And even the night's brightest star couldn't pierce the darkness that surrounds my heart.
With every beat my heart grows faint,
and the darkness devours just a little bit more of my love.
So maybe,
you could love me quickly
because before I go I would love to know that my heart beats for something other than to indicate that I'm still here
...alone.

Heart Break
Silent
Your mind runs through what happened
trying to understand where you lost control
when you very well may have not had it at all
you seek deep within to discover what had captivated you
yet your heart does not speak
you know very well its not complete
he’s claimed a piece for himself, and tossed it aside.

Your stuck trying to understand exactly how something like love could be abused
because throughout it all
its as though he was amused
carefully manipulating your heart to complete his hidden agenda
now you’re trying to find someone you once were
the after photos show a salvaged version, hardened by the pain he inflicted.

You think you’ve lost qualities that were apparent
You haven't they’re just lying beyond a door entitled, “The me you’ll never see”
and it hurts you more because you think it shows people you’re weak
when in reality you’re just individual
and believe me sweetheart people wanna tear that apart
because conformity equals normality and you’re just not a **.

On the case of “him” or “what used to be”,
he gave you happiness beyond belief so there was little reason to say no.
until a stampede of words reached your core and you had no choice but to let go
Thankfully,
time heals the deepest wounds
in this case you’re ensnared in a quicksand of memories that remind you of mistakes
and the sooner you accept them and stop struggling
the better chance you’ll have of escaping and recovering.

Worthless... Average... Not You.
You deserve more than what you give yourself credit for.

Much Love,
Jimmy Desire

I wouldn't have said it before if I didn't mean it
It'll take a lot for me to leave you in this life
and I know I act in ways that frustrate you
but thats only because it's so hard to face you
I want to fix things though,
it's killing me how are relationship now
so I'm asking you for a chance for redemption
to say I'm sorry.


A Plead For Change
Only if sorry meant something to you anymore
Maybe we could start anew
I would respect you as my friend,
Flaws and all
So that you could speak to me unconditionally
And trust you with my heart again
I’m not even sure where I stand in your eyes
One word responses being the only response
Reminds me of a time where I acted the same
I was hurt and I tried letting it go,
But it clung on and wouldn’t disperse
We got over it then
And unless you completely hate what I’ve become
We can do it again
Now I really want to try,
I want to be able to put my arm around you and say
“Wassup Bud?”
I’ve got to admit, a main reason why I cared so much before
Was because I loved you too much to lose you
And that is still the same
But the only thing that changed is
I’m not willing to love someone that isn’t interested in me
So if we reconcile things, I’ll leave my heart in the past
I’ll love you like I always had but I just won’t cross the line
I just want to be a friend to you again,
Please let me be the person you know I could be
It’s difficult but I could try to do it
For you… and me
Because from what I believe,
You would think the same.
-James Desire
Thursday, April 21, 2011//1:28

Practice takes patience
and patience takes practice
figuring out who you are takes that and a compass
nothing as simple as asking,
rather, much more like searching
for the smallest details that makes you, you.
Self-exploration
and in the case of others,
no longer are we searching
but rather waiting for pathways to open
connections are made with everything that we learn
but that takes time, dont rush the process
dont get anxious or nervous
just express your intrest
you see thats how friendships are made and relationships develop
you see time takes patience,
and patience takes practice.

As I Hold You In My Arms Part 2 - One Night
James Desire

-“Situations will arise in our lives but we gotta be smart about it”- Usher Raymond - U Don't Have To Call

One Last Time...

Now its getting late
the DJ makes an announcement - “This is the last dance”
All throughout the night
they found each other through a similar melody
and its strange because before tonight, they couldn't fall on the same path
it seemed as though there was no remedy.
He searched through the crowd once more
and saw her standing with a friend
extended his arm, so that they may share one last dance.

Its as if they knew it would end this way...
They’re eyes spoke,
his pupils, his hands, his heart
trembled in anticipation
as she graciously accepts his invitation
and he took her hand
whose warmth calmed his fear
reassuring him,

He held her close as he always did
and she lay her head upon his chest
listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat
for he was lost for words
and it seemed absurd
for he had what he wanted within his reach
Yet he couldn't act the way he expected to
As these thoughts ran through his mind
he felt her grip tighten breaking his concentration
as to remind him that this moment was theirs to share
and that he should recollect himself and enjoy it here
because wandering in a cluttered mind
he couldn't possibly find
the answer that stood before him

-As all this occurred the chorus plays-
“And if I ever
(ever fall)
in love again,
I will be sure that the lady is a friend
And if I ever
(ever fall)
in love so true,
I will be sure that the lady’s just like you...”

As they danced they recited these words together
as if it were a promise...

Then it all clicked
and finally he found the courage to press his lips against her neck
slowly kissing each portion of her delicate skin until he reaches her face
He pauses,
knowing that if he acts he can’t turn back
so he chooses a path
and instead of embracing her
he holds her in his arms for the duration of the song
thinking that it wouldn't matter if it was him or not...

It was just one kiss,
it was just another night,
and it meant the world to him,
there was no reason to ruin that
but he regrets it...
he should have taken the risk
a beginning of a long line of regrets
but he finally realizes when opportunity knocks on your door
**** the gun back,
let your presence be known,
and pull the trigger...
Bang!
How hard was that?

Play your part
Practice your art
Create your distance
And watch her back arch
Fluidity in your charm
But your doubt stunts you
Pessimistic thoughts haunt you
And when it all seems to be going well your mind gets to racing
Better yet estimating when your luck will end…
Coy and timid you seem to set limits to what you can do
Shame because that’s the point where you really start to lose
It’s your path to choose
Continue to on this gentlemanly cruise second guessing every move
Or pull the trigger and just take action
No thoughts required just fire.
If she worth it, don’t overthink it
Embrace it.

Calm Before The Storm
-Jimmy Desire

The mist from the rain continues to linger on
I can’t seem to see what’s far beyond,
My reach…
I listen and can no longer hear your name
Forcefully,
The thunder roared
It called out in pain
Tears from the heavens flood the world again
Eventually sunshine soothes the rain
He reminds her that he’ll always be back again
So flood the world with sorrow once more
And I’ll make it shine again...

A little love for me,
A little love for me,
Can’t you see that’s all I really need?
A prideful soul searches quietly
Through a world overrun by women
Who no longer hold pride as a priority
Shame but I suppose that’s why I search so diligently
Raised by the melody of R&B;
A group with a burning passion for their art
Had caught my attention and left an impression on my young mind
And in time, I believed in the kind of love they described
A little something like,

“I’ll Make Love To You
Like you want me to
And I’ll hold you tight
baby all through the night…”
Yeah maybe a little ******
But at such a young age who was I to know
I believed it though,
The power of a woman giving you so much happiness
That you must indeed shower her in love
Then another melody had reached me
It hit me suddenly like,

“My whole life has changed,
Since you came in, I knew back then
you were that special one,
I’m so in love, so deep in love.”

This man Ginuwine was genuine in the way he described this
He found love and then grabbed it
She made him feel whole,
A mate for his soul
A woman that I’m dying to get home to and hold
To settle down with and confine in
The one I will raise our child with
Just to demonstrate the love that is sure to grow through all the years
Foolish I suppose but you must believe
That this message is sincere
From the bottom of my heart
Or rather than inner depths of my core
To the girl that I do not yet know
Let the record show
This is for you.

Truly yours,
Desire

You are quite the looker sweetheart.
tonight I wanted to take a moment to tell you
that you deserve to be treated like a princess,
held like a jewel
and ****** like the little ***** no one knows you are.
if only they knew, they'd be rushing for you.
alas,
the world is filled with the type of women who spread their legs
whenever the heat just so happens to get the best of the moment.
but you're heart longs for more,
& although your body may say yes,
the little tick tock in your chest will not rest.
you see it longs for love...

Truly Yours,
Desire

Fragile

-James Desire



Your heart

A Flower

Ever so delicate

Takes time to bloom

In your case

It takes time to love

Or time to fall out of it

Even if you don’t want to

It might be for the best.



Your tears,

Trickle down your face

It breaks my heart

To see someone so beautiful

So strong

Sad and desperate for hope

Your eyes,

Become pregnant with the drops of your sorrow

Each drip

Echo’s louder than the last

You long for the sun

For with it she can express the spirit that has lie dormant

The sound of her voice

Although she may not realize it,

Brightens the day of many

Her smile emits the same cure

It’s a gift and a curse,

For she helps others

But feels diminished, empty

Her heart has infected her mind,

She follows its direction

Not realizing,

She is now impaired



Understand,

Your friends and I care,

Because you have shown that you do.

I’ve learned,

That the pain of a heart from another

Can be difficult to recover

But, possibly,

Together we can learn and grow

Because difficult isn’t impossible

Maybe,

Finally,

Conquer the sorrow that drowns us both

Reach a reality that once was a dream

A dream…

Happiness

Its strange because time and time again I swear I’m done writing
yet your essence is poisonous
and against my will I pick up a pen and describe exactly how I feel
I can’t say everything I said before applies now,
mere strangers its hard to remember one thing and see another
Baby I’m so sorry that I bother
but if I could I would dip this pen into your essence
so that you could love these words too

A Turn For The Worst
-Jimmy Desire

I got a disease
And need a remedy to feed it
Thought that the twilight
So bright
Could grant the one wish I needed
But What I Need is so hard to get,
So out of reach
I just can’t forget
The happiness, turmoil and all the in-between
Some day when I find out what this all means
I’ll take a look back and remember…
That my naive mind
Blinded by love
Could not conceive
That maybe,
Just maybe
I was not what you needed
Hm...
I wonder if you think I was conceded.
For I continued to cling to life
When clearly I was defeated
Torn
Was my heart from this lonely vessel
Fatigued
From the rhythm of its own beat
It lay dormant,
Asleep
Waiting for the day that it may meet
Another
And who knows…
Maybe other plus other
Could equal mutual love
And like the dove
Their love would soar
Giving hope to the hopeless
Those who had ignored it before
A chance to realize that their heart isn’t worthless
It just may be searching for more
In another.

A few words for a girl I care for
Before you awake and start your long day,
I thought I might write a little something to help you through it.
Life is hard, that much I understand
I just hope you try not to let all the negativity consume you
There are obstacles it’ll put us through
But I’d like you to always remember this:
No matter what it is that’s bothering you
May the radiance of your smile never diminish,
Your determination never waiver,
May faith never leave you
And your love never fade
For they and your personality make you special
Caring,
Ambitious,
And successful,
Take pride in that
Please believe that you are amazing in so many ways
Because it is seen through the eyes of many
It just saddens me that yours aren’t one of them
So these are just a few words to remind you
Hopefully you don’t forget
And if ever you do
I hope you look this over
and remember how that smile just happened to come across your face.

Much Love,
Jimmy Desire

I have this love for writing on this thing.
no mess on it
just flow
as the director intended so
another production of Desire Enterprises
lacking the basic exercises
but what’s a better time than now
because as I’m sure I’ve said before
“Practice takes patience
and patience takes practice”
no hesitation brother you’ve just got to attack it
so once again let me introduce myself to this
sweet sweet addiction.
Usually barricaded  
by the walls of my mind
see lately I’ve been learning to evade them
been taught to look beyond them four walls
for what I believe may contain my train of thought
so I’ll reach new horizons
I’ve learned the many ramifications of living within my comfort zone
and know nothing of the boundaries outside it
like standing up on stage and presenting my craft
no strength in my foundation like I’m about to collapse
freaking out remembering Rigley’s reminder to get a grip
even when you feel like you’re about to slip, take a breath
Speak each word carefully, Make ‘em feel each one you spit
Lord willing I’ll do just that, shoveling up little nuggets of gold
I’ve got people thinking, well **** the little brother’s got soul
I’m like nah, I’ve just been breaking the mold
back in the day they used to clown me for acting “real different”
black kid in a primarily white school, it could’ve been real different
but couldn’t help feeling out of place
now a days, I take it all at a steady place
growing up is a process man,
felt like I was lagging behind, but there is so much more left to see
I mean look at all the places, people, twists and turns we encounter
life is such a blessing, how the hell could I not enjoy it?
**** that, better believe I’m gonna embrace all that I is.
Be You, Be You, Be You
man that’s all you’ve gotta do.
Another amazing star amongst the many, shining bright in our universe.
Shine with me, we can only get better.
Don’t you ever falter, make your presence felt.
Make the best of the cards that you’re dealt.
because before you know it, you’ve reached the end of a verse.
Page, Chapter, Story or whatever you prefer…
The end may **** sometimes
but it opens up opportunities for new beginnings
That was sudden but it made you think didn’t it?
I live for this connection.
because if I kept you reading, I intrigued you.
it seems you can be reached, it seems I just like to breach into the temples of the mind
like old lectures from old teachers about how we wasting precious time
or how the future round the corner and its time to shape up
stop pushing snooze on the button homeboy its time to wake up
yeah, it be nostalgic on those hazy days
once and a while its okay to have them lazy days
but never stunt the progression of your growth
reminder of the sacrifices made to keep you safe
continue to share these these “little nuggets” that you make
and let the world relate.

Lessons Learned
-Jimmy Desire

Isolated,
Restricted within the confines of my own mind
Like a puzzle,
But the pieces aren’t compatible
See what you’ve done to me
Your actions don’t add up
My selfishness stunts me
It doesn’t allow me to understand what you want
I want to understand though
I do care,
I want you happy
I’d just rather you happy with me
All the time spent thinking about you,
Probably could’ve done more…

The mouse scurries in the light
But explores the darkness,
That becomes a shade of mystery
Light’s radiance exposes it
And makes it a possibility
See…
What the mouse doesn’t know is that
The two are one in the same
Mystery compels us to discover
But who knows what we’ll find
That’s our possibility
Possibility knows no limit
We wonder,
Estimate,
Infer,
Yet we can never be certain of
A Mystery,
Until we are willing enough to explore…

Truth of the matter is,
I'm sick and tired of not knowing where I'm going,
So I'm guessing its bout time I find out...
Well then, how bout you?..

Music and Love
-Jimmy Desire

As I sit here waiting for tomorrow
I remember the past and what it has brought me
I often forget how it was then compared to now
Smiles to giggles to Ha-Ha-Ha’s
The farther I go back the more I see
Man its crazy
Thoughts of you never seem to stop
We used to flow together like water
Drip Drop Drip Drop
Tick Tock Tick Tock
As the time goes by
Happiness turns into madness
And we don't know why
At first ignoring each other was just a game
Then it started to become a part of the picture frame
It seems that we’re both to stubborn to admit we’re wrong
But when worse comes to worse we gather up the courage to remember the song
A beat that plays throughout you and me
And although we don't see eye to eye
The music will continue to play through the fire
And even if the beat of our song changes melody
I still want to be apart of the duet we were meant to be
It doesn't have to be the same as before but we can improvise and make it better
Re-Invent the remix, not quite different from the original
A small change in words but same meaning
Well I guess only one question remains
When the music starts playing, can I count on you to be ready and
willing right by my side?

I guess I knew I wasn’t done.
you see, the feeling never faded
it was just negated, if only for a while
late last night you crept into my imagination while I slept
and I finally told you everything I ever wanted to say
how the past is in the past and don’t mean a thing
that your smile is a blessing and without it I sin
trying to fill the core that you left empty
I suppose I envy you now
you’ve got scares
but you live so carefree now

I love that

I wish I wasn’t so concerned about where my heart will lay
when my hair grows gray
I know it’s sad
but I’m convinced that when I complete that part of the puzzle
the image will become clearer
and all will fall into place
it’s just that I’d always imagined you by my side
but it just wasn’t meant to be
I can live with that
because honestly all that I care is that

You are happy
because that’s what I aimed to achieve with you.

My sister once told me that she gives everyone one a chance.
So I sit here and I wonder
why her philosophy hasn't been assimilated by others...
Doesn't everyone deserve a chance to show what they have to offer?
Man I hate that I love her and I know at times she feels the same way too. **** I swear that, given the opportunity,
I would've loved her the way I always wanted to...
I know the past is the past and should be left there
but these what-ifs and maybes love to whisper in my ear...
On nights like these, I wish she could understand how much I miss her.

I swear your love would be the sweetest drug,
but what kills me is that I'm already addicted without taking my first puff...
But once I inhale you
I know the sensation it will bring
and the very actions I would take to make your heart strings sing...
But it's as if you can't see me
Or perhaps it because you're out of my reach
Or could it be that your heart belongs to another?
Maybe I'm not what you seek
Yet your beauty always seems to seep into my mind's eye whenever I sleep
It's everything you do my sweet angel
From your laugh, to your smile, even the way that you speak
It all just so happens to compel me
But you don't ever notice me,
Do you?
---
"In love with an angel
But she don't belong to me..."

I.

Life is crazy
In the sense that we can find love over and over
In the sense that we lose life in a matter of seconds
We arguing about money we don’t really need
While others are suffering from a lack of accessibility
My teacher taught me with enough detail you can recreate the sensation of when you first sink into an apple and it’s juices burst from within.
Beautiful and sweet,
Sometimes when they’re so ripe you can feel it tingle in your cheeks.
Chunks of delicious fruit being minced by my teeth.
Just like back in the day,
sitting in class in front of fresh apple slices and a side of peanut butter.
It was so simple then,
but now we all feel a little weighed down by the pressure from life’s various complications.
Responsibilities passed down from our parents
meant intentionally or not.
Dangers of our environment,
brothers and sisters losing their ability to hold their mothers.
Worry some how much my children might see when I’m gone.
rainbows and sunshine
some things from my childhood that still enlightens me.
A rarity and reminder that the sun will shine again tomorrow.
Let me borrow your light when I’m lost in my dark spaces.
Tracing my fingertips against the rough rocky walls,
looking for a way out,
looking for signs of life.
A slight glimmer.
Look there in the distance how it glimmers.
Bring me back when I’ve lost my way.
Illuminate my eyes as if I’m being graced by the dawns first light.
My friends seem to guide me the same,
on days I hadn’t even realized I had been locked within my own temple too long,
scheming on the outcome of this trial.
Back and forth, pacing in haste as I worry in a perpetual way,
where the hell I belong in a world like this?

II.

Look me in my eyes.
Heavily brown
Welling up
Deep blue swimming pools.
I get lost in and forget how to swim
Head under water
Suffocating over thoughts of you.
I give too much to you.
All this love for you.
Unrequited
Or maybe just misunderstood
Her eyes just like mine
But darkened with time
Very rare that she smiles
Delicate calloused hands
Long days and longer nights
Working for everybody but the girl in the mirror
I know it may look like there’s no end in sight
But when you focus on you and only you
There’s no doubt in my mind you’ll find the joy you lost
Scary thing,
When money becomes the most important
And everything else is out of focus.
Just going thru the motions.
Wishing you could turn back the hands of time.
III.

It’s harder to believe in love once you grow up
Our perspectives change drastically depending upon what it is that we see.
Not many people have what we used to call “traditional” families
And yet end up having the most compassionate and caring of hearts.
I’ve always put so much into others,
My mother taught me that,
It’s scary to think how a like we are at times.
She also taught me that you must care for yourself
Because no one has the obligation to care for you.
Just love those who love you
Because they are a rare treasure.
Metaphorically tethered to each other’s hearts
Look how easily people become important parts of each other’s lives
Sadly we can just as easily watch as they fade
Life is complicated, we all come and go with the seasons
The same way we may meet a soul that may make an impact for whatever reason
Pick your encounters, and learn from them
Always strive to be a better you
And want to understand and love yourself better too
Because if you don’t who will?
I tell you for a fact that’s real!
It takes a “real one” to understand how I feel
But I’ve stopped looking, I’m just living and having fun
Just looking forward to more days like this basking in the sun
and writing stories in the moonlight
Occasionally taking my pencil as my pilot
Just to test the heights of how far my imagination could reach
Hot on my trail, follow me into infinity
I want you to see in clarity everything I can see
In the hopes I can relay this message perfectly
Give it your all
No shame if you fall
How can you stand tall?
If you don’t answer the call.

I wrote a few lines
Back in a time where I thought I knew
Made complications seem as simple as the different shades of grey
She lead astray
Venom racing thru my mind that day
Each second allowing it to coarse deeper into my thoughts
After all the struggle, could you really still have lost?
Fought but never took action
Took another avenue
For the path seemed way to cluttered for the allotted time of two
Conflicted, a tear fell from mine eye
But from the grin that followed the sorrow one could only assume acceptance…
Lost in confusion
I’m sure it’s not a delusion
So I came to a conclusion
Must I let go and grow
Or hold tight and let her know?
...
and I just stopped writing,
finished.

To the female with the inner struggle
miss, I wish you'd really let it go
even though I ain't one to speak
clinging on to that of which I never had
****, I know it's sad
but at the time,
she meant the world to me
and that's all that ever mattered

Now I've learned that time can accumulate distance
and you're so far gone that you've seemed to have forgotten
he's long gone
and in your fortress of solitude
you reminisce on the moments you shared
it’s no question that you care
but let me ask you a question,
do you think it's fair that your heart aches from a heartbreak
that occurred so long ago?
it's true that the scars you can't see be the hardest to heal
but letting it drown your mind ain’t the best way to deal
believe me I know how you feel
I’m guilty of the same
and from experience I can tell you that
that’s a place I wish to never go back

Realized I was so consumed with her
that there no one else I could possibly prefer
so innocently blinded by the thought of her being the one
I never took time to notice something was wrong
when I did the blame fell on me
when in reality it was her
but all that time ago perfection protected her from any judgment
my only fault, other than expressing how I truly felt…

So hopefully in time
you’ll realize you need to let go
because being reminiscent of what used to be
sometimes highlights what you used to see and believe
compared to what it was in reality.  
Some of life’s lessons leave us feeling like we live in a cold cruel world
but sometimes it just what we need to go on.
A few rhymes for the girl who claims I never have the time.
Be well my friend

Untitled
By: James Desire
                                    
Why do you put us through so much pain?
Do you really love him?
I guess we ain't the same…
A year ago,
We took a ride together,
In the rain and all the other bad weather
And yes we were cool,
Cause even after school
We were side by side
Chillen, laughin' and livin' the life
It was about a year later
And things got greater
Could've sworn you and I were meant for each other
But then things changed
We got so rearranged
And in the confusion of it all
Our connection was lost in the wash of the rain
And I understand what ever I thought we had is gone…
But whatever the situation may be
You know I'll always be there for my baby
And what I really want to know is…
Is this what you really want?
You still the same girl I met last year?
And Finally,
Since you wear a mask
Whenever I pass
Sometimes hesitate to ask
Are you REALLY okay?
Cause now a days,
The rain falls harder every time I hear your name.

Another day,
another scribble on the page of life
why not make it extraordinary?
Leave your mark
like you were leaving ink splats all over the canvas
magnificent arrays of colors contrast and intervene
within the scene.
Resulting in a more vibrant display of life.
Strife exists each and everyday
and beauty has always coexisted beside it
It's resisted so much longer than us
and we bask in its radiance much more often than we realize
so through all the pain of life's crucible remember,
to be as daring as you were the day before
if not more so, make an impact.
Shine brightly, so that everyone can see.
It's just one of the things that makes this life worth it.

What you worth really?
I mean only you can tell me,
because the only thing that can limit you is yourself
anything you set your mind to can be achieved
you just need to believe, and then back that up with the work
talk is cheap, unless you give it the support it needs.
make your words an extension of yourself,
as if they were arms and legs that can help lift another up
whenever you happened to let them roll off your tongue.
I used to have dreams I'd light up stages,
now I just want to light up the diminished flames in your hearts that you hold dear.
If not today,
maybe tomorrow I can convince you
each day is a new day to craft a better you.
Take a look in the mirror,
reflect in who it is you've become and what you've get left to do.

So much strife in this life,
so much beauty too.

I’m trying to find substance in something that’s transparent
But it seems to elude me before I get the chance
Like the wind,
It comes and goes as it pleases
And leaves its mark on the hearts of men
Uncertainty fills their mind as they attempt to remember when
they were consumed by it's affliction
and what it's done to them.

the memory flies by quick
but in the moment its timeless
its the simple things that make it all worth it
but in the end
those are the hardest to remember
what was it that i was feeling?
and when can i feel it again?
because like a drug im addicted to the amount of satisification
it brings
better yet i guess i'm addicted to the kinda person she is

love has no defination
so even if i cant tell you what it is exactly
let me descibe it in my words...
it's wanting to wake up next to you
to catch you at your most peaceful
its having you by my side
with interlocking fingers exploring the world
its being stingy and incredibily unreasonable about the time you spent without me
its something you never expected
but a feeling you never want to go away.
its letting go even you dont want to
its discovering that they mean more to you than u thought.

What if I kissed you?
would it be everything we'd hoped for
or would it shatter our dreams
because it seems this one moment could change everything
so what if we let whatever happens
happen
so that we'll have no regrets
and if we fail
we would've given it our best
so when night falls
I can finally put my mind to rest
instead of wondering,
"What If I Kissed You"

Better yet,
What if I told you I missed you?
would it bring up warm memories of the past
or would you disregard it
believing it to be untrue...
Fed up with how dull words sound so good
but never happen to shine through
I don't blame you
the fear was crippling,
it was like having stage frieght
I wasn't sure how to show you...
but you did
and you tried teaching me
but I was too blind to see
that what I wanted I had right in front of me
[sigh]
the ritual was so casual
that it seemed to lose its meaning
I just didn't want it to be meaningless to you
when it means everything to me...

Late Night Blues
Old Style
Blue Color
Dark Shades
The scene starts under a streetlight
Trench coats in the rain
Two familiar faces meet to talk again
They don't look at each other rather
At the scenery
Dark,
all they can see is rain drops hit the ground
And hear the faint cars that zip around
Peace under the radiance that reveals them
They’re alone together
And when they both turn
To take their first glimpses at
Seeing who they haven't seen
Since who knows when...
She falls in his embrace
Reinforcing that he was missed
He looks at her and smiles
a glimmer in her eyes
The light dies
-Sigh-
Sunrise

-James Desire

And I wonder...
Can have a second or two to get to know you?
Shorty you've been on my mind and I know that we just met but you intrigue me.
Too good to be true isn’t nothing new and you probably heard these words before
but please believe me,
When I tell you you’re smile warms my heart
and that your frown is like a failed attempt at the "push to start"
No key detected, it's left a gap in your core
Never knowing what to expect, you wish for the best but aren't sure what's in store
Because these suitors don't seem to be genuine anymore
Well you know what they say, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure
My lucky penny
they kept dropping you because it's your value they can't measure
And lady treasuring that *** would certainly be my pleasure
All jokes aside, woman of your variety are close to extinction
And to tell you that you hadn't run through my mind all day would be a farce
But that's only because when you compare yourself to the average girl,
omething shines through clearly,  a certain distinction...
Respect and a belief that some things are still sacred,
Like love,
You free as a dove
Yet you allow these nobodies constrict your life
Paralyzed by the experiences I have yet to hear
Understand when you feel you can, I’ll be here
With an accepting and sincere ear
Finally when the night falls
and you feel the need to lay your pretty little head down
I’ll embrace you in my arms with kisses all around
and hold you tight until the sunrise
a few small moments built together which comprise
Of us :)

So I guess I was right
But I pushed it upon myself
And I regret it
But can we really not fix it?
Cause you don’t seem conflicted
Just convinced
That I don’t give a ****
Truth of the matter is
I acted upon the same influence you did
But it wasn’t purposely
Just something that would happen consistently
So I’d fade into the background
And watched on without a sound
Cause a confession to this secret was unnecessary, I found
That too much was built up to let it all fall down
Remember when I told you they could never replace you
Then you looked me in my eyes and you told me the same too
What happened to that?
Were those just words?
Or did I hear something different that my ears preferred
But that’s over now
At least for you
Cause the things I said
I said because I meant it boo
But in the end you just proved to me what I knew was true
That losing me in your life was the easiest thing to do

She once told me she was worth nothing
yet she did what others frowned upon,
and doing so truly made her happy.
That translates,
to me at least, that she has a lot self worth,
at the moment she knew the risks
and what people would say if they were to find out
but she would rather have a moment in the arms of the one she loved.
That’s courage sweetheart...
you are strong...
And yet through his eyes your drained of everything
I couldn’t anticipate what love could influence people to do
pushed against your own morals
that’s the battle
such emotion and passion allow us to do irrational things
and we know they’re wrong
But it feels so **** right
It’s a plight of your hearts desires
So go on girl, hold him tight
They’re plenty people asking for just
One More Night…

Lost
More than ever
6 am on a Tuesday

Asking,
where do I go?
I guess this is what you meant, huh Ana?
I’ve got to work on myself before anyone else
But I’m prone to denial and procrastination
it’s a cycle for real
Life keeps getting too real
Had a convo with my pops a few hours ago
and now the kid isn’t sure how to feel
wanting nothing but to fulfill their wish
but have no idea about where to start
too busy fooling myself that we live in
“Never Never Land”
The kid ain’t ready to grow up
Peter Pan, Peter Pan
I’ve said it before,
You’re the man!
I’m forever scuffing with my shadow
in the hopes that my present will alter from my past mistakes
but you aren’t worried about a thing huh?
Just that ***** hook and the wild boys
but in my reality,
I’m surrounded
Conflicted,
not like the one who probably forgot
something I’ll never forget
that night I spent time to write all the lines
from my mind that I thought described you
Shoutout to Lana Lang,
I really hope that man right for you.
And don’t worry you don't cross my mind too much
Words are never exchanged
so I thought maybe here you’d listen again
Fool,
remember the one rule:
Let it be…
I apologize for the lack of focus
It’s been a while I suppose.
Since I’ve called ******* on myself.
I mean what the **** am I doing?
what happened to the mentality that those teachers instilled in you
Yeah you’re ****** at the outcome of UMD
but you were supposed to dig your way out of that hole
make the comeback that was expected of you.
it’s like you’ve forgotten all of those lectures from the likes of
Rigley, Jones, Bent and Weatherhead
you’re destined for more
if you don’t believe it you’ll never achieve it
and further more,
if you don’t apply yourself you’ll never see results.
Even Ms. Sanchez said a few words that stunned you
like, “it’s just funny because I bet you procrastinate as well”
lead by example
like how you gon’ preach something you don’t practice
she’s plenty right.
disappointing right?
the fact that you keep trying to keep people from falling apart
when you are the one in fact who keeps breaking down
but they’ll never know
because you believe its not important
and you let it sit on the back burner
till it consumes you like this…
I guess this is my role.
walking down this solitary road
like I’ve nowhere else to go.

I’ll never expect a soul to understand
pen in hand,
sleepless nights in never land.

I’m thankful to have met you
But listen to some words of advice
You shouldn’t doubt yourself
I know how it feels to be lonely
I want to experience love as well
But what’s love in this society?
***** sheets
Covered with the stench of disappointment in the morning?
Shame
Why does chivalry seem to be dead and gentlemen so close to extinct?
Because tradition has faded
The old days of taking it slow are gone
No time for the mind and heart to speak
If the body is too busy creeping into others’ sheets
And young lovers,
In love they think they have fell
So they continue the cycle as well
To find the love only fairy tales could tell…

Cherishing her as if she were a star
and although it was far it granted a wish that close to his heart
but her shimmer quickly faded
he thought they could’ve made it
but because she destroyed herself from within
there was nothing left but darkness
and that wish could not exist without her
the wish was her...
she came and left like night and day
do you ever stop and think where the stars go to play when they're away?
and if they come back
why not simply burn into the atmosphere like the rest
and grant a wish of another whose heart is deprived of desire...
A cycle of disappointment
So what if airplanes in the night sky were like shooting stars
Ain’t a wish gonna come true tonight.

We wish everyday for something
never means that we will get it…
sometimes things just shouldn’t be
Then why can’t we go and forget it
Because no matter how much we want
Your heart and minds want what they want
A constant struggle between the two
But they’re the components that make up you

ooh, I shouldn't care but I do.
I just like to talk to you
and listen to every detail that should happen to escape those lips
and inch closer with every thoughtful response and mistakenly steal a kiss
you ask what I'm doing,
I explain I couldn't resist, I just had to have a taste of something I could've missed.
You laugh but you insist not to let it happen again
see now we have a problem because what I had just taken from you was pure bliss
and I'd be ****** if I actually had to be restricted from this...
So you continue your story and I'm lost in mind,
stratagizing ways to make you mine.
In the meantime,
I'm watching you speak and become infatuated with your laugh and smile,
they're sight alone would be enough to have me run for miles...and it has too.
Now I have yet to reveal all the secrets you have concealed
but I believe slowly but surely
I'll get there and maybe eventually bring out the side that longs to be defiled.
And when I first met you,
you explained how your next man would be the one to walk you down the aisle
To be honest, I'm nowhere ready for that yet
but in the meanwhile why not take a chance with me?
because as time has gone by,
I've grown quite accustomed to you...

Free Yourself…
-Jimmy Desire

At last the chains of my heart are released
The thing I had once called love is now deceased

You’ve lost yourself
Sitting in a dark room
Crying over **** that used to be
So I call you up and try to do you a favor
Ask if you and I could chill later
You say no
I say fine I understand
Things take time to get over
But when your done drowning in sorrow
I could take your hand
And we could look forward to tomorrow
Pain comes and goes
See this life
Is the only one we get
How long do you want to take to heal?
When you could recover
And discover
That with every end
There is a new beginning
A new chance to get things right,
Your sight
Impaired from the tears you’ve cried
Blind you from the truth,
Things will eventually get better
You just have to want them to
…Live to life to the fullest…

"So What If?"
-Jimmy Desire

if you continue to expect to be hurt,
when will you be happy?
don't shove aside possibility,
how do you know it can't be
just because the thought hasn't processed in your mind yet doesn't mean it couldn't be
lemme just orbit around your mind until you get to know me
until a time where even when I'm not around
you can always find me
know that my presence lies within your heart
right where it should be
and baby if you tend to get materialistic
and my words are just words like sand in an hour glass sinking to fast to grasp
grasp this,
there is no one on this earth who would rather kiss your elegant lips
take the time to explore the library that is your mind
or even feed you your daily dosage of poetry. a crucial element that makes up both you and me

please believe that this is I...
stripped to my very core
hopefully this can be a shred of evidence explaining exactly why you mean everything to me...

It was a far-fetched dream to even to begin to imagine that you could be mine.
ignored the limitless amounts of time you said no
and translated it to maybe later...
because I never let anyone get to me the way you did,
and yet, you never wanted it
only desired the ones who you saw in your mind as ideal
should have noticed it then
you gave up our friendship for what you thought was real
can't say I blame you though because I did the same
even though you never wanted me there was a group of people I started to ignore because of you
regret it a lot because even if I didn't want to know they would tell me how to deal with you
and when to let go
but that option was non-existent to me until recently
I made a promise that I always intended to keep and I can still
but I don't understand why now a days you are so out of control
stories and stories bout what you did and with who
and it hurts me to know that's the way people talk about you
that's why I hold on to the past because I know whom you once were
I miss that girl everyday even though I can't have her
I mostly blame myself because maybe if I tried harder things wouldn't have end up this way
but who's to say what would have happened
so I'll put the past to rest as you request
and continue to live on with my life
but does that consist of you?

If it doesn't then maybe tomorrow shouldn't consist of memories of the past
just enjoy the present while we have it lasts
and for once when we say goodbye I'll leave it be
just like the way it was supposed to be

I still want to know why you write about someone you want to forget
while your with someone you called your best
and I know your past still haunts you
but numbing yourself to the point where your mask is literally your face is a dangerous chance to take
dont push away anymore.
what do you have left to lose?

It’s hard to need something you been wasting
time is everlasting but how much you got left?
worried about when my loved ones will expire
in fear I didn’t show then enough love and appreciation
chasing females like they’ve got all the answers
but I know I need the “right one”
keep my mind as sharp as the edge of the blade
keep me straight to the path of greatness
truth be told though,
I’ve got to stop looking for the answers in others
draw my own pocket aces
be my own secret weapon
like baby, maybe you missing something. (HA)
need to be an example to the ones coming up
possibly why I’ve been so quiet lately,
got old friends inquiring on my whereabouts
always had been the socialite,
last few years I’ve been more like a hermit
off on an island like I’m Roshi!
had to stay low-key, too much on the mind
drifting in crystal clear waters reflecting the distant clouds
bathing in the sun, meditating on all I’ve seen
of all that exists in the world
all creatures above and underneath me
find a way to live harmoniously,
the circle of life filled with beauty and strife
this little rock holds glorious wonders
and pain often unbearable
mothers across the world mourning over lost sons and daughters
whether it be the color of skin
or which god you place your faith in.
Our diversity should be the last thing destroying our global society.
Just playing my part as I see fit,
A piece of mind, longing for a peace of mind.
All the while, worrying I’m wasting my precious time.
Lost in a trance, weathering the storm of thoughts that rages on viciously.
Each strike of thunder ignites the flow of spilled ink shaping itself onto this canvas.
When the rain stops, I gaze upon the results.

© James Desire 2015

corrupt ever word ever written
plus I put the blame on me when it probably shouldn't be
but,
reconstruction seemed well worth it

thing is,
well worth it expired three years ago
and I have to accept the fact that you went bad,
a path chosen while you were trying to stay strong
I guess you can't come to grips with the fact that you may be wrong

a mask is a mask
in time it will need to be removed
then what will you do?
deny the truth?
go on girl,
thats all you

- clap, clap, clap-

you play the part perfectly
got the audience to believe the act as well
but we can see through your home remedy
so increase dosage or throw away the recipe
because you haven't fooled us at all

I'm not even sure you comprehend what you're doing anymore...
what happens if we leave?
will you finally find satisfaction behind the shield you've created?
because all your doing is changing the people around you
You are who you are
you haven't changed you...
and maybe all you want is change,
a place to restart?

start with your heart

What A Life

I do the things I shouldn't do

to say I did and have "gained a lesson" from it

when in reality I'm just trying to prove

that what's usually the "right way" is not always for everybody

foolish child you look for a glimpse of chance

where countless fools before you had as well

I just thought that maybe I,

with all that I've said and proclaimed about love,

with my ideals and my upbringing to the melodies of R&B;

that helped ease me into sleep

and induce dreams in which I would finally find the courage to have my voice heard,

serenading to lost queens about their substantial worth and beauty...

man I just thought that I could've had it different

but don't we all...

well if anything its a constant reminder that the world can be cruel

but theres a lot you'll see thats breathtakingly beautiful

like hearing another brother of ours has been slain by none other than his own kin

funny isn't it?

that as the most advanced lifeforms (that we know of anyway)

that we hinder ourselves more than anything

with all the potential dangers that could arise from day to day

we on top of that are a danger to ourselves and others

not all of us of course

but enough that its publicized and causes riots in the streets

and with good reason too.

I'm more impressed by the passion presented by the ones on their feet

fighting and making a stand about something they know is wrong

exactly the kind of action we need more of

it simply saddens me because I believed we were past all the racism

and just when you start to question the direction of the path we all seem to be taking

you are blessed with a moment of pure gratitude

and someone who works at Starbucks is willing to pay for your drink,

even when you have the money to pay

she simply said, “you’re a nice guy and I probably wasn’t going to use this free drink anyway”

hugs and a tip for the girl who only wanted to make my day a little better

and it’s something we don’t have enough of

people who are genuinely nice

like honestly what does it cost you?

I like to look at myself from afar in this grand scheme called life

and sometimes lose the importance of my existence

making too much of a big deal of what’s to come

wanting not to miss out on it all…

Just tell me I can win this thing

and leave my loved ones with memories of my laugh,

my smile and words

because they are what I am made of


product of my environment,
I am clearly blessed.

A Message She’ll Never See
When did you begin to lose faith?
When did you stop believing in what could be
and come to the conclusion that it can’t?
Why do you want what hurts in comparison to what could work
I guess then I should ask why you should settle for less
when you can work for what you want
but it’s not like we’re kids anymore,
time has taught us that plus distance is an added factor
but we never added that
In some respect,
we could come together and still be those same people
who laugh and chill as if nothing ever changed
but it has and that’s what keeps us at bay
I could say “I love you”
but I could never mean it the same way
Then I could say “I miss you”
but that doesn’t guarantee that you’d stay.
People change,
I accept that but I just hope that you know
I pray that you never let go,
of this thing called love.

I just want to be
Successful
she asks,
"what does that mean to you?"
I say,
"it means that I will do anything to make a difference...
be it through my words or actions."
one in the same
meaning never lacking
this will bring me true satisfaction.

We want what's best for the future,
or at least we should right?
Remember to always care for yourself
and take the time to care for another
because in this world of ours,
we really should care for each other.
For example,
Our pledge of Allegiance declares,
"We are One nation,
Under God".
Yet we let our differences separate us.
like we all know 9/11 was a tragedy,
but to point fingers at the innocent
don't make sense.
but what does anymore right?
like the debt we receive to acquire
a higher education
and our country promotes it
like that's just the motion.

I'm just scheming and dreaming for a future that ain't so sure
I guess I think if I speak up more,
someone will eventually hear me.

Late night mediation
ended up picking up this pen
Steady thinking bout you
"Ooh no, no, no"
It's true lady,
You've ambushed my mind
And are the only thing that remains
When night falls till the sunrise
The music plays on in the background
And I wonder if you ever think so far ahead?
Because I get it forever's a long time, more like a life time
But "temporary lover" won't make you mine
And excuse me Mr. Ocean for borrowing another line but
"I remember how could I forget, how you feel"
But I'd rather not be the one continuously mending a heart you could willingly heal.
The past I had once clung onto desperately taught me that
also, a mentor I had once instructed me that love shouldn't suffocate
only alleviate and enrich our quality of living.
So, come and take a walk with me
because you talked about getting away,
somewhere where you could enjoy the watching the sunset
and I just want to watch you bask in a beauty as natural as you
held tight in my embrace
you can hear my heart race
as if its the bass to our favorite song
and with your sweet little voice, you sing along
I sincerely believe
this could all be possible
but go on and call me foolish
I'll still sing these love songs as loudly and proudly as I did in my youth
When I was just around the age of 8 in my room
belting, "Everyone Falls In Love Sometimes"
cause it's true
and "I Don't Know Bout You But It Ain't A Crime"
but that might depend who you talk to
because "catching feelings" apparently has become some sort of affliction
when the case of the matter is
it only matters when
the source of affliction isn't afflicted too
a little something we've all been through
nothing to be ashamed of either
just another lesson learned with time
scheming on ways to make you mine
with a period missing from every line
running on and on about the ways I love this song
and how you embody the passion sung
so go on and call me selfish,
I mean it is what it is,
But if it is love you desire,
and you like to take the time to get to know me
I'll give you a constant supply

…

Life is funny in all honesty

Human interactions always astonished me,
the simple capability of being able to allow individuals
to share each other’s thoughts is amazing.
Our very image can be viewed differently by a matter of words.
You can feel the most endearing warmth from simple contact alone,
in many cases, only if it’s the right one.
In others’ cases, it could be the touch of anyone
that reminds you, you are not alone.
I swear I’m in my zone,
writing is a constant love I just can’t leave her alone
So many love letters trapped within my phone.
Lay it all over your skin,
each letter a kin to the grand production
Thank you for your patience,
because it’s given life to works of art
that I could not have foreseen before but now I embrace it.
My heart races whenever my body remembers the sensation.
I mean contemplate it,
my pen bleeds to breathe life into a new creation.

Alleviation of the troubled mind,
trying to adopt and grow with time
and this forever evolving world
I have to let my faith grab the reigns
and overpower any fear that will breed doubts into my mind.
Positivity my only energy,
even when I’m low,
I throw myself into bodies of work like this to get high.
Don’t ask me why,
but often I look at the sky
and believe that even I can surpass the limits.

To Whom It May Concern
It’s  been a long time old friend,
it’s really nice to see you again
Unfortunately, we seem to have lost touch to the connection.
Throw my hands into the sky in the hopes that I,
I just might feel something.
Unfortunately, I’ve been grasping at air.
Reaching for that tear in fabric, tragic, they claim it doesn’t exist.
Somewhere along the line they must’ve missed the point
foolish, they make the kid seem ghoulish
see the ideas of my mind must be confusing
they must seem threatening to intimidate the likes of those who find me obscene
like outrageous, this train of thought must be detained
before contaminating the numerous brains that control the reigns
nothing but toxic fumes that do nothing but loom in the atmosphere
often I wonder exactly how I ended up in this place
at a young age I believed I wanted fame
and have beautiful women chant my name
but as more time passes I’ve learned
I just want to give people a good reason to remember my name
Legacy
even now that word resonates through me
I ask what will remain even after I fade?
will anyone remember the effort I made?
I just want to leave an impact on those who are willing to hear
and touch the minds of those who believe they’re misunderstood
to those who understand this fear
as paralyzing as it may seem
it often brings a sliver of rejuvenating truth
even when you start to sweat
and even though your hands may quake
remember that at the end,
you’ve given your words a pulse.

(Performance Extras)
[Clear]
Breathe.
[Clear]
In time it will come with ease.
[Clear]
All you need to do is speak!

Thank You!