I am ashamed to wear this flesh
In a world that has become such a mess
But when i really look i can see
How it's always been this way.

A comfortable bubble I've been residing in
While those on the outside looking in
Have always known our truth.
But we hate when they try to explain.

If we aren't willing to learn
we will let other brothers and sisters burn
So we have to pop the bubbles
We've been living in.

I won't let myself be quiet
and I won't let any of us stay silent
If we aren't fighting and we aren't trying
we're lucky we aren't the ones who are dying.

Unity means we are one.
United States with our precious guns
but we have them pointed at each other yet again.
As you sit with your privilege and your wealth
Sit back and look within yourself.
What side are you on? Because history repeats itself.

A pain, that I cannot explain. It doesn't hurt in the physical way that we all can relate.
A sensation, shooting through my chest, crying out for rest. Please just rest. I'm so tired.
Exhaustion, it hits you when you're moving faster than you thought you could. "Nothing can stop me now" I said. I believed truly that nothing would.
A sadness, that lingers even while you sleep. It waves in the bleachers of your dreams. Everything you care for it takes, and then greets you again when once you wake.

It's this constant reminder, ringing in your skull and it sings you to sleep, so you never drift off.

I've been crying out. I've been trying to show the world.
Is this something we are all battling?
Tell me because I need to know.
In order to cope, I have to understand when this emotional flight will land, and if my feet will hit the ground before my head.

Rooting into my safe soil. Making myself at home. I'll do it on my own.
Sleeping through the storms, I thought I'd feel grounded from the rain, instead I'm just vulnerable to the pain.
Shut my eyes so I can't see, the storm clouds nearing me. I can hide from the lightening but I'm just one tree. I watched the forest flee, and they reached for me, but I was rooted in too deep.

I know it’s still summertime,
But I’m frozen here.
My insecurities eat my alive.
Being led merely by fear.
There is a small fraction of myself,
That wants to work at this and be better.
But the majority of my being
Says “it’s all the same, what does it matter?”

So I give her a kiss on the forehead and send her off.
That girl that used to have my name.
I tell her she’s right and I know I’m wrong.
But if I separate myself maybe we will come out of this okay.
And she pleads for me to just keep trying to heal the wounds I keep sprinkling with salt, and wondering why they never get better.
She reaches for my hand to keep me close, but I’ll never let her.

I know it’s still summertime.
I understand the calendar year.
I see the rays with my eyes just fine
But I don’t feel them here.
And there’s a glimpse of hope I sometimes get when I close my eyes.
But then their viciously pried open by my chattering mind.

Sweet, sweet girl. Your innocence is admirable. I’ve been burned so many times I’m finally numb to it all. I’m ok with solitude, although I used to crave company. I’m alright with sadness. It’s woven it’s way inside of me and now we blend, we mold into one, so every time I’m hurt I don’t come undone. I just keep climbing but with no goals because it’s the only way I know. Any version of myself that believes in a new season, I’m gonna have to let her go. I try to trust her gut instinct but in the end she hurts me so.
I’m okay with this burden, and carrying it on my own.

I never thought I could be repaired.
Honestly, I never really cared.
Once I accepted that I was damaged.
I never saw it as a disadvantage.

Then you waltzed into my life.
Hiding in my dark cave you came in-a ray of light.
And in time you healed all my breaks and cracks
until I was whole again, you brought me back.

I could never find words to thank you for all of this.
Your support as I grew and as I flourished.
I was reborn but didn't realize it until I looked back
I had to see what I've evolved from to understand that.

I never asked to be repaired.
But in the end, the truth was that I really did care.
Somehow you saw that I wanted to be new
and you saw the light at the end, so you led me through.

Sometimes life just has a beautiful way,
of breaking you down and then showing you it can be okay.
When the rough parts seem endless just know that they're not.
hold on to what makes you shine with all that you've got.

I've been victimized.
I've been ignored.
I've been terrorized.
Don't know what for.
I am revolted by what you've turned out to be.
Because i threw all of my faith your way, but it was hardly a swing, but surely a miss.
& Now i'm not sure who I've chosen to be.
This soul that's overwhelmed with insecurities.
I've lost this playful heart that was ready for what's to come.
Pushed into a state of fury leaving me abandoned.

Spinning around in this powerless despair.
I had the reigns, had the control, i swear it was all there.
I swear I'm only vicious with my words when provoked.
Embarassed and ridiculed, only cries flee from my throat.

This insignificance i feel is burning through my veins.
I'm isolated from any warmth that still remains.
Am i really so inadequate, that you can't be considerate
and why am i even thinking on it? I was so sure of this confidence
but it's gone. Yes it's fled. And now it's just yours words echoing through my head.

I used to be inspired. I used to be so sure.
Until this emptiness made it's way into my core.
I piercing silence lingers through the air that i breathe in
A hesitant avoidance every time you try to come back in
into this safe place that used to be, before you used your claws to break through me, and any sense of safety,

I’ve been around the world, danced around the earth.

I’ve loved with all i have, I’ve cried until it hurts.

I’ve slept the days away, hoping i’d wake up to a change,

and i’ve thrived off life in bright lights, i’ve set myself a stage.

but all that’s missing from the experiences i’ve faced

and all that’s missing from the lovers, and worlds i’ve chased is your

embarassed smile that you try to hide, but i’ve always admired the way it shines,

and watching your shadow appear on the wall, so i know you’re here so i’m not feeling small.

and your particular attention paid to every single word i say and you always know how to make me recover from my fall.

i want that all the time. stop rewind, bring you back within the walls of what you left behind.

—I’ve fought with fire and passion, I’ve loved with my heart and aggressiom

I’ve kissed the kindest in the downpours of rain.

Never recipricated any passion in any kind of fashion, guys in my heart it always holds a special place, a place for your

—-and maybe i’m insane, waiting and waiting for things to change, but i cant just flip a switch to send you away. You flow through my veins now, and you are sewn in my skin now. you can’t leave me here to decay