't even know
I know life is short, but these emotions keep afloat
I can barely breathe, God, show me the way to heal
otherwise, I don't know how to live

This love is endless
The whirlwind that began
The sorrow that never left
I can't accept this kind of love
It breaks my heart and soul
I can't see clearly the road
I'm obsessed with this Venom of love
It's all the toxicity that I don't want
But that I know
You won't change me, I won't change you
We won't see what's in front of our eyes
Should I respond to your sorry's?
Or should I cry to myself at night
leaving behind this pain that tucks me in at night
My heart knows nothing
I can't trust it,
who will guide me through with this veil?

I clung to you, no matter how many fights we had
I know we aren't right for each other
But I didn't want to let you go, I wanted to take on whatever you gave to me
I thought this was true love, but from moments I had my doubts about you went back and forth
But the thought of missing you was stronger than a fort
We have so many things in common, I cherish your goodwill
But something was off, I knew it from the start
Was it your lack of concern, your critical words or even how you never watched the reruns?
We tried, we longed, we had enough time to decide if this was gonna work out.
I saw your insecurities from afar and I also saw mine.
Is it impossible for us to find common ground?
You were spontaneous, but I love to make plans
I feel bad to cause you  suffering but I tried
We just weren't on the same side
I hope I can let you go because I never loved you at all
You were probably right not to trust me cause I never brought you home

I was okay, and all of a sudden You hit my head
The weird thing is I think I don’t have a self-steam
And all this love for you is so genuine I don’t even care you didn’t treat me right
Wishful thinking that you would show up somehow with a million roses and balloons and tell me that you love me and can’t live without me  But that sure isn’t happening.
It’s over and It happened so soon. My head is in the clouds, I need my heart somewhere up there to, so this pain doesn’t feel so real.
Everyone says is for the best, he wasn’t the one. Why doesn’t my heart believe that?
I don’t remember the I love you’s on your voice. The last thing you said was that you wanted to be friends, I can’t not now, maybe not ever. Sure, maybe someday. I’m friendly with that ex that I swore I would never talk to ever again.
It’s been almost two weeks since I said goodbye and I just wonder when will the sun come out for me? When will there’ll be no more pain?
I want to remember the bad things, like those times you disappeared for days and didn’t say hello, you were so selfish to let go, while I was sobbing waiting for you to come home.
I think you wanted me gone and were doing all this to push me away. To find a way to get rid of me was treating me like ****.
Now, I am gone, alone.  Alone again, alone.
It’s so easy for people to fall in love, not me, and not with me.  I never heard you say those words.
Why am I so hard to love? I try to be a good person, to help people, to love people and I just don’t get the same in return.

Cuando el amor se acaba
Lo siento en mis venas
Cuando te alejas,
Me duele la hiel
Si no te sofoco , no peleo
Pero si me alejo, me rendí
Quien entiende el amor
Cada cual siente lo que siente no hay razón
No me importa las veces que me has roto el corazón
Solo se que sin tu amor
Me provocan sentimientos
Quiero pelear por ti,
Pero ya tu fuego se apago
Ahora me toca decir Adiós,
Hasta luego a este efímero amor
Sin explicación, sin perdón
No esperaba esta reacción , de conocerte
y sentir lo que siento
Espero que estés bien
Que encuentres tu mitad
La mía ya no se donde esta.

My eye hurts
Just like your distance
Feeling trapped in my mind
Cant even tell you that I don't feel alright
My bad thoughts eat my good thoughts
And this headache, oh my.
When will someone love me like this?
I hide in the darkness of my room
I can't even see the moon
Perpetual feelings of loneliness
I want to feel like I belong
At least in your world
I need me to survive
Keep me close so I don't die
Maybe tomorrow, Ill feel alright
Or maybe this battle is lost , because It never begun.

Can I leave this earth?
I find no meaning for it
No logical explanation of why I'm here
Suffering all the time
No one that loves me I find
Can I disappear or get lost?
Patience is no virtue of mine
Why am I in pain all the time?
Can I leave this world behind?
I take the stairs and climb the trees
I want to be happy, I just don't know how

Love shouldn't be this callous
I've never cried so much in my life
You celebrate the lies, I scorn the Trust
Teach me a lesson and break my soul
Sounds like a plan
Go ahead, be cold and distant
I can take all the punches
I hate to say goodbye
But you just love to see me cry
Is that the way you think it should be?
You can never hurt somebody so many times
That instead of holding on, they let you go.

I shout out to the mountains that I long to see you
You're out there by the river with your headphones
I bring you gifts but they get lost in the mail
I cry out for you, but you never come
I miss you, I miss you, but you dont miss me
You don't want me,
I hate it, I hate it, Are you telling me to go?
Why arent you honest like before?
I think about you every moment
But is it worth it?
You tell me you want to see me and then push me away
Are you playing games?
And if you are can you tell me which game it is , so I can
play it too?
I dont play games but Ill do it for you.

All the love in the world
I give to you
You turn your heart away
You say no to my advances
and desperate pleas
I want to find love, but love
Doesnt want to find me
It breaks my heart that you dont feel the way I do
Im soaked in tears for you
I tell myself Im worthy of it all
But not worthy of you
This is my goodbye surprise
I hope you come back
But if you dont I'll move on

No turning back now
I asked for space and the Universe
You wanted to draw me close
I couldnt handle this Love that grew
It was stronger than a Tsunami
and Just as Damaging
Picking fights since the beginning
I decided to let you go , and you said I love you
You wanted to be there but I waited till
I was alone cause I didnt want you so close
Everyone says I should let you go
But I'm in love.
No turning back from this feeling that has no meaning
I will let you go, on my terms and I dont know if the time is now.
I keep telling myself you arent for me
But my heart keeps telling me please dont let him go.
But now you've found someone new.
Maybe She's better for you
Maybe she'll take care of you