i'm just a fked up gal in a fked up world,
just tryin to get by everyday workin a,
fked up job,
with a fked up boss,
prayin on her knees for a raise,
beggin, 'please please please'
with her fked up boss sayin
'no no no-no-no-oooh~'

i'm just a fked up gal in a fked up world,
tryin to get by everyday livin in a,
fked up society with a fked up sobriety
drinkin away my pain till it's gone,
but boy that aint never enough~

the coppers got me clocked at 102,
racing those lines till i'm seeing,
nuthin but the flashin of the red n the blue,
got me goin on a dui,
cuffed in the back of a cruiser,
while i'm still black in my eye,

i'm just a,
fked up gal,
in a fked up world,
livin live in my stripes,
starin out them bars,
tellin myself every fked up lie,
just to get through another fked up day,
wearin my black and my whites,
eatin my fked up way,
to an early fked up grave,

the guards have got me,
hooked on that fked up ice,
snitchin on the rats,
watchin my every fked up move,
makin sure they aint commin after me,
with fked up shanks and fked up bats,

i'm just a fked up gal in a fked up world,
livin her life doped on fire and gasoline,
prayin the next fked up day,
the fked up inmates with their fked up ways,
takes her fked up life away,

death has got me,
on my knees beggin through my fked up teeth,
hearin my every fked up plea,
'i dont wanna be that fked up gal livin in this fked up world',
smilin away while i'm livin through this fked up hell,
rottin away in that fked up cell,

gimme a chance, gimme a sign, i'll do anything,
(anything),
to see your fked up light,
follow that fked up path,
get away from all the fked up things i did,
just to make another fked up dime,

i was a fked up gal,
livin in a fked up world,
but now i'm not a sinner,
now i'm not a saint,
not that ***** no more,
drinkin my hell away,
fk that **** cuz no more i aint,

i was a,
fked up gal,
in a fked up world,
livin a fked up lie,

but now imma
**** fine gal,
in a **** fine world,
and **** my life,
if i aint livin my best
then i'll sure as **** try.

This isn't a poem, I wish it where but I've honestly lost inspiration at this point, hard to keep going when the whole world drags you down you know?
...
I'm not here to talk about that though, just here to give an update on where I've been and how things are currently going.
...
The truth is..not very well.
I wish it where different, truly, but sadly I've had family members pass in the time I've been absent.
Lost my last living Grandmother a couple years back, Grandpa (her husband) hasn't taken the loss well.
Just this past few months we lost 2 if our beloved pets.
One was Guinness, our fluffiest boy, a German Shepherd Mix we've had since he was 6 months old.
The other, just a couple weeks ago...was Sam. He had Cancer and we knew he did, we where doing all we could for him, but one fateful trip to the vet and we learned he had a huge mass in his stomach. Should it rupture....he would have...well it would be fatal and we didn't want him to suffer.
No dog should be forced to go through unimaginable pain like that.
So...we laid him to rest.
My Mom was right there by his side (all doggos are family doggos so yes my parents where there) as his eyes shut for the final time.
Both are currently in our home as we agreed not to bury them.
Not yet at least.
Mom wants to mix the dogs ashes with hers when she's laid to rest so she can take her boys to heaven with her.
I agreed, of course.
As for right now? I'm living life to the best of my abilities. I have a home, a roof over my head, warm bed at night, and 2-3 meals a day (depending on my hunger of course)
But....yeah, so I'm here, I'm alive, just been going through stuff and life one day at a time.
Sorry for the long absence but I don't know if I'll ever post a poem again.
If I'm ever re-inspired and make one I'll definetly be back!
Maybe I'll wrack my brain and make one just as an apology of sorts.
Who knows?
I hope everyone continues to have an amazing day/week/month/year, and I'll try my best to do the same, hope to be back soon, but...no promises...and again, sorry for the silence.

Liquid courage to numb the pain.
Intoxicated to forget.
Offbeat blood, sent from heart to vein.
Returns with a guest, she just met.


She closes up, leaves the bar clean.
To her apartment, around three.
In bed she lays, counting some sheep,
That mock her, thinking she will sleep.
She hears the crickets’ lonely beat.
Reminding her of creeps she meets.
Sometimes they have a potential start.
But never truly go that far.


Each night dealt with some other cards.
But slowly starts to build up guard.
She puts less time in her makeup.
But drunks continue to pick up.
She joins in shots, hopes to pass out.
But in her head she hears the shouts.
Her heart’s hunger for real love.
Her clouded thoughts rise above.


A newly turned insomniac.
No longer sleeping on her back.
Till curtains peek with starry eyes.
So bright, leaves a forceful rise.
Her sobs like strings of violin.
A void no liquor can fill in.
Despite how much she tries to drown.
The aches resonate with shrill sounds.


Another night, still found no one.
A man enters, two drinks and done.
She questions him, “What is the rush?”
Always pulled into a quick crush.
But never really tends to last.
As he mumbles about his past.
A bartender, like therapist.
As alcohol reveals the gist.


Now drunk and loud, he starts to shout.
Before his crash, he raises doubt.
He talks about, the best he lost.
Always at home, waits for the toss.
She cheers him up, when in a rut.
He gets up again, “That **** mutt!
To see her hurt, curled up in bed.
I held her paw, up till her death.”


The next night, slept pretty early.
He was perfect, brown hair curly.
Her eyes were lost, but not with lust.
Enjoyed his smells, delicious must.
A piece of her, became a part.
Happy to save his sinking heart.
Rescued him, he slept on her rug.
Named Milo, her three-legged dog.