The change in my pocket
Does God really want it?
Not much to give.
We all gotta live.
A sinner in the pew.
Just one of a few.
Searching for the truth.
Must we pay for the proof?
Money is the root of all evil...
I heard that in this very steeple.
Contradiction Strewn with fiction
No wonder I'm lost...
it comes at a small cost
The change in my pocket
Does God even want it?
Its confusion I bought
as I sit in the pew.
This is just a thought
just one of a few.

Love, the real kind, is never simple.
It is the one thing that makes life worth it in the end,
and something that wonderful and sought-after is never going to be easy to get.
You have to work for it.
Blood, sweat, and tears.
So if it’s easy, yeah maybe you won’t get broken.
But you won’t be truly happy, either.
You’ll be settling.
Don’t get me wrong,
There are lots of things in life that are totally acceptable to settle on.
Sure, Harvard was your dream school.
But you know what?
Going to your state school because its more affordable
Will still get you where you want to be in life.
And I know the hairdresser couldn't match the color you showed her,
But you are beautiful and can rock it anyway, so don’t worry.
But love?
Settling in love is like buying a pair of shoes that are a size too small,
Just because you thought they were pretty.
They may look nice,
But you are dying on the inside. I
f you had just held out a bit longer,
You would have found a pair just as beautiful that fit well, too.
Maybe that nice guy looks good on paper,
But if he doesn’t give you butterflies whenever he looks at you,
Don’t be with him.
You want someone who makes you fall for them every day,
Not just once.

The beauty runs out
The blood goes cold
They try to shout
The killer grows old
My head on the block
No way I could flee
The ax makes a chop
But the killer isn't me

Have you ever seen someone in so much pain
something in their face looks like they are on fire?

I am in love with a burning man

Do you feel this in your heart

I cut my veins open so you could stitch yourself into them

And all you got from trying to steal that gargoyle statue
last semester was a cracked spine

I like to kiss the insides of your hip bones

I like to trace my tongue along the surgery scars

And run my fingertips along the space where
your bellybutton should be

You are a burning man
All intensity
Looking in your eyes reveals a fire

You drink liquor like its water
and always have a few pills ready to be crushed

Then again, so do I

I guess that’s why when we were listening to
Morrison in my friends back seat
I took my $2 bill and snorted a line straight to the brain

And she whispered
“you two are a match made in heaven”

And I guess we are
If we believed in all that

Personally, when I die I want to go to hell

Because Hell is where you always seem to be

promise me,
you said,
promise you'll be happy*
and I did,
and I promised to love you
and to breathe without you
and whatever else you needed
to hear
and I kept my promises, I did,
but my god, if missing you
could be measured in tears
I could fill
and refill
every ocean.

I lost the most important
Pieces of my life
In a one year span

Mom's sickness was eating
Her alive
I could see it draining
The life out of her
She lost the sparkle in her eyes
Her skin attached itself
To her bones
And she couldn't hold on
Any longer
Her death was like a shock
That spun me around
And I lost it
When I lost her

Father, I barely knew
I didn't cry on 10.10.09
I couldn't
I watched as his coffin
Silently buried itself underneath
I watched as they threw dirt
On what was left of him
That auto wreck took him away
It took him away
He left so many flowers
That I somehow resent
Cause he grew them
He grew them, not me

I was left with a woman
Who swore under oath
And to my mother's dying eyes
That she would protect me
Lord, if this is what they call
Protection
Then what has the world come to?

Try waking up in a house
Knowing you are not wanted
So many of my nights
Are spent crying because she
Tears me apart
I am not perfect
But I was Mom's little angel
It would **** her
To say 'you did well'
It would **** her
To ask about my wellbeing

Sometimes when the pressure
Raises it's ugly head
She'd tell me

"I am not your mother
You know where your mother
And father are buried
You'll go and live there!!!"

She reminds me that
I am not and will never be
Good enough for her each time
She gets a chance to
What did I do to her?
What did I do to deserve this?
Why did Mom leave me?

Suicidal thoughts
Are forever present
I've tried it several times
One would save me all times
Once,
I dumped bottles of her
Sleeping pills down my throat
All I could hear was the
Sound of my own faint voice
Chanting

"Wake up you idiot,
Wake up before you sleep
Forever!"

Once,
I slit my wrists to
Drain the blood off my veins
My brother found me
Lying unconscious on the
Bedroom corner and aided me

Once,
I wore black and sat at the road
At midnight
A woman stopped and told me
I had so much to live for
That the future had gifts

Existing, but not living
Breathing air that does nothing
But inflate my lungs
Will anything ever take
The pain away?
This is not life

This has been going on
For 5 years now
Her words are like bullets
That pierce through
My rib cage and rock me
To my core
Inflicting her insanity on me
One would think
She's highly sadistic

I try to hold on,
Really I do
But my faith is in shambles
I struggle to believe
That I have a purpose
And all I'm holding onto
Are tatters of memories
Of what once was

Better that every fiber crack
and fury make head,
blood drenching vivid
couch, carpet, floor
and the snake-figured almanac
vouching you are
a million green counties from here,

than to sit mute, twitching so
under prickling stars,
with stare, with curse
blackening the time
goodbyes were said, trains let go,
and I, great magnanimous fool, thus wrenched from
my one kingdom.