Oh, my spurn of this shallow swamp!
For: it is not extensive enough
to blanket my body, when I fall over,
clomp- ing through the mud so rough.

To, under starlit sky, be submerged-
fully- on a summer night-
a desperate attempt to purge-
this black matter from within my blood
and these negative emotions that do flood-
my mind from time to time,
these sinister thoughts of mine.

Under muddy waters,
all of my feelings absolve;
& under muddy waters,
the time on my watch comes to a halt.

It's truly tantalizing-
how all of my pety issues can be resolved:
with merely one immaculately deep breath
- of the muddiest water.

Under muddy waters,
the world's disarray fades off;
& under muddy waters,
I let out my last and final cough.

--

Where is the grandeur
in growing grey, without the girl
you're grateful god grew?

Do you understand how grand-
it would be to sleep, hand in hand, 
next to her while she is blanketed
in my old, ragged shirt?

Oh, the stupid smirks:
I would emit without command.

--

Unto these muddy waters,
my shadows follow.
Unto these muddy waters,
my soul has ran
- and fallen;
and into these muddy waters,
I will be swallowed.

--

Just have to drag out the garden hose first-
& run the faucet for a days worth - time. Then, and only then, shall my end- begin.
- Under muddy waters.

there was a mother somewhere today
who held her child for the very first time

there was a mother somewhere today
who gave birth to a stillborn child

there was a mother somewhere today
who made the hard decision of abortion

there was a mother somewhere today
who was allowed to use a stethoscope to listen to her childs last heartbeats as the doctors unplugged him

there was a mother somewhere today
whos child came out to them

there was a mother somewhere today

And you felt every moment of it. He arrived like the night, creeping up to you slowly, to take you into his arms, to embrace you, to tell you it's going to be calm and to tell you it's time to sleep. He shadowed over your figure in bed, he whispered in your ear, his breath like the night breeze touching your hair, his fingers like the moonlight lighting up your ****** features.

But you forgot some things about the night too. How his eyes darkened, how the night was supposed to make you feel scared and alone. How you felt him stand up from the bed, how he slipped right out of your hold, how you suddenly felt the lonely chill like it gets much colder as dawn draws nearer.

And the moment you opened your eyes to the light, you watched him go. He left like night, but your day wasn't bright. You squinted through the sunlight, to see him slowly fade away. It felt like you were on the poles of the earth, waiting for the moon to come around again, getting sick of the sun. It felt all so wrong, to be soaked in the sun but to feel the cold biting at your skin.

The night was all just a dream; the day is nothing but a reality. And to wake up to the exact second where the borderline of the night and day or dream and reality fades, this is how he left you.

Our lips have yet to kiss
We develop our connection, intimate
Calling you on the phone so refreshing
We touched and cuddled under the blanket
After we, in unison made the same sound
Your words so intricate, poignant
I can't even repeat or paraphrase them back.

I was born in the wrong decade you say
You prolifically take in me, my art, my insides
Discussing them and listening
With a rapid ear to the earth
I try not to compare and contrast my past
Its an added bonus if it becomes romantic
You said, comparing that to ice cream, a sunday
Surprised by your immense patience, understanding
I'm in that place where I need a minute
We discuss how we are in a relationship with ourselves
With our careers
I smile sincerely as you curate and deeply discuss
Actively listening, glistening.

My mama just about ruined it for me
"He's black."
She said to me over the phone.
It was just like a megaphone had been taken over
By a group of aliens
They gargled and salted our flesh
Judging and caging us, attempting to restrict
Connection, depth
I stood up for you, for me, for all of us
We couldn't even discuss how my weekend had gone
The disappointment and mourning in her tone
Because your skin just happens to be
Several shades darker than mine.

I don't get it
And I don't like it.
It reminds me of when I was in high school
A boy named JJ kissed me up against a wall
He was the all star athlete
I was the art queen
The Southerns whispered behind our backs
You had a red rose on the front seat of the passenger seat for me
You were immature and too silly for me, in the end
But I'll never forget the deep heart break
And young trauma
Of being told by my father
That I would ruin the family
Get my little brother bullied
If I went to the dance with you.

And maybe my father was right
And maybe he was deeply wrong
And maybe if we had all fiercely stood together
We could have made a strong dent
In the history and repression
Of the deep south.

25 years old
And its like I'm being told once again
Not to go to the ball
I told my mama its highly possible
I may not end up with a white man.

I don't know.
I never seem to right this moment
But Chicago is so cultured, so diverse, so
Just filled with art and people
Surrounded by new faces and places everyday
Its really, truly
Very overwhelming.

"He's black."
He's black
He's black
As if this fact were shameful
Or a reason for me to run.

But mama
I've run all my life
I've spent my years running
And I don't know what this man
Or what anything means right now
But I'm tired of running.