i don’t know where i’d be
today

if i weren’t constantly
lost

in some aspect of my
life.

i love this girl
but i used to love this other girl
and i used to think
i always would

but i don't

and it's an ugly thing
to not love someone anymore
so i won't love this girl
and it's still

an ugly thing

all the bald giants have
donned their toupees
but they remain silent

the sun overhead licks
at my back and the salty
sweat of my brow
stains the bill of my hat

insects swarm overheard
while the smell of putrescent fish
and fermenting leaves
invades my nose

the scaled monsters
beneath the black water
grin at my every move

and i feel at home

there's a little cooler
by the nine light
has a note on it-
says 'don't throw away'

read it just about every day
i know how it feels
to be thrown away,
no longer be of use

but i'm no hoarder
and cleaning day has come
so i'll stay true to the note
and let someone else have you

hope they'll be
better than i was

my life can be summed up
with a long list of
coulda beens
but I let it all slip away
to be content with average
to stay out of any light,
lurk in the shadows
and all the chances linger
like a fog that the sun
can't seem to burn away

2016 wasn't that bad in my opinion
but this year is **** so far
a lot like 2015 was
maybe odd years aren't for me
i was born on an odd year
can't quite remember how that one
turned out though,
i'm guessing ****** (in diapers for sure)
and that picture doesn't look like you
maybe that's why you like it
but it's why i don't.

sitting here with a cup of coffee
and a beautiful view of the beach
watching all the idiots running by
(because in my opinion it's one of
the most touristy things you can do)
and I'm trying to sort things out
but it's not good enough, never is
and this fog rolls in, blocking my view
and it shows how little anything matters
we are all b sides standing on the edge of
nothingness

i guess i should lace up my running shoes.

you know those hills
that you take with
your car
and it sends your
guts into your heart?

yeah, i wanna
live life
like that.

i wanted to say
beautiful things
but they got stuck
in my throat
so I choked them
back down like
***** in your mouth
and I forgot them
just like that-
fuzzy memories
of better days
and better ways,
but we'll always
have tomorrow
to waste, like today,
next year, maybe
where we're going,
where we've been
doesn't matter
because the fish
aren't biting like
they used to
but the beer
is still going
down smooth
and that's beauty
in itself.

how long must i
drag my bones
across these
lukewarm
monotonous
coals,
i wondered
as i loaded
the dryer
with white
clothes

catching a ride with
a stranger,
because at 34
i've no one else
to count on,
a stranger
that's known me
for all my 34 years
but has never
known me
he was there
which is more
than some can say
but he was never
really there
he took me fishing
a few times
so there's that
awkward silence ensues
and even more awkward
conversation
here's my stop
so i get out
and thank him
for the ride
and the stranger
drives off
and i hope one day
my kids will be able to say
that i was never there
but i was always
really
there.