I do not take offence
to people disliking my company
because they are not really speaking to me.
They are asking my guards
(outside the cell I confine myself to)
for permission of conversation.
They believe they have managed to
get through the iron bars
surrounding me from all sides.
They believe lies.
I am an actor
in every movement I make.
I preach honesty, in disguise.
I step quietly, into this dark house
examining the shattered windows,
the broken lights, the cluttered furniture
that nobody had bothered to clean
The scent of abandonment and loneliness
that had filled each of the rooms,
i walked through,
as i had realized this home
had once been happy,
it had once been able to be bright,
clean, and people felt comfort
being in its' presence,
yet it is now broken,
this lonely house.
It's now shattered, exterminated
as nobody sees its' worth anymore
for what it has been before
This broken house,
All it needed was love.
Love him one day and hate him the next?
It's the teenage obsession with sex!
Do anything to get him to notice you
Find out that all along that he's a snake, too
Other than looks, what more does he have?
The opportunity for a good, hearty laugh
Overall, what are you to do and say?
Just pray that this obession will go away
try to make sense
try to try to try to
not like the click - clank
in my brain - bone
where coils spark
and d i s s i p a t e
not like the gray stitches on my scalp
that pull strings
and then pull me
from where i’m floating in my sweater
with my neck choked up
and i . . .
- suffocate -
where my fists are too heavy
and they fall to the floor
and i can’t get off the ground
so all i say is
i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry
i’m sorry i can’t make sense of the
things in my head that tell me to
tie up my stomach and
shut the fuck up . . .
but i wish i could
i’m so depressed
so inside of my own head
so inside of myself
just go away karen
she asks “don’t you feel good ever? just a sliver?
just a slice?”
yeah, i guess, when i fuck myself
that reminds me
i kind of enjoy pain too
as i grab the knife
How did I get here?
What year did I get
hooked? I can say
it began in 7th/8th grade,
but this has been going on
I was born addicted
to breathing too hard, kicking,
screaming, fighting everything
going on around me.
I was born addicted to
burning. I have always reveled
in my own shadow. Been addicted
to addictions. Been hooked on
the Boogey man and the monsters
in my closet.
I was 5,
tried to play with
my nightmares, but
they were playing with
my dreams and psyche.
I'm in a downwards
roller coaster. I swear it was
Then again after all
the drugs I'm surprised
my inner ear has any sense
I've been lost in a hurricane
filled with marijuana,
amphetamines, all the alcohol
you could wish for.
Valium, cocaine, Percocet, acid,
shrooms, Ecstacy, Xanax, I've
popped pills with no clue of the
Snorted so many different chemicals
I got a nose bleed for 2 hours.
and took another bump
when the road looked safe.
My path of addiction is
embedded in my DNA.
I swear I was born
I burn through each day,
I burn through each moment,
I burned through my own brain.
Burn out... That's what you call it.
Life is crazy
In the sense that we can find love over and over
In the sense that we lose life in a matter of seconds
We arguing about money we don’t really need
While others are suffering from a lack of accessibility
My teacher taught me with enough detail you can recreate the sensation of when you first sink into an apple and it’s juices burst from within.
Beautiful and sweet,
Sometimes when they’re so ripe you can feel it tingle in your cheeks.
Chunks of delicious fruit being minced by my teeth.
Just like back in the day,
sitting in class in front of fresh apple slices and a side of peanut butter.
It was so simple then,
but now we all feel a little weighed down by the pressure from life’s various complications.
Responsibilities passed down from our parents
meant intentionally or not.
Dangers of our environment,
brothers and sisters losing their ability to hold their mothers.
Worry some how much my children might see when I’m gone.
rainbows and sunshine
some things from my childhood that still enlightens me.
A rarity and reminder that the sun will shine again tomorrow.
Let me borrow your light when I’m lost in my dark spaces.
Tracing my fingertips against the rough rocky walls,
looking for a way out,
looking for signs of life.
A slight glimmer.
Look there in the distance how it glimmers.
Bring me back when I’ve lost my way.
Illuminate my eyes as if I’m being graced by the dawns first light.
My friends seem to guide me the same,
on days I hadn’t even realized I had been locked within my own temple too long,
scheming on the outcome of this trial.
Back and forth, pacing in haste as I worry in a perpetual way,
where the hell I belong in a world like this?
Look me in my eyes.
Deep blue swimming pools.
I get lost in and forget how to swim
Head under water
Suffocating over thoughts of you.
I give too much to you.
All this love for you.
Or maybe just misunderstood
Her eyes just like mine
But darkened with time
Very rare that she smiles
Delicate calloused hands
Long days and longer nights
Working for everybody but the girl in the mirror
I know it may look like there’s no end in sight
But when you focus on you and only you
There’s no doubt in my mind you’ll find the joy you lost
When money becomes the most important
And everything else is out of focus.
Just going thru the motions.
Wishing you could turn back the hands of time.
It’s harder to believe in love once you grow up
Our perspectives change drastically depending upon what it is that we see.
Not many people have what we used to call “traditional” families
And yet end up having the most compassionate and caring of hearts.
I’ve always put so much into others,
My mother taught me that,
It’s scary to think how a like we are at times.
She also taught me that you must care for yourself
Because no one has the obligation to care for you.
Just love those who love you
Because they are a rare treasure.
Metaphorically tethered to each other’s hearts
Look how easily people become important parts of each other’s lives
Sadly we can just as easily watch as they fade
Life is complicated, we all come and go with the seasons
The same way we may meet a soul that may make an impact for whatever reason
Pick your encounters, and learn from them
Always strive to be a better you
And want to understand and love yourself better too
Because if you don’t who will?
I tell you for a fact that’s real!
It takes a “real one” to understand how I feel
But I’ve stopped looking, I’m just living and having fun
Just looking forward to more days like this basking in the sun
and writing stories in the moonlight
Occasionally taking my pencil as my pilot
Just to test the heights of how far my imagination could reach
Hot on my trail, follow me into infinity
I want you to see in clarity everything I can see
In the hopes I can relay this message perfectly
Give it your all
No shame if you fall
How can you stand tall?
If you don’t answer the call.