My god how I hate the bittersweet feeling when I hear your name.

You. You caused me this heartache that I cannot get over.

You've poisoned my mind with all your sweet talk.

My god, when will you ever leave my heart and mind?

“Are you OK?” “Yeah.”
Not really, but you wouldn't understand

“How are you feeling?” “Great.”
Terrible but I can’t tell you because you’d ask why

“Where’d you get that cut?” “Rollerblading accident.”
That’s always the perfect excuse

“Is there anything you’d like to confess to?” “No.”
Yes

“Do you regret anything?” “Yeah, going ice skating.”
Being born.

“Have you felt sad lately?” “No, I’m really happy.”
I feel sad all the time

“Why were you crying?” “Just finished a sad book.”
You don’t want to know

“What book?” “Looking For Alaska.”
The book that told the story of my life

“Are you sure you’re OK?” “Definetly.”
*Definitely not

My fingertips pause
Over worn out keys
On a board that's seen
Better days, but that was years ago
When the muses were fresh,
The utterance adequate,
The language clear and precise,
The sonnets and haikus flowing
Easily from thought to tongue to finger to page.
Things have changed greatly since then.

My fingertips pause
Over worn out keys
Because some things
Are too hard to voice.
Some pains go so deep in my soul
That not even I know they exist.
Some memories so old
Of a childhood first snow
Or teenage habitual mistake
Or adolescent innocent fantasy
Have faded to a sepia-tone
Not able to be conveyed on paper.
Some experiences too personal
That sharing would ruin them forever
Because no one else could fully appreciate
What it means
To me
In my life,
Both past and future.

So silence descends
As my fingertips pause
Over worn out keys
On a board that's seen
Better days.

For how do I type out a poem
When keys have gone missing,
Like some of the pieces of my soul?

i         had         a
dream last night
that     you     fell
in      love     with
someone        else
and     i    realized
that  i  don't want
to      spend     the
rest        of       my
life    scared   that
i  might  lose  you

i         want        to
spend    that  time
waking             up
next      to       you,
seeing               the
world    with   you,
learning    how   to
grow   old  bravely
with                 you

and       i      guess  
what    i'm  trying
to         say         is

marry              me